(Closed) Do you want him to ask for your parents blessing?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
90 posts
Worker bee

I’ve been trying to get my head around this one as well. In my head, if the roles were reversed, I owuld dread doing something like this and would be a bag of nerves- so it wouldn’t bother me if he didn’t do it because I would totally understand. However, if he was able to go through that for me (and my parents, because I know that they would really appreciate the gesture) then I know I would think it was one of the most loving things he could do.

Post # 4
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Hey and welcome.

I think it is important to you. I don’t think it would hurt if your SO asked your for your parent’s blessing. It would make your family happy and thats good for everyone down the road. It’s a blessing, not permission. It’s a show of respect to the people who raised you.

It couldn’t hurt

Post # 5
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

No and purely because I’m 34. I can see why it seems important to younger women but honestly I think it’s an age thing. 

Post # 6
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

If you’re living your independent adult lives and successfully making all your own decisions, I can see how it would feel unnatural to ask parents for permission. Fiance and I are 24 and even at this age I think it would feel silly for everyone involved if he went and asked. We have a house together, the jig is up. 

Post # 7
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Together almost 6 years, living together for 3… Nah. He doesn’t need to do that at all. We’re so not traditional in most senses.

Post # 8
Member
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Maybe instead of asking him for permission or whatnot, just giving your dad a head’s up and asking for his blessing would be more appropriate in your case?  I think that would be fair.  My Fiance is def asking my dad before we get engaged and there are reasons why I could see he would not (too long to list), but I really like the idea and I think it’s nice to give the parents a head’s up, even if you are adults and far along in the relationship, like you two are. 

Post # 9
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@futuremrsk18:  I really hope my SO has the common sense to ask my dad. I know it isn’t nessisary but it would mean the world to him. and I mean, THE WHOLE WORLD

Post # 10
Member
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@futuremrsk18:  +1

I like this option too.  You are an independent adult and you don’t need your father’s permission!  But a heads up/ blessing is a great solution.  It makes your family feel included in this special time of your lives, and makes your SO look like a great guy. 

Post # 11
Member
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Sapphire-Dreamer:  then just tell him!  drop it in a hint somehow – do you have any siblings that are engaged/married?  tell him about how their FIs/DHs asked your dad and he loved it or didn’t ask your dad and he was upset about it.  Don’t have siblings?  What about friends who had their FIs ask their dads?  Mention that and say how your dad would love that, too.  Or, just straight out tell him that your dad is traditional and it would mean the world to him (and thus to you) if he asked your dad before proposing to you. 

Post # 12
Member
864 posts
Busy bee

Absolutely yes – as a sign of respect to your parents. I don’t know if it’s so much “permission” but courtesy.  Why not start your FH and your parents relationship on the right foot. Think forward to when you have a daughter, wouldn’t you want her FH to speak with your husband and you as a symbol of respect? What can it hurt to do so, even if it’s a phone call. Best wishes!

Post # 13
Member
11345 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Sa7208:  Well, my personal opinion is that you should encourage/allow your SO to ask your father for his blessing. Although, at this stage of your life, this is primarily a symbolic gesture, I still think it will make both your future Fiance and your father happy to have had the exchange.

I didn’t get married until I was in my 40s, and I had not lived in the same state as my parents for more than 20 years. I also had an encore groom. However, my Darling Husband felt very strongly about asking for my dad’s blessing, and I absolutely loved that he did. 🙂

Post # 14
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@futuremrsk18:  I am the oldest girl. My brother lived with his mom in PR and my Dad had little dad involvement in my Bro’s life (not his choice). The only hint I dropped was when our friends (who do not look like they will reach the Altar) were about to get engaged. We knew that the guy was about to pop the question but the Girls grandfather (male figure) passed away before it happened. I took that as my cue to say “Oh, it’s a shame A didn’t get a chance to as T’s grandpa for his blessing. That is SO IMPORTANT, ya know.” My SO said he was sure that they spoke about it at some point.

The thing is my SO doesn’t see eye to eye with my dad on a lot of things. He is very respectful to my parents even though he doesn’t like them very much (heck i wouldn’t like them very much if they weren’t my parents, but they are!) so that is what makes me worried he won’t do it. Even though I see it as a super last minute thing he would so RIGHT before he asked me. I told my Dad that Mr.Sapphire will be speaking to him in due time.

My dad is my hero. My knight in Shining Pick-UP. I never knew how important it would be to me until lately. I want him to ask my mom too, just because she’s a control freak and wouldn’t let us forget it.

Post # 15
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It depends how you feel about it, OP.  For me, personally, you can call it “a blessing,” rather than permission, all you want, but to me it still goes back to roots of women as property to be traded among men.  Again, that’s just me.  I would have been greatly offended had Darling Husband asked for a “blessing.”

Post # 16
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m super independent (and always have been) and was living entirely on my own when Darling Husband and I got engaged.

That said, Darling Husband asked for my dad’s blessing and I’m glad he did.

It isn’t like he was asking permission – if my dad didn’t give his blessing, Darling Husband still would have proposed to me.  To me, it is a respect thing.  Plus I’m just kind of traditional and am really close with my parents.

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