(Closed) Do Your Parents Have a Favorite Child?

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 46
Member
2668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

My mum definitely has a favourite, and that is my youngest sister. She is 13 years younger than me and 11 years younger than our other sister, so as the baby of the family and the only one still living at home she’s a little spoilt. I have to admit that my other sister and I probably spoil her as well though lol.

I feel like my dad’s favourite changes though. My parents are separated and my dad has 2 little boys with my step mum in addition to us 3 girls with my mum. Sometimes I’m the favourite (ie when I was in university and then during my engagement, as he was just so proud of my achievements – I was the first person on my dad’s side of the family to go to university). Sometimes my sister is the favourite (she is a chef and my dad is a very good cook, so they have a lot in common). Sometimes my other sister is the favourite, and sometimes one of my younger brothers is the favourite.

My DH is definitely his mum’s favourite – he was the only boy, the youngest and has always been a bit of a mummy’s boy lol. She doesn’t overtly favour him over my SILs but you can tell that they have a really special bond above and beyond what she shares with her daughters.

Post # 47
Member
474 posts
Helper bee

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DanaWeddingGuest :  I dont think there is any favoritism in our family and my parents make that very clear. But I tend to think my father favors me more because I went the path that he thinks is the best path whereas my sister went her own way and she says shes so miserable. She also resents dad because he has always been a strict dad. She lives overseas so it is difficult to tell if there is any favoritism.

My parents put a lot of effort to ensuring that there is no favoritism in the family. They absolutely resent that kind of parenting and are aware of the damages it could cause to their kids’ self esteem. They have never compared us as far as I remember. I have a stronger emotional bond with my dad feel that my dad due to me being the youngest and being a bit of a daddy’s girl and also living closer to my parents (my sister overseas). When it comes to giving us anything, or any expectations, he is very much equal and never put different standard to us. We were treated and educated equally. What they expected of my sister, they expected the same from me. My sister never complained of favoritism and me neither so I guess there really isn’t any favoritism in my immediate family. We are very lucky in that sense. 

My dad was the pillar of the family as he was the eldest son and that carried a lot of responsibilities and grandma made sure he knew he had to take care of his other siblings which he does to this day. As far as I am aware, grandma loved everyone equally but she gave more to my dad because she expected more responsibilities from him. Grandma was widowed at the age of 26 and never remarried. She relied on my dad to step up. He knew froma very young age that he had to step up. So I guess it wasnt favoritism… she just educated him differently to step up. The siblings (my aunties and uncles) are incredibly good to each other, always loving and helpful to each other in a non judgmental way. It is rare but I feel that the equal love grandma gave to the siblings strengthened their bond. There is no favoritism amongst the cousins either. My aunty seems to favor my sister because she used to babysit her a lot when she was a baby but when it comes to treating us, she’s v equal. She has no child of her own and has fair bit of wealth. She says she will give them equally to her nephew and nieces with no discrimination. 

 in my mom’s family the favoritism is pretty bad and that caused a lot of friction in the family…clearly the eldest son was the favorite as a child but the second son is far more successful but he doesnt help his mother at all because he was so hurt from the favoritism. The eldest son has no $$ and tries to get help from the mother (grandma) who is also struggling with $$. Sad. So my dad steps in to help a lot..hence the favorite of the family there too. The siblings are not good to each other there… 

In my DH’s family the favoritism is awful. Possibly the worst I have heard of so far. His brother was the clear favorite since childhood and the parents showed it with no shame. My DH hated it and was very hurt and it makes me sad because he is such a good man. That is why he loves my parents so much because they always try their best to be fair and treat everyone with respect unlike his parents who mistreated him and favored his brother a lot more. They compared the two for bascially everything. And the brother grew up to be a self absorbed selfish guy. If the Brother-In-Law doesn’t turn up to things, it’s because he’s busy with more important stff and if my DH didnt turn up to things it was because he was a bad son. So obviously over the years my DH jus does not give a crap and abandoned them altogether. My Brother-In-Law doesnt give a crap either. Both sons dont really like their parents and they hate each other. Classic example of what favoritism does to the kids and how it tears the family apart. 

it doesn’t bother me too much because I get no attention from my in laws so there is zero pressure or expectations. They really dont care about what we are up to with our lives so it’s very stress free. They genuinely dont mind even if I see them once a year or once every few years. My husband doesn’t even tell my Mother-In-Law where we live and she never asks. It is crazh but I love how it’s stress free. I have seen first hand how stressful my mom’s life was with all the attention and expectation that came with the favorite son. 

Post # 48
Member
474 posts
Helper bee

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steny03 :  that would have been so tough.. sounds like my DH and his brother. His brother was the popular “jock” whereas my DH was a nerdy skinny guy. My DH is very successful now but no matter what he does he’s never good enough. His mother was the real culprit. She never held back. It is horrible… clearly my DH doesnt talk to his mother. 

Post # 49
Member
2317 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I’d like to hear from more parents- do you actually have a favourite or is it a case of loving children in diff ways?

