(Closed) Do you want strangers at your wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Are you allowing guests to bring guests?
    Yes : (33 votes)
    30 %
    Yes, but only those close to me : (32 votes)
    29 %
    No : (35 votes)
    32 %
    Not sure yet : (5 votes)
    5 %
    Other (explained below) : (4 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5494 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2011

    our “rule” was to allow people to bring their significant others as long as they were in  a serious relationship, (as in, we know the person’s name and they’ve been dating more than a few months).  Also we allowed anyone traveling from afar, (a plane flight), to bring a date because it sucks to travel alone.  Also we anyone wouldn’t know a soul at the wedding, we allowed them a date.  We just want our guests to have fun and to respect their relationships while they help us celebrate ours.

    Post # 5
    Member
    255 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    We’re not allowing guests to bring guests…. its sort of mean, I know, but simply because we need to keep our numbers down. We’re already having to cut people whom we’d really really like to invite because our venue doesn’t hold so many people- so by having guest +1 would really make the numbers balloon.

    There have been some weddings that I wasn’t invited to but my Fiance was, simply because I was only an acquaintance of the person getting married, even though my Fiance and I have been together for almost 6 years. I totally understood! Also, weddings are expensive!!!

    Anyhow, our problem is now, we’re not actually writing names of our guests on our invites- the names of the people will be on our envelopes and so hopefully people will understand that when they get an invite- only those on the front of the envelope are actually invited….  Any ideas bees????

    Post # 6
    Member
    1001 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Our “rule” was that the only people who got dates were people traveling from out-of-state and people in serious relationships (like, live together or are engaged).  So far we’ve had two people write in an uninvited guest (we’re letting it slide) and one call to ask, and we said no.

    As far as strangers, there’s a staggering 34 people on FI’s side I’ve never met.  Never even heard of, actually.  FI’s mother INSISTED because “they’re family”.  Fiance assured me that none would even come, but so far they’ve all RSVP’d yes…..

    Post # 8
    Member
    577 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    There’ll probably be a bunch (like 50 out of 200) people at our wedding that I have never met and Fiance doesn’t really know, from FI’s side of the family.  To be perfectly honest, I couldn’t care less; Fiance and I are not paying for them, and everyone I love will (hopefully!) be there to celebrate.  I say the more the merrier!

    Post # 9
    Member
    596 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2009 - Ceremony: The Kraine Theatre, Reception: Midtown Loft & Terrace

    We were really brutal with our guest list actually, both to keep the wedding smaller (80-ish guests came) and because I also felt like it would be weird to have people there who we didn’t really care about. We only invited dates of people who were married/engaged or if we were friends with that person’s significant other already. I loved that we really truly only had people at our wedding who cared about both of us, I think it made for a great vibe.

    Post # 10
    Member
    491 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Our rules include only family and friends who we’re close to, any SOs if they’ve been together for some time, husbands and wives automatically even if we don’t know them.  Then I also have an exception if my Fiance knows someone well that I dont know, or the other way around, I wouldn’t turn them down.  Of course, that’s rare, but there are some people he works with that I don’t know well.  Good luck on your decision, but I agree with you, you should make sure what works with your numbers before allowing people to bring all kinds of guests who you don’t know.  They’ll have fun as long as they know other people there! (I would maybe include an exception if they’re coming from out of town. It always makes it easier if you’re staying with someone you know, personally anyway.)

    Post # 11
    Member
    1046 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I think people asking to bring random friends of theirs is quite strange and I wouldn’t want random people there either. But I do think allowing people to bring their significant other is polite. Our friends are scattered–we went to high school and college on opposite sides of the country, thus, we haven’t had the opportunity to meet the SOs of everyone we’ve invited. I invite the opportunity to be able to meet their loved ones.

    For us, it comes down to a marriage being a celebration of love and it feels weird for me to tell people that they can’t bring the person that they love. Thus, we’re inviting the SO of anyone in an established relationship (I know this could seem like it would be hard to draw the line, but we know which of our friends are in relationships).

    For us, we built our guest list first and then figured out how much money we had and decided what kind of wedding we would have based on those two facts. We don’t *need* to have a wedding–it would be far easier to elope or have a civil ceremony–thus, if we were going to do the whole big wedding thing, we wanted to have everyone we loved there and their SOs, whether we’ve had the opportunity to meet them yet or not. We could halve our guest list and have a much fancier wedding, but at the end of the day what matters to us is that the people we care about were there, they were comfortable, and that they had a good time. For us, we felt that that merited giving our guests the chance to bring their SO.

    Post # 12
    Member
    268 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    My guest list consists of 38 people and they are all very close family or friends.  I was very clear that we had to know someone intimately to get on the guest list because while I don’t mind a wedding with 100 guests (if I know them all well), I just don’t see the point inviting people to invite them.  Why do I want to celebrate this ocassion with near strangers or people I might not talk to for years at a time?! Luckly Fiance has the same view and neither of our parents are asking to put people on our guest list.

    However, as for guests bringing guests, 5 of my friends are currently single.  If by some act of god they get a boyfriend/girlfriend between now and September I’ll be more than happy to make room because that’s a celebration in itself! 😉

    Post # 13
    Member
    2186 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    the only single people getting plus ones at the wedding are in the wedding party (im not happy with this because these people will be strangers, but i got out voted by FH since its his friends and family in the wedding that are single) but no one else has plus ones. its bad enough that the sig others of work friends are invited, and i have never even met them and dont even know their first names are invited because you HAVE to invite spouses. if it wasnt for that we could have had our dream wedding of 80 people instead of 140 people. ugh.

    Post # 14
    Member
    411 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I think that your family should love you enough to respect, if not understand, that you are on a budget and that you would prefer to keep your event as intimate as possible with only those whom you know and are dearly close to.

    That’s what we’re doing. I’m not giving my uncle, brother, sister, and cousins a plus one, even though I know it might be awkward for them because they’ll be surrounded by couples and they won’t really have a “date” to the party. But they totally understand. Weddings are not cheap! This isn’t a birthday celebration or a cocktail party. Also, they’re not attending to enjoy a date. They’re attending for me and my fiance. Anyone who can’t understand that is inconsiderate.

    The only people who get to bring guests are our family members who are in serious relationships. I’m also inviting the spouses of my colleagues whom I’ve met a few times. My fiance and I don’t feel comfortable about having strangers on our big day. I don’t think people should take it offensively.

    Anyway, you’re not the first bride who’s implemented this rule. Plenty of guests have attended weddings alone, and like you said, if they’re going to be so uncomfortable and concerned about being alone at the wedding, then maybe they’re not really coming there for you, maybe they’re just coming there to party, and they just shouldn’t come at all.

    Post # 15
    Member
    98 posts
    Worker bee

    We’re not allowing people to bring a date unless they’ve been in a long term relationship.  We’re inviting less that 50 people so anyone that another guest brought would either be someone I don’t know or, in one specific case, someone I don’t like.  Everyone at the reception will know at least one other person there so I don’t have to worry about that aspect.

    Post # 16
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    We allowed all our guests to bring dates.

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