(Closed) Do you want your SO to ask for your hand?

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Do you want your SO to ask for your hand?
    Yes - because it is personally important to me : (54 votes)
    33 %
    Yes - because I know it is important to my parent(s) : (50 votes)
    31 %
    Yes - other reason : (13 votes)
    8 %
    No - it's not important to me or my parents : (17 votes)
    10 %
    No - other reason : (29 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 32
    7039 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I chose “No- other” because I think asking my parents for my hand is offensive. I’m not property and my parents don’t make life decisions for me. Therefore, asking, whether it is just for show or not, is actually insulting to me.

    Post # 33
    1135 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    My mom and I are very close, and I guess I would say he asked for her blessing.  He told me he’d been talking to my mom about proposing to me for a while, and since we live together he even had the ring sent to her house so I wouldn’t know about it!  He wanted to wait about a month (til his birthday) after he got the ring, but as soon as he met up with my mom to get it they both realized there was no way he could wait–he proposed the next day ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 34
    163 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    No. It would have been completely inappropriate given our situation. 

    Post # 35
    279 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Fiance asked my Mom and Stepdad and my Father for their blessing…not premission. It was VERY important to me that everyone was involved and just as excited as we are. It was great knowing that both my sisters and my parents as well as his family and my Best Friend were all aware of what was happening and when. And it still ended up being a complete surpise to me! It was perfect!

    Post # 36
    1132 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Fiance asked my dad, I am a Daddies girl and we both knew that it would mean so much to him.

    When Fiance asked my dad stared at him for about 10 seconds and then said “Are you sure, she’s kind of crazy” Fiance said “Yeah, that’s why I love her.” My dad then said “Well, welcome to the family… just don’t break her heart or I’ll have to hurt you… Wait I don’t think I will because she will hurt you herself.”

    Post # 37
    3949 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I would want him to ask my dad’s blessing.  I think that would be a great start in their relationship.  A bonding moment.

    Post # 38
    3982 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Fi asked my dad – i think my parents would be ok if he didnt, they love him anyway. Fiance is just pretty traditional and wouldnt have had it any other way. For me, it def made the proposal that much more special – he asked both my parents – of course they said yes do it! he gave them an idea of what he wanted to do so my parents booked us a room in charleston for the weekend! a plus for asking the rents…

    Post # 39
    143 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I’m old fashioned. I told my SO that he HAD to ask my parents permission. It’s very important to me for 3 reasons.

    For one, I feel that it’s honoring to my parents and they have the right to have a say in my life because they gave birth to me and raised me.

    Secondly, when I was in college, my ex flew up to Alaska with me to ask my parents for their blessing. My dad said yes but my mom said no. I was furious and was so angry with her… until I sat down and talked with her. I realized that my mother was far wiser than I. She had seen qualities in him that I had chosen to ignore. I almost ran off to Vegas and married him anyway. Later on, I realized that my mother had saved me from what would have been a miserable marriage.

    Thirdly, I am a Christian and I believe that I God placed my parents as the leaders in my life until I was given in marriage. The fact that my SO is willing to ask my parents for their permission to let him take over that role shows a lot about his character. By doing that, he is making a promise to my parents that he will love, honor, protect, and provide for me in their place. It makes me smile just thinking about it! ๐Ÿ™‚


    Post # 40
    624 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2009

    I did want my husband to ask my dad.. I came home one day from work and he was there talking to my mom and dad.. so that part wasnt really a surprise or done behind my back ๐Ÿ™‚

    My parents gave us great advice.

    Post # 41
    386 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    It was very important to me and Fiance that he ask my Dad, although I don’t think it was as important to my Dad  (ha).  In hindsight, I think it showed a lot of respect to my Dad, and Fiance says that conversation with my Dad was one of the best moments of his life so far!

    Post # 42
    1374 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    It never came up between my Fiance and I, but if it had I likely would’ve told him I’m not a piece of cattle and prefer not to be treated as such.  ๐Ÿ˜‰  I’m a 33 year old grown woman.  My parents do not “own” me and neither will my Fiance when we marry.  I just feel that the whole asking permission thing is an antiquated tradition I’d rather not take part in.  To each their own, though.

    Post # 43
    1676 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I didn’t see it as “permission” as much as a “blessing”. Basically I felt like of course I would marry my husband when he asked, but it was nice to have my family supporting him as well. Both of us are very close to our families so our marriage united them also.

    Post # 44
    409 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    It was important to me that my DH talk to my parents before we got engaged, but it was more of a “statement of intentions” than “asking permission.” And I was present at the time. I think my parents appreciated it as well. 

    Post # 45
    455 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    To be completely honesy, I can be really old-fashioned about certain things, and this is one of those things.  My Fiance called my dad a week before and asked and also asked my dad NOT to tell my mom because she woulda spilled the beans as we talk ALL the time!  I know my dad didn’t expect him to ask, but he REALLY appreciated that he thought about doing it.  My Grandpa, a mentor of mine, was duely impressed as he’s extremely old-fashioned and was so happy that Fiance asked my dad’s blessing.

    Post # 46
    547 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Yes it was important to me and I knew it would be important to my parents at the time too.  They (boyfriend and my parents) didn’t have a good relationship at the time…Now they do. 

    He didn’t want to ask, and I didn’t care…I made him do so and I’m so happy that I did.  I was there when it happened too, so it was a very special night!  And ever since then I’ve been waiting…

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