Post # 1
Member
11 posts
Newbee
Ladies I have a question, I read the wedding and baby posts on the site but havent posted before, this is one of the threads that I follow.
I am 28 and my fiancee is 29,we are getting married in the next 2 years. He would have a honeymoon baby given the chance but while I want kids at some point I dont see it in the next five years.
My question is – do you wish youd known earlier that you would have problems conceiving, and would it have changed your plans? as a compromise I thought of suggesting that once we are married we get fertility tests – if they come back fine we wait a few years, if they say we might have problems we try straight away.
I have been on the pill for ten years, my periods were regular before that but I know that typically some of the things that cause problems conceiving start in your twenties. My parents had lots of trouble conceiving me, they tried for 10 years (this was before the days of IVF etc and unfortunately they have both passed away so I cant ask them what their problems were).
Part of me just wants to say what will be will be and see what happens when we start trying but I worry that Id regret it if I got to 35 and missed my chance.
Long post, sorry, and I hope this doesnt cause any offence or upset to those TTC – we arent even trying yet and already Im worrying about it!
Post # 3
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
Well this could kind of go both ways for me. I really do wish at times I’d known earlier only bc this last year and few months have been extrememly emotional and heart wrenching. However I think I’ve said this before, it still probably wouldn’t of changed my plans. I had my lap surgery over 3 years ago where I lost my tube and ovary and was told then about my Endo and needing to have children prior to 35 but it didn’t cause us to change our plans. I still wanted to be married first and I really didn’t want children before I was 30. It was something I always wanted no matter what. Even with our issues now, I hold no regrets in life.
You could probably do some testing early, though I don’t know what. But, that doesn’t mean those results if good will be the same a few years down the road. My lab levels were good and everything 3 years ago even with the diagnosis bc they did check my ovarian reserve then but here we are 3 years later and I now have poor ovarian reserve, meaning little to no eggs left. I had no idea about myself not ovulating, because I was on BC at that time. My point is, yes you could test early and go from there but always know that things could change.
Post # 4
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper
I do wish I could have known earlier. We’re in month 8 (cycle 7), and I wish we would have known that it would take this long at least.
One note – your doctor might not allow you to be tested for infertility unless you have some other sort of underlying problem or you’ve been trying for a full year.
Post # 5
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
It wouldn’t change my plans in the slightest. While I would really love to have my own children someday, if that turns out not to be possible, I’d be just as happy adopting.
It definitely wouldn’t affect the fact that I am really not ready for any possible kidlets now and won’t be for several years.
Post # 6
Member
2425 posts
Buzzing bee
I have known for about 14 years that I would have trouble conceiving. I found out I had endometriosis when I was 16. Having a baby before I was married was out of the question for me, so there was no sense in worrying about it until I was married. Now, I have been married for almost 1 1/2 years and I still have no huge rush to have a baby, even though I know I should be trying NOW beings I know conceiving could be difficult. However, considering I have known my whole adult life that I could have troubles, I have prepared myself for the fact that I may never have biological children (I am 100% open to adoption). I am not at a point in my life where I am ready to have children and I feel like having children right now, just because my reproduction issues are telling me IT’S TIME would be wrong. I don’t want to have children until I feel like I can scream for joy when I see the positive test rather than scream in fear (i’m being a bit dramatic here lol).
So, I guess the longwinded answer is, knowing that I would have troubles conceiving, no it didn’t change our plans. We still plan on waiting until we are ready and hoping for the best 🙂
Post # 7
Member
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
We have both always felt like we would have trouble conceiving.
I desperately wanted to know for sure and asked two different OB/GYNs if I can get tested for fertility issues prior to TTC. Their simple answer is there’s no point unless you have been TTC. 12 months for couples with no underlying issues. 6 for those over 30.
And I’m not convinced insurance would pay for it either unless you have prior issues and/or have been TTC for 12 months to no avail.
So unless you have the upfront cash to spend on the fertility testing I don’t see the testing prior to TTC feasible.
Post # 8
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
I’ve known since my early teens that I would have trouble. I had one period at age 15 and nothing after that unless I was on BC and I have yet to get a straight answer as to why I don’t get a monthly cycle. My mom had trouble conceiving too.
Even knowing for as long as I have, I still have a hard time dealing with it. All the blood tests, the ultrasounds, the medications. Never getting a straight answer as to why my body won’t do what its supposed to. It still sucks.
You might be able to get some tests done but those results can change in a few years. If you aren’t ready for kids, don’t force it. There are so many things they can do for fertility now. And you never know, it could happen very quickly for you.
Post # 9
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
We started TTC right after we got married, so I never really thought of that. I have a friend with PCOS so she assumes she’ll have trouble concieving, but she still wants to wait to try. I wonder if it’s b/c she’s just scared of going through all of that stress, she’d rather just not deal with it right now.
Post # 10
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
I have to say the same as the PP’s. No one will do any testing until you’ve been trying for a year (for normal couples).
There ARE exceptions, obviously. Other underlying problems, if you’ve had children previously WITHOUT problems (and where you could pinpoint the date), etc.
The reason being, from what I was told and read, it is normal for it to take up to a year to conceive naturally. AFTER a year, you can go in and start being tested.
