Post # 1
We’ve been married 7 months & I just recently got a debit card linked to my husbands account.
I have no password to check the account online to see what’s coming in and out.
I’m a stay at home mom with my son & just was wondering how other stay at home moms or women in general deal with their finances in marriage?
It’s starting to get to me that he doesn’t involve me with the finances, and I’ve mentioned it several times, it took him 7 months just to get me a debit card….so who knows how much bugging i’ll have to do to get his account information.
With another baby on the way I see it as completely irresponsible to be kept in the dark about finances, I feel like I have a right to know.
Post # 3
When we got married, I took over everything financially. I have created most of his passwords and we have joint everything… Well, I have one $500 credit card he’s not on. But that’s it.
Post # 4
The week after our wedding we combined accounts. I joined his and got my debit card the same day. I haven’t shut down my other account, it just has $5.00 in it. I also have his password for the online banking (it’s just easier since I couldn’t remember my username and password and kept forgetting when I made my own online banking profile – too many usernames and passwords for things in my life!) so of course I have access to it all. I would never even think of not having access to every single thing having to do with my own finances. We do jointly take on the responsibility of the finances but because I was having some money related stresses that were causing me anxiety I asked him to take charge a little bit and keep up with the daily checking of the money, and the bill calendar that I originally set up on my email is now going to his email. I check the account every few days and I know every charge that is there even though I’ve asked him to take more responsibility in the daily checking and making sure money is where it needs to be when it needs to be there. We both know when the bills are due and are on top of getting them paid together but he’s the one who gets the little email notifications just reminding us. So basically everything we do is joint and I would never have it any other way – but we have also jointly decided that he should take charge of daily checking in and dealing with the bank, etc.
And to respond to your last statement, yes you have more than EVERY right to know.
Post # 5
You absolutely have a right to have access to all of your (and your husband’s) financial information! My husband and I combined our finances even before we got engaged, because we were committed to sharing everything. We have a joint account as well as individual accounts, but we both have all of the passwords and cards to every account, and we make all decisions together. That way we can tag-team things we need to do for bills, insurance, etc.
Once a month we sit down and have a “financial update” where we look at all of our bank and credit card statements and our saving goals. My husband is much more financially savvy than me, and I would be fine with him managing all the accounts on his own, but he really likes to include me in it and is “educating” me on investing and financial planning.
Post # 6
We have our own accounts but lately I’ve been leaning towards getting joint ones. We have been together for 7 years, own a home together for 2 years and will be getting married in October. I am intersted in seeing other’s and their experiences.
Post # 7
We have both. Most are “joint” now, but we also both had to maintain seperate checkng/savings account at our local bank because that was the conditions or both of our car loans (we both got our cars before we got married). It was a “you can get this low rate, but you have to have both a checking and savings account with us first” deal.
Most of our money goes into our joint account. I have a small amount direct-deposited into my personal checking because I still have a few bills that come out of there and if you don’t deposite $500 a month they charge a fee.
After my car is paid off, I’ll probably close that account. Darling Husband just paid off his car this month and closed his seperate accounts.
We both know each other’s passwords to everything. If I didn’t have access to the financial information (even though Darling Husband deals with most of it now), that would make me uncomfortable.
Post # 8
We have joint accounts where both of our names are on each other’s accounts, but we still use our own accounts..if that makes sense. We have a joint savings too, but I have another savings account that Darling Husband doesn’t know about because he is horrible with money.
Post # 9
@luvalways86: I’m a Stay-At-Home Mom also. This is how we have the accounts set up (we have many) I have an account in just my name that my son from a previous relationship child support goes into, Darling Husband has 3 savings account just in his name, 1 checking account in his name, we have a checking account in both our names (this is the one I use), and then we have another account out of state where our vaca house is that is in DH’s and my name with SIL as an authorized user (she takes care of the house when we are not there). I do not have any of the passwords for the accounts that are not in my name. We however speak of finances often and I know what comes in and out each month. I know what we have in savings and I know what our financial status is most of the time. Luckily we are in a position that finances are not a huge issue although we do still spend wisely and do not live in excess. We live pretty middle class and are planning for DH’s retirement since I do not work and he owns his own business. If I need something we discuss it together and visa versa.
Post # 10
We haven’t combined anything. We will eventually, but right now he really needs my credit score to pull his along, so seperate it’ll stay for a while.
Post # 11
We have joint everything but we talk about the finances and know what is going on with them. The only thing not joint are retirement accounts which are seperate by law. I think you need to have a serious sit down conversation with your husband. Everyone should know what is going on in the family finances.
Post # 12
@xxbyamomentx: If you had a good score, you could bump his up by adding him as an authorized user on your best credit card. And you two could combine your bank accounts without affecting credit scores.
Post # 13
We aren’t married yet, but we live together – we have a joint account for rent, bills, food, the car and so on, a joint savings account for the wedding and one for saving for a mortgage but we both get paid into our individual accounts. Once we get paid about 3/4 of our wages goes into one of the joint accounts – we like to have that little extra to do what we want with! That will most likely change when we get married though.
Post # 14
@luvalways86: We are separate right now but once we get married, we will be combining everything. Health insurance, medical, dental, bank accounts, including a joint savings account. He will take over the finances because he is incredibly good at budgeting.
Post # 15
@luvalways86: I take care of all the finances, we only have joint accounts. That being said, Darling Husband has access to ALL account passwords/balances, etc. I have a spreadsheet of what bills I pay/account logins (I pay all the bills online) in case anything were to happen to me, he wouldn’t be left in the dark.
I grew up watching my mom (a SAHM) not know anything about what was going on with the money. Typical 80’s marriage. Stay-At-Home Mom, and my dad was the “breadwinner.”
My dad would say that everything was taken care of, etc., but he’d open credit cards in her name and charge, charge away. 30 years later, they are going through a nasty divorce. My mom hasn’t worked in 25 years (since I was born). She has had no clue what my dad has been doing with the money, and now they are just overwhelmed with debt, she has no job, and no marketable skills to get back in the workforce (and let’s be real, who wants to hire a 57 year old woman when there are plenty of 20-year-olds willing to work. I know employers should not legally discriminate based on age, but they do). Unfortunately half of this debt accrued during marriage is hers, even though she hasn’t worked and hasn’t bought anything for herself the entire time. My POS dad gives her $80/month as “allowance.” What the F does that buy you!?
Sorry, mini vent.
My advice – DO NOT BECOME MY MOM!! DEMAND information from your husband. Just because he is the “breadwinner” doesn’t mean you have to be ignorant of the finances. Please include yourself in all financial decisions. Do not let your husband intimidate you into feeling you have no right to access your financial information.
Best of luck!
Post # 16
We each have our own accounts. One joint accounts for wedding stuff that we probably keep for joint expenses after the wedding.
You need to sit down with your husband and go over all of your accounts and everything and have a good money talk. I think even if one person is in charge the other partner needs to the ins and outs of what going on. If something should ever happen, it’s going to a diaster. I think since you clearly are uncomfortable with the way things have been going. You guys should handle the finances together. You have a right to know.
If it’s important of him to keep his own account. Then you guys should have one joint account, and each can have their own. But all of the information should be known to both sides