(Closed) Do Your Parents Have a Favorite Child?

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
Member
412 posts
Helper bee

Yes, without a doubt and I sometimes am very resentful of it. 

My younger brother (there is only the two of us) has always taken priority since we was born. He was a complete surprise, my mom had him when I was 7 years old, so for 7 years I was an only child. At first I didn’t notice, probably due to being young, by ever since I moved away for college and have since graduated and moved back home, it is quite obvious who is more important. 

They were much harder on me (not mean/strict by any means) but did require me to do chores, pick up after myself, when I got a job I was expected to pay for everything, etc. My brother has essentially zero responsibility besides going to school and being involved in his sports. I’ve been working since I was 16 (typical 8 hour days) and would come home and still be expected to do chores before anything fun. My brother on the other hand can come home, sleep for 3 hours and not be asked to lift a finger and my mom says “oh he has had a long day”. Excuse me?? I was at work the entire day…. Not to mention anything he asks for he gets. The kid probably has more shoes and underwear than I do as a woman. 

I could go on and on, but yes he is the obvious favorite. 

Post # 32
Member
782 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas

I think it’s a lie when parents say they don’t have a favorite.

My older brother is the clear favorite. football star in highschool, incredibly popular, etc. I was the mousey artist, theatre geek, etc. They spent years pushing me into sports, and always with the phrase “Jason likes it. Be more like him”.

I remember distinctly when I was grounded as a teen once because I dared to call home to extend my curfew. I was at one of those drug free student group parties. Not a drop of alcohol or drugs to be found (yes, I was one of ‘those’ goody two shoes). However, my brother could drive home drunk and high,  even talk to my parents so it was clear to them that he wasn’t sober, and they did nothing.

He’s had two kids by a girl who moved in with him after only knowing him a week. They’ve been ‘engaged’ for like 6 years.

My mom gleefully takes every chance to tell me what a horrible baby I was. Even told me that had I been the first, I would have been the last. Real loving.

Obviously I’m resentful. It has put a real strain on my relationship with them. I now barely talk to them outside of holidays or birthdays. I don’t speak to my brother or his girlfriend at all.

Post # 33
Member
4052 posts
Honey bee

Yep, its me. The competition is not very tough though…I’m the only one with a job who hasn’t effed up their life in one way or another. Although I still have time.

My DH’s dad is disgustingly obvious with his favoritism for his youngest son. He always wanted to be a rock star, and my Brother-In-Law is a professional guitarist. So naturally my Father-In-Law is completely obsessed with every move my Brother-In-Law makes….posts about him all the time on social media, follows all the band members, goes to every concert within a 3 hour radius, and talks about him whether he’s in town or not non stop. It annoys everyone, but honestly just makes him look kinda pathetic and looney so whatever. 

Post # 34
Member
775 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Growing up my parents treated us all the same. But I was always closer to my mother; because I was born with a heart condition I got more attention, and my cousins all felt I was my grandpas favourite on my father side. Again I think I was just closer to him, I had the same rules and we all had to share. Now as adults my little sister is closer to my dad, so she and my older sister both feel as if I’m my mothers favourite and my little sis, my dads favourite. I just think we’re closer and my older sister is just more private.

My mother is my grandmother least favourite child and only daughter so of course we weren’t her favourites. She would always say about us, those are the grandkids of my other grandmother. 

My DH is his mother least favourite child and she clearly shows it but never admits it. Now that we have her only grandchild she’s been a little better. But she already told me that even if we have more kids (before I was pregnant with baby #2) my DD will always be special and her favourite but I’ll be damned if I let her treat my kids the same way she does her own.

Post # 35
Member
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Orange County, CA

My sister and I are pretty even in terms of favoritism. I think one of the benefits of that is that we are extremely close, and have never really felt the need to be competitive with each other.

Just for a different prespective, my sister’s SO is explicitly the unfavored child.  His family expects him to help put with major project (roof renovations) and do all the taxes for thier small business, while going to college and holding a job. His younger brother is allowed to laze at home, not contribute and is forgiven when he steals thier mom’s credit card to buy frivolous things online. It goes so far that the mom will cook dinner for the younger brother but not my sis’ SO (c’mon, what’s one more chicken breast, for christ sake!?!)

 

Post # 36
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

View original reply
kmmq72 :  Oh my this sounds exactly like my DH and his family! He had so many responsiblities and his siblings have zero. They even let his married sister live with them for a while and she didn’t pay rent (she was also a brat and had a huge blowout with them before) .Whereas he was told that if he didn’t join the military they would kick him out of the house! Now, looking back, they realize they were “harsh” on DH and were just trying to make him independent. Maybe your parents though the same? Like it really means anything now. I am sorry you had to deal with that! It doesn’t really phase my DH I don’t think but honestly it makes me really mad when I think about it.

