(Closed) Do you worry about not being engaged because you care what others will think?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

No, I worried about not being engaged because (a year ago) it made me realize we weren’t on the same page. We are on the same page now though!

Post # 4
Member
2025 posts
Buzzing bee

A lot of my antyness was caused by the “when are you getting married?” and “I’m engaged” comments from all others. This is an excellent point to fellow waiting bees!

Post # 5
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I dont worry what people think of us not being engaged yet… but what bugs me is the constant “when are you two getting married!”

Our families know and understand why we aren’t engaged yet and while I would love to be engaged – financially we just aren’t able to.

So I get upset with the constant “when” from people who don’t understand our situation and even when you explain it to the persistent ones, still dont understand!

Post # 6
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee

@Marie10: For the most part, no. However, if you’ve been waiting a while, like I said in past posts… It starts to ware on your self-esteem. I’m definetly not the type of person who cares what others think of me. But in this case, after a while I start to wonder what they think. Do they think: “Why isn’t she married yet?”, “What’s wrong with her that no one wants to marry her?” “Does she keep the house dirty?”, “Is she not ‘marriage material'”, “Maybe she’s too pushy…?”.

My family doesn’t even have to say anything to me; I can see it in their eyes and it hurts. Especially when my grandmother is almost 90 years old. She doesn’t have much time left with us and it breaks my heart that there is a possibility that she won’t be with us when I get married or have children (like she has been with everyone else in my family). But I can’t rush something like marriage because of THIS or THAT reason. It’s not right.

Honestly? Yes, sometimes it worries me. Other times, I think: “Too frickin’ bad! Think what you want to think.”

GVD

Post # 7
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

To a certian extent I do worry about what other people think about us not being engaged. But, that is only because we are moving in together within the next month and my family is not exactly happy about it. My parents are fine with it but my Grandmother and my Aunts are upset, and this breaks my heart.But the main reason I want to be engaged with him is because I so badly want to be his fiance, and some day his wife.

Post # 8
Member
1738 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

When someone else asks, even in a joking manner, it just brings to the front of my mind all that I’ve tried to push to the back.  I want to know, too, if/when we’re getting engaged/married.  It just reminds me of everything I’ve already thought about myself… and makes it doubly worse to know others are thinking it, too.

Post # 9
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee

I definitely do sometimes even though it’s hard to admit. A lot of our friends are engaged or married and we’ve been together almost 4 years without an immediate plan to get married. We are ultimately totally happy right now and would rather concentrate on building our house and playing on our boat. When our recently engaged friends complain about money (or wedding planning or both) we smile at each other and know that we’re happy with our toys. 😀

 

Post # 10
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

I’ll admit that I get jealous of girls around me who get engaged, but it’s not only the jealousy that gets me, it’s that i know we are both ready and I’m getting anxious to just do it.  It doesn’t help when ppl ask us when it is going to happen-in fact, that makes it worse. Mostly I am just ready to officially start our lives together and it sucks that I have to keeeeeep waaaaaaaitiiiiing. It has been so long already (4.5 years) and that is the biggest factor in my anxiousness. I feel like so many people do it before this point and that gets me every time. I know that I should be, and I am happy that I have such a good relationship, and for this long, but now I’m ready for what’s next, and I’m impatient! My dad keeps asking, and so does just about everyone. The one thing we keep telling ourselves is that we will go into the marriage financially well, and that is a lot more than many of our friends can say-some of them had to move back in with parents after they got married. NO thanks!!

@Gwen von D: I totally agree that it hurts your self esteem after so long. Now when ppl get engaged I feel like they are looking for my reaction, because they know if affects me. ANd it does. I try not to let it show, but it always makes me think, “what is she doing that I am not? Am I not good enough for my bF? Does he not know that I am the one?” And I am also gettilng comments from my gma, out of love, i know. She will say “I hope you do it before I croak!” Grandma!! She is joking, but I know she is just as anxious and I wish I could do something about it.

Post # 11
Member
19 posts
Newbee

I hate this feeling! When I see others get engaged before me it makes me think that either he doesn’t think I’m good enough or that he’s not sure I’m that person. After having a friend say to me, ‘when are you getting engaged? If he wanted to marry you he would have done it by now’, I don’t tell others that I am close to if we talk about marriage or a ring at all. I feel like people use it as a way to make me feel bad since I have a lot of other good things going on in my life. I just decided to ignore what people say and someday when he does it, they can go pound sand! This post made me feel better since the ‘what do others think?’ bug still gets me from time to time. This is definately the root of my sad feelings, and if people never would have mentioned it in the first place, I honestly wouldn’t have caught the engagement bug for a few more months/years! I know it’s the root of my antsyness, but it is really hard to control, even though I’m very busy with work and hobbies, it still finds a way to creep in there!

Post # 12
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

YES!!  I’m to the point of embarrassment. I feel like others think that I’m stupid to be with him after so long and not married.  I guess I have a lot of patience but now they have run out!! .  If I’m not engaged by the holidays then I will not go to see his family in Texas. Once his whole family decided that we should trick my boyfriend into marrying me by telling him that we are all going to a beer festival but it would actually be the wedding.  I felt like digging my self a hole and hiding.  So horrible!!  Another time a friend of his family lectured him in front of everyone about getting married at his uncle’s funeral.  Incredible!!  To top it off tomorrow my team at work is going to have a get together.  Guess what topic my boss is going to bring up.  Yep, that my Boyfriend or Best Friend has not asked me to marry him yet. He knows my Boyfriend or Best Friend because we work in the same company so somehow he thinks it’s ok to make fun of it. IT”S NOT OK!  I so dread tomorrow!! The list goes on and on.  I’m beginning to think that it’s not going to work out if he doesn’t step up.  I’m going to have a serious talk with him in a couple of weeks because I can not take this anymore. : ( 

Post # 13
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m not so much bothered by what other people think of my relationship, but the pity hurts my feelings.  I can’t stand it when they ask about my engagement status, I share that I’m still waiting, and then they say “oohh” with this look like you poor silly single girl what is wrong with your relationship.  

There is nothing wrong with my relationship or the process of waiting, which I can forget because of the “oohh”s.  What is wrong is the pestering, the pity, the making us waiting ladies call our relationships into question or feel bad about our relationship status.  

Little bit of a rant Embarassed

Post # 14
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

I feel like people use it as a way to make me feel bad since I have a lot of other good things going on in my life.

My SO got upset about this, just this morning.lol He said” you have a good job, a Master’s and a new home and THAT is the only thing they can ask you about? Maybe they aren”t your friends.”

I was glad to see it bothered him like it does me.

Post # 15
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee

I’m really not bothered by what other people think as our friends and family know that we plan to get married within the next few years.  The people who know our situation are people with whom we are close.

That said, I am a bit, um, envious, of other girls I know who are getting engaged or married. 

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