(Closed) Do your parents live someplace you hate?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

We won’t be living by our families, but we’re ok with that because we also want to live in a place that Fiance and I are going to be able to easily find a job. As someone whose grandparents all died while I was very young/not alive, I know that yes, as a kid you miss them. But you will be in the position where your kids will be able to know them with a car trip/plane ride, and they can always come visit you, too! Not the ideal solution necessarily, but the best for your kids and yourselves.

Post # 4
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I feel this way.  I hate where I grew up.  After high school graduation, I could NOT wait to get out of there.  I grew up in a small, sports-obsessed town a la Varsity Blues.  No one ever leaves.  You’re born there, you live there, and you die there.  I lived at college for four years and moved somewhere else on my graduation day.  No way was I going back.

My parents recently moved a little outside of the town into the suburbs but I still don’t love it there.  My mom is incredibly disappointed that I will likely be living in NYC, or farther away (!!) when we have grandchildren.  Especially because my sister stayed and will likely never leave.

Fiance grew up in a similar town about 45 minutes from where I grew up.  His parents are heartbroken that he has no desire to move back there.  Eso. because his brother lives right down the street.

We’re kinda like the black sheep of the families ;o)

Post # 5
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I got in my car and rode off right after highschool. Best decision I ever made. I now live about 1200 miles from my parents. That’s what trains, planes and automobiles are for!

Post # 6
Member
5262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

R and I both hate the general area where our parents live (mine move around a lot, but they’re usually within 20-30 miles of where I went to high school) but have decided to stay here just because family is here. It’s a really hard decision, and one that I regret a little every winter! 

Post # 7
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I didn’t grow up in an area near my grandparents.  They were a few hours drive away.  My parents had to go somewhere where the schools were good without having to pay private school tuition.  Now I live about a day’s drive from where my dad lives.  I wouldn’t want to live there though because we would probably have a huge commute to jobs.  It would probably cost more to live there too.  With the availability of flights, I don’t really think it’s so necessary to live near your extended family anymore.

Post # 8
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I couln’t wait to get out of my hometown. Now I live across the country and that’s just the way I like it! Similar to hotchild, I lived in the type of place where people were born, stayed, and died. It actually was a source of contention between me and an ex who were dating long distance – he had all these visions of grandeur about me moving back  home when I was done university, blah blah blah. I still visit home over the holidays, but I end up feeling like Zach Braff in Garden State.

I have thought about my parents not being around when Fiance and I have kids, and it does bum me out a bit, but I don’t think its a good enough reason to entitle myself to a life of misery moving back home. We couldn’t do it anyway – Fiance would be unable to get a job there.

Post # 9
Member
3124 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

if your parents moved to raise kids, there is a chance that they’ll move when you have kids somewhere.  You may not think so, but some of my friends’ parents with very established roots have purchased vacay homes, or condos, or whatever to be near their children’s families.  Choose somewhere that you really like though, hopefully near an airport that travels to your parent’s state just in case.

Post # 10
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I had the same problem growing up.  My parents had moved to a tiny little town after they were married and it was far away from all of their families.  We would usually go visit them once a year, but it wasn’t the same.  I was always jealous of my cousins who knew my grandparents as people because they got to see them all the time.  Now I want my future kids to know their grandparents!  Except that I really can’t move anywhere near where they live in Forks, WA.  There are no jobs there, unless you count those related to vampire tourism.  😉  But now we live about 4 or 5 hours away so we could visit fairly easily.

Post # 11
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Valhalla: Fiance and I laughed SO HARD watching that movie, because it’s SO super-awkward when we come “home.”  We’re always overdressed, people just ask us constantly about the subway, and it’s hard to eat anywhere besides Applebee’s or TGI Fridays.  Ha.

Post # 12
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t *hate* it, but it is not my favorite place.  When I was growing up, I got crap for any reason you could get crap for.  The crime rate was high, the literacy rate was low. Any time I went out with an older relative, we’d encounter some long lost family member. I began to worry that I was related to nearly everyone in the area, and if not, any person I might fancy might be related to nearly everyone in the area.  and if there’s no relation, then everyone knows everyone knows everyone’s business, and the last thing I want is the town knowing my business.  My mom is definitely guilty of being in the knowing everyone’s business, so I don’t really tell her all that much.

I like to use this anecdote as a glimpse at the state of the area:  Between the ages of 18 and 21, ages when most people aren’t with child, when a guy would hit on me and find out I was between 18-21, the next question would be “how many kids you got”.  Not “do you”, but “how many”, like I default to having at least one.  There was also the lovely “you got a man?”, which would be fine, were it not followed by “would you cheat on him?”.

My family keeps harassing me to come back, I’d definitely find a job there… but I don’t think I’d be happy.  My mom keeps trying to tell me that the area is doing better, and when I visit, it looks like it is, but I wouldn’t want to live there.  

Post # 13
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@hotchildinthecity: I know exactly what you mean, I spent several years in Chicago, a few years on Long Island (which is actually also where I was born), am in Providence now and Fiance has lived in Providence, Boston and NYC.

We get the same questions about Subway/Cabs/City/Traffic/etc. I had a friend from high school come visit me in Chicago, it was her first plane ride EVER at about 25 years old and when I picked her up from the airport she was literally “ducking” in the car in fear of an accident every 2 seconds. I find it comical, but there is also a huge part of me that is so thankful I took the chance and high-tailed it out of there. I can only imagine how things would have ended up for me if I hadn’t.

Post # 14
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

My parents live in a podunk hillbilly town. There are no opportunities for me and I hate being so far removed from reality. I really hate that place–I’m embarassed to say I went to high school there. Hate it with a passion. It’s such a loser town. Its like hotchild said–you live there, you breed there, you die there.

Unfortunately my parents will move to St Louis when Hell freezes over. They are retired and would much rather live their luxurious life quietly than have to deal with the city and being near us and their grandkids.

Post # 15
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My parents met in Texas.  My mom had recently been divorced and never