- 7 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
Long sorry! There are two guests in particular that I am nervous about their behavior at the wedding. The first is my grandfather. He is much less of a concern than the next person, but he’s 91 and he’s been falling a lot lately, his hearing is very bad, and he is extremely stubborn and insists on doing things he shouldn’t do. He also likes to make snide comments to people and I’m nervous he will say something and offend someone at the wedding. At my sister’s wedding a few years ago, it was the first time he met Fiance (who was a new Boyfriend or Best Friend of mine at the time) and they were talking about my FI’s school (he had just started his masters in music composition at that time) and pretty much told my fiance that he should have been a dentist (his parents are both dentists and my grandfather used to be a dentist) and that he could have always had his music. Like just as a hobby. I know my grandfather said it as he was looking out for my best interest, but my Fiance was really offended and to this day I think is still hurt by it (though we joke about it now!) Luckily Fiance is very cool calm and collected most of the time and just let it roll off his shoulder. Over the past few years, grandpa’s filter has gotten worse. I am nervous he will say something to someone less understanding, or will insist on doing something he shouldn’t and fall. The good news in this case is that he is clearly an old man, and I think most people would not take it personally. We also have a plan to transport him to and from the venue so someone will be escorting him and helping him get around.
The person I am most worried about is FCIL. I have posted about her before as I really dislike the way the family handles her condition. She has borderline personality disorder and is extremely manipulative and verbally abusive. She is always on and off her medications and you never quite know what you’re going to get. She and I have had a tiff before, right around this time last year. She kept pushing me and asking me questions because she wasn’t liking the answers I was giving, because they didn’t align with her manipulations and lies. She took everything I said and twisted it out of proportion and told Future Mother-In-Law I said all of these horrible things to her, when in reality all I did was disagree with a question she asked and told her that the situation she was in at the time was temporary. Without going into all the details, Future Mother-In-Law understood that she lied about what happened, but was still somewhat upset with me that I didn’t just smile and nod and agree with everything she said. This attitude also is taken by several other family members and it drives me crazy. I understand that she is sick and I tread delicately around her, but if she is trying to suck me into it, I’m going to stand up for myself. Nonetheless, FIL’s and FCIL’s parents usually just turn a blind eye to her cruel behavior and lies, which I think really enables her. I understand they want to avoid drama, but their ignorance allows her to carry on and hurt people.
My concern is at the wedding FCIL will be triggered. She has said to me many times before how lucky I am to be getting married and she definitely always wants the attention to be on her. I am going to be seating her wtih her parents (she is 31) and other close relatives on that side of the family that know her condition. But inevitably there will be people dancing near her, in line to get a drink near her, sitting near her at the ceremony, etc that she could say the wrong thing to and set off. The other fear I have is that she will be so consumed by jealousy and upset that it isn’t all about her that she will intentionally do something malicious.
I have talked to Fiance about my fears and he totally agrees and asked his parents to put a plan in place. His parents said they thought it was a good idea and that they would talk about it but we haven’t heard anything further, and I’m afraid that they’re just too nice to say anything to FCIL and her parents about the concerns. Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law are the types to turn a blind eye as they want everyone to like them. My shower is just a few weeks away and FCIL RSVPed yes. That will be a much smaller crowd so I’m not sure if it will be a true test of how she will behave at the wedding. I’m just praying that her parents will be able to judge if she is well enough to attend and make a day of call based upon her mood. But they’ve allowed her around the family when she’s been completely off her rocker so I can’t be assured this is the case. She is also 31 and has access to a car so if they told her to stay home and she really wanted to come, I’m sure she’d find a way.
As the wedding and related events get closer, I can’t help but to worry about these people saying or doing something that could put a damper on the day. Do any of you have these same fears with any of your wedding guests? What kind of plan do you have?