(Closed) Do you wish you were a virgin before saying “I Do”?

posted 9 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Do you wish you had only slept with THE ONE/FI ,regardless if it were before OR after the wedding?
    Yes : (59 votes)
    18 %
    No : (217 votes)
    68 %
    Maybe : (18 votes)
    6 %
    Other... and I will explain below : (26 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 92
    724 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    My Fiance and I have had sex, but I was a virgin and Fiance was not. I don’t really care that Fiance has had other partners. I mean, when we first started having sex and I was figuring things out, he would sometimes say “Well, this has worked for me before” and he also dated a girl who came really fast, and I do not, so the comparison was a little weird. But after a couple months and we got more into with each other, all mention of other girls stopped. It’s like they don’t really exist, they’re so far back.

    So, personally, I don’t mind that Fiance has had other partners or that we slept together before marriage. I also don’t think I would have minded if we were both virgins who slept together. It’s just “one of those things.” I don’t think sex irreperably damages you as a person, so what does it really matter? I mean, I’m a Christian, but a more liberal one, and in an *ideal* world, everything would go according to plan, but we don’t, so there’s no point in feeling guilty about a decision you made if it’s what you felt was the right choice for you. As long as you aren’t sleeping around in an unhealthy mindset, then I think it’s OK.

    Post # 93
    8736 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Nope, not at all.

    I was very much in love with my first and still have a soft spot for him but we were not compatible in the long term and wanted completely different things.

    But being with him taught me a lot about myself and gave me confidence in myself and in my body. It actually helped that I wasn’t his first because he was able to make the whole experience comfortable and a whole lot less awkward and scary.

    There were other experiences between my first and my Fiance and they all helped shape who I am as a person and helped me to discover what I like and don’t like and how to please someone else.


    Post # 94
    1995 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I had only slept with the one at our wedding!!!  Yes he was my first, but only after we got engaged, so yes I’m happy!

    Post # 95
    1295 posts
    Bumble bee

    My mom always use to tell me you have to try a shoe on to make sure it fits before you buy it.  I’m a firm believer in that.  That being said it just so happened that when I met my SO we were both each others first.  I always wanted it to be that way and it just happened to turned out that way.

    Post # 96
    2829 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    nah, I wouldn’t have a son if I had waited, so that would suck.


    Post # 97
    1854 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    I don’t feel guilty of my past at all, but then again, I always viewed sex as something special that I wouldn’t do with someone who wasn’t special. I only had one sexual partner before Darling Husband, and was with that man for years, so it’s not like it wasn’t meaninful.

    I would probably feel differently if I had had many partners before Darling Husband and sex wasn’t special with these people… I think it’s an amazing gift to give, probably the most precious I can offer, since it’s the gift of myself..

    Post # 98
    562 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I’m happy to say my husband is the only one I have ever been with in any sexual way. However we did have sex before getting married (for about a year and a half before) so I wasn’t a virgin on the big day, but still a bit naiive when it came to sex. I’m glad that I don’t have any kind of baggage, and can only recall experiences with my husband 🙂

    Post # 99
    841 posts
    Busy bee

    I agree with one of the earlier posters. In a sense, yes I do. But then I would have to give back my son, so not a chance 🙂

    Post # 100
    3135 posts
    Sugar bee


    You know, in some ways, not having sexual baggage is amazing!  I *HATE* thinking of my fh with other women.  What if they were better.  What if they were capable of doing things that I am not?  What if they looked better naked?  So many what ifs.

    But on the flip side, I am glad he knows that the things I am apparently amazing at, are head and shoulders above the other girls.  So it’s a double edges sword I guess.

    Plus he got to do a few things with others that I will never, ever do, so he won’t be left ‘wondering’ what those things are like, worrying he’d be missing something the rest of his life.

    Post # 101
    13095 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I’m glad that I didn’t wait until I was married to have sex but I am also glad that it worked out the Darling Husband was my first and only.  Although on the flip side, I also don’t care that I wasn’t DH’s first.

    All of our prior experiences help shape who we are and that includes sexual experiences.  I wouldn’t change how either Darling Husband or I were when we met each other so by that token, I can’t wish to change the past experiences that made us that way.

    ETA: To clarify, I waited for LOVE, not marriage.  Darling Husband was the first person I loved and we had sex before we were talking engagement/marriage/etc.

    The topic ‘Do you wish you were a virgin before saying “I Do”?’ is closed to new replies.

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