Post # 50
Member
4948 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

My little sister has always been the favorite, and my parents have financially supported my brother more than either me or my sister. 

I’ve never been the favorite, which bothered me a lot as a kid. 

Now it just is what it is. 

Post # 51
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

At different stages of our lives my parents were closer to one of us than the others, but no steady favorites.  There are definitely things about each of my siblings my parents have unique connections with, though.  I’d say we’re all equally loved. 

Post # 52
Member
9237 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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Innerdonught :  That is a good question.

I had a conversation in adulthood with my some of my siblings (I have many) and we all came up with a different answer and it was rarely the individual proclaiming themselves the favourite.

It often just comes down to perspective. My sister closest in age to me said I was the favourite because I got so much attention (due to being ill) whereas I always saw that attention as a negative, like they didn’t trust me to take care of myself and I was not allowed to do a lot of the things my siblings were free to do (like sleepovers). 

I think the majority of parents do not have a favourite but that because each child (and parent) has a unique personality that parenting differs for each child. I think the “favourites” discussion says more about the child than the parent in most cases (someone with a victim personality is going to play the victim regardless of the topic and a selfish person is going to think selfishly etc etc). 

This obviously doesn’t include parents with mental health issues who act out/manipulate others including their children. 

Post # 53
Member
380 posts
Helper bee

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DanaWeddingGuest :  I’m an only child too! Wow so many only children here. 🙂 I didn’t have to go through that, but my SO did, and still does in a sence. He’s the oldest (and the least favorite) with a younger brother and even younger sister. It’s very clear in the family that the younger brother (middle child) is the favorite, even above the sister. I was surprised at how vocal the family is about this, and its hurtful to the other siblings. I would never do this as a parent; but I already know that I want my daughter to be an only child and don’t want anymore kids.

Post # 54
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

100% clear as day that my parents each have their own favorite. I would’ve thought that parents would usually try to hide it, but not in my family.

Post # 55
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My brother is 6 years younger than me and was my moms clear favorite from the minute he was born. My parents had a hard time conveiving him so i guess thats why. Mom was a stay at home mom and dad worked so hard that i would be in bed when he came home and he would leave befire i got up. He was home on Saturdays and sundays so i looked forward to those days the most. I knew i was safe and get more attention i guess. My dad picked up immediately when my brother was doing something to purposefully get me in trouble and my mom was nicer to me. One clear moment stands out the most. I was in college 8 hours away and needed $20 for Rx medication. I called my mom and asked for it and was told no because my (17 year old) brother goes ice skating with his friends every friday and that money is for him… i called my dad and he immediately transferred the money into my account. Am i resentful? Yep. 

Post # 56
Member
3297 posts
Sugar bee

I am one of three girls, I’m the oldest. My parents never seemed to have a favourite child. It was all pretty equal between the three of us. My maternal grandmother definitely has favourite grandchildren though. Black sheep over here lol.

Post # 57
Member
4835 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My parents would insist they didn’t have favorites, though they definitely treated us all differently. I have NEVER been my mom’s favorite – she tended to project a lot of her feelings about her older sisters on my relationship with my younger siblings (for example, she used to feel left out, so I had to take my sister literally everywhere with me). She also readily admits she doesn’t understand me.

Overall, my brother was the golden child growing up (outgoing, athetically gifted, academically gifted, artistic, musical, etc.). Our lives literally revolved around his activities (we even rescheduled vacations when his little league team went into playoffs, leading me to miss 2 weeks of softball instead).

As adults, my sister needs my parents the most, so she gets the most attention, whereas my brother and I are more independent. Of the three, I’m willing to put up with my mom’s “honesty” (cruelty) the least, so I’m still her least favorite. My dad and I are much closer, and I think he’s pretty fair between my brother and I. He’s at a loss with my younger sister, but he played less clear favorites.

Post # 58
Member
3172 posts
Sugar bee

I’m definitely not the favorite! My mom hates me. I think my husband is the favorite. He is the middle of three boys. He had to be independent a lot because his parents often forgot about him, which helped him out in life compared to his brothers. 

Post # 59
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

My parents have always been split. My dad’s fave is my sister- they have similar interests, hunting, camping, kids (she has kids, I don’t, and he LOVES grandkids). I think the deal is that he still has to take care of her so he feels wanted and I’ve been independent since I moved out so he mostly forgets about me.

My moms fave is me- were best friends, we work together, were more girly, we’re very career oriented etc…

It is odd because my mom and sis rarely get along, but my dad and I are cool, and my sister and I are besties. My parents are still married too so it sometimes becomes an argument “you only like this daughter! Thats why youre sticking up for them!” Family Drama right? haha

 

Post # 60
Member
1823 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

My parents don’t have a favourite. My brother and I interact with them in different ways, need them for different things, but I know they love us both.

My fiancé has two brothers and five sisters. I think his parents have favourites but it changes with time. Not him though, I think it’s between his sisters.

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