Post # 37
Member
439 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

To be honest, I’m fairly confident I’m the favorite. My brother and I are seven and a half years apart and growing up it seemed relatively equal, all things considered. We both did about the same in school, neither of us were troublemakers as teenagers (although I got yelled at for being sassy lol) etc. But then he married young, only telling us two weeks ahead of time, and his wife tends to cause a lot of drama which has strained the relationship. I think it’s just a combination of being the baby and being the one who will actually talk to them more than once every few months. 

But if you had asked this question while I was an angsty teenager and my brother was a full-fledged adult it would probably have been the other way around!

Post # 38
Member
410 posts
Helper bee

I’m an only child.

My fiancé is third of four children with divorced and both remarried parents. One of his siblings (second born) is very bitter and he and his wife are constantly vocally complaining how my Dear Fiance is the favorite of both mother/step father and father/step mother. They also complain vocally that their children are the least liked (each sibling but us has children, we are and will remain cfbc). I will admit that I think my fiancé is the mother’s favorite, but I think the first born is the father’s favorite. 

While I have no interest in having my own children, I definitely have a favorite from our nieces and nephews and I think it is probably very normal to have favorites. 

Post # 39
Member
7881 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

When I was growing up, my older sister was by far the favourite. She is 4-1/2 years older than I am, and was always a very responsible person in primary/high school. I wasn’t. Honestly, in my parents’ shoes, I would have favoured her, too.

However, college was a completely different story. I won’t go into it, but because of what my sister did (or didn’t do), our places changed. I graduated in 4 years from a major university that usually takes 4-1/2 or 5 years. My sister did not. Again, honestly in my parents’ shoes, I would have felt the same. My dad is deceased and my mum loves us both, but she has never really forgiven what my sister did. I don’t blame her. 

I am now the parent of three children. I do not feel I have a favourite at this point, but given life possibilities and the good and bad decisions kids can make, I can definitely see how one child could think I had a favourite. I can say from what my mum went through and what a lot of parents go through, often a child who thinks they are not the “favourite” actually might be. Parents use different tactics to try to get one child to be more responsible, and that often looks like favouritism. It is SO much easier to condemn one’s own parents when one has not experienced parenthood fully (until kids are older and/or adults). 

ETA: I just asked my kids who they thought was my favourite. They each named a different child, so each child got one vote. So the oldest thinks I favour his younger brother, the younger brother thinks I favour his little sister, and the little sister thinks I favour the oldest. I laughingly chastised them all for thinking I even HAD a favourite. I guess that means I’m doing okay so far!

Post # 40
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Yes and it’s me so it works out GREAT!

Post # 41
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I am the favorite, mostly becuase my brother is 6 years older than me and was always  handfull. he never lead a good life growing up and ended up doing drugs and living in the streets. he recently moved back in w my parents but was sent to rehab. I always looked down to him because i never wanted to live that kind of life. I am an honest caring responsible person so naturally i am favored. My daughter is the oldest grand child and spends a lot more time w my parents then my brothers son who lives w him mom far away. 

Post # 42
Member
4066 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I’m the favorite because I’m the only child lol. My husband is the favorite between him and his brother. His brother just always caused so many problems as a teen and young adult. My husband wasn’t an angel but he didn’t cause his parents any extra stress either. My husband in general has his shit together where as my Brother-In-Law always seems to have problems that come about from his own stupidity. 

Post # 43
Member
7881 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think I’m my dad’s favorite. We are very similar and get along well. I’m not sure if my mom has a favorite. She might like my sister more. I get in arguments with my mom a lot. 

DH says one of his sisters is his dad’s favorite and the other is his mom’s favorite, but I don’t think I can tell. 

Post # 44
Member
1256 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Yes, but not in an unfair way. They are equal with the 4 of us but we like to joke about who is clearly the favorite at each time. Usually rotates by who has had a big accomplishment or exciting life event, but like I said, all in good fun. We also rank our parents’ favorite in-laws, which is equally humorous. 

Post # 45
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I would say my sister and I are equal, but favorited over our stepsisters. My sister and I were raised by our mom before my stepdad and his daughters came along. My parents have had many issues with my stepsisters and their moms which left a bitter taste in their mouths so I think that’s why they’re not as favorited. Not to mention both of them can be super difficult to handle at times. I am most definitely my grandpas favorite though lol. 

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