Post # 17
My Fiance didn’t ask per se, but rather let my dad know he was planning on asking me. My Dad said “Well, I’ve never been able to speak for rachaelrobin, but in this case I am going give you my preemptive blessing knowing she’ll say yes.” And then, my dad kissed FI’s hand, and said “Welcome to my family.”
Post # 18
I voted No-other. I just feel that I am my own person capable of making my own decisions and I don’t like the idea that he needs anyone’s permission but mine to marry me. I’m not sure if he’ll do it anyway though despite what I think. I mean if he wants to then I’m not opposed to it, but I think that for the kind of person I am, it’s unnecessary. I think part of it has to do with my relationship with my parents though…maybe if I was closer to my parents then I’d understand this tradition more?
Post # 20
not really ask for my hand but more like tell them that he is intending to marry me and would like to receive their blessings… reason why is my “mom” will more than likely be cutting us a VERY significant check to help out with the wedding and married life. She is important and I want her to feel included.
He has plans to do this next month.
Post # 21
No. Not important for either me or my parents. I am of the opinion that the only person he needs to ask for my hand for is me. My folks always knew he was going to propose and were thrilled.
Post # 22
It was important to me and my parents. He did not ask for my hand however, it was more of a heads up. Hey, I am going to ask your daughter to marry me. He didn’t need their “permission” but it was an important gesture and I’m so glad that he talked to my parents first!
Post # 23
imo, marriage is about two families joining, not just about the two of us.
That said, I wouldn’t want my SO to ask for my hand as much as I’d like him to tell my family what’s going on.
Post # 24
Fiance “tried” to ask for my parents blessing. My parents don’t speak English and Fiance doesn’t speak Portuguese. The way FI describes the conversation he asked and my dad shook his hand which Fiance took it to mean, “you have our blessing.”
It was very important to me that he ask for my parent’s blessing.
Post # 25
DH asked and it was something that was important to me and I know it meant a lot to my mom so I’m glad he did 🙂
Post # 26
It wasn’t important to me, but he assumed it was important to my dad (we had never talked about it) so he asked for their blessing, rather than their permission. Although, I guess my parents misread the email (my parents are deaf, and we’re living 6 hours away from them right now, so that’s the reasoning behind an email), because when they replied back they told him he had their permission. My parents are pretty traditional when it comes to that stuff, so I think my dad would have been upset if Fiance hadn’t asked him. Like I said, though, to me personally it didn’t matter, but I’m glad he did, because that’s just kinda how my dad is!
Post # 27
I was pregnant when we got engaged. Kinda too late to ask for permission!
Post # 28
@April_Mae: Haha I like your Grandma 🙂 Obviously she eventually found the right guy…
Post # 29
I completely understand where people are coming from on the old-fashioned, sexist aspects of the tradition. That being said, I hope he does speak to my Dad just because I know it will make my family happy and it doesn’t bother me. I think it will be more of an “informative” thing too – telling my Dad he’s going to propose and asking his blessing, not really asking for permission. I think it’s the word “permission” that rubs me the wrong way.
Post # 30
My DH didn’t ask for permission, he asked for my parent’s blessing and I think there is a huge difference between the terms. Beforehand, it wasn’t something that was really important to either my parents or me but looking back, I’m glad that DH asked for my dad’s blessing beforehand. I think it is sweet that my dad was thought of and included. Plus the story is cute!
Through our whole period of dating, my dad would award “Dad Points” when DH would do nice things for me, help my parents with things when visiting, etc. My dad would then joke that, if he wanted to come visit my parents, that he had to be able to redeem enough “Dad Points” or if he wanted to sleep in a bed instead of on the floor, “Dad Points”. So when DH called my dad to ask for his blessing, he asked my dad if he had enough “Dad Points” to ask me to marry him. Of course my dad said yes and now, being a son-in-law, DH now gets unlimited “Dad Points”!
Post # 31
My husband asked my dad ahead of time, because he knew it was important to them. I didn’t care if he did or not though – I’d lived out of their house for eight years at that point, and didn’t really feel it was my dad’s blessing to give or not, haha.
My dad knows me well though, and told J that he and my mom approved, but he really needed to be asking me, not them. 🙂