What I would suggest is to start charting. Temping and/or using opk’s (ovulation prediction kits/tests). I’d be willing to bet that if you’re getting positive OPK’s, then you’ll be fine. If not, then you’d probably have a better chance of being tested sooner.
BUT that would require being off BC for a while. IF you aren’t willing to take the chance of getting pregnant straight off and/or within the year, I wouldn’t do it until you and your hubby/FI are prepared.
As for the question, I can’t say. I had NO problems wtih my first two, but now I am. I haven’t been tested (or my FI) and we CAN NOT be tested until 6 months of trying. And that’s BECAUSE I’ve had two kids where I knew the EXACT day I got pregnant and we weren’t even trying. Quite the opposite, to be honest.
Post # 11
Member
1116 posts
Bumble bee
The RE in our area will do a fertility assessment for those who want a good idea of their reproductive health, even before they start trying. I think they do some bloodwork, and an ultrasound, and probably an SA for your Fiance. Generally won’t be covered by insurance, so the testing will probably cost a few hundred dollars, but it might give you a better idea of if you should try sooner or might be able to wait. BUT like MissGreen said, your numbers and his numbers can change.
Even though I have family history of reproductive challenges, I never had any specific symptoms to indicate a problem like endo or pcos, etc. But yet, here we are with 1.5 years of normal test results, and still no baby. And there are others with known challenges that conceive quickly. You just never know.
I’d weigh in your mind how important having a biological child is to you. If you have your heart set on a bio child, it might be worth trying a little sooner. If you are open to alternative family building, you may have the freedom to wait longer. That said, it’s kind of impossible to fully understand the loss of not being able to have a biological child until you get there. But, you also shouldn’t feel pressured to have a child until you both are ready.
Post # 12
Member
2907 posts
Sugar bee
I am extremely worried about this. I want to start trying right after the wedding because I’m afaid it will take forever.
But a friend of mine did the same, and got pregnant on the first try–a year before they *really* wanted to (but they love their kid).
So, yes it’s something I worry about. Will I do anything about it? Probably not.
Post # 13
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee
I don’t know if we will ultimately have trouble conceiving, but we have been TTC for a few months with no luck. I went off the pill in January after 10+ years on it and am now almost 31. I’m pretty sure I haven’t ovulated yet, but have gotten periods (varying cycle lengths). We got married in 09 and wanted a full year of marriage before even thinking about kids. I would not have changed a thing in terms of when we started TTC, even if it turns out that waiting a while longer ruined our chances of TTC.
I would say this, though. I would have gone off the pill sooner had I known my cycles would be wonky and it would take a while to get back to normal. In my head I knew it was a possibility, but wasn’t into the idea of going off the pill and using a backup method of protection. I wish I had gone off like 6-8 months before TTC because now we are REALLY ready to get pregnant, and I have no idea what’s going on with my body.
Post # 14
Member
2561 posts
Sugar bee
I have been trying for about 9 months, I feel at this point like we are likely headed down the fertility treatment road, I wish I would have known sooner, but not so I could change anything, just so I could have been more relaxed about it in the beginning. I don’t think we would have been comfortable doing anything differently than we have.
Post # 15
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
The quick answer… while socially it’s more normal (it seems) now to have a child in your 30s… biologically…we’re still geared for our 20s. A 35 year old will have I think it’s around 6 times the difficulty of a 25 year old. Once you hit 40 I think you are more likely to miscarry than give birth along with abnormalities more likely. So really, the quick and easy answer is yes, it’s better the younger you are and every year you wait you could have an issue. You also could not have one.
Ultimately, you need to decide. Yes, the pill can affect you… and especially after long times on it… can take up to or more than a year to even begin ovulating again… if ever. Just to throw out there… It is possible to plan your family without messing with your system on the pill. I would rec. the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility to give you some insights on it.
@sweetkate: I’m not a doctor… but if you have periods on the pill… and no periods off of it… it sounds like a “simple” hormone imbalance or deficiency. A dear friend of mine had to have one of her ovaries removed as a child and like you.. never had a true period. She’s been using NaPro Technology and has been able to get her period naturally! They are still fighting with fertility but now that she is ovulating from her one ovary they’re getting closer. There’s one more deficiency she’s struggling with to keep a baby to term but they are that much closer. I know some others who have benefitted from it but she’s the most severe case I know. You shouldn’t have to settle for “we don’t know.” Besides, if you’re not getting your period… you probably aren’t ovulating either… thus meaning there is no reason for you to be on the pill. It’s not going to help get things started… I would really rec looking into NaPro as it’s more than just for infertility… it’s for all “lady problems.” 🙂
Post # 16
Member
1493 posts
Bumble bee
@Erindesmar: I got married around the same time as you with similar goals about enjoying marriage and similar age (31). I’m still on BC for another month or so before going off. I’m afraid of how my body will be going off. I’ve warned my Darling Husband that it could take some time to conceive and that we may not hit the birth month he wants. I keep trying to tell him that it’s all up to how my body reacts off BC. My periods were normal pre-BC 8 years ago as well. So, I’m ready to get off BC, ready to conceive, but worried how long it will take to happen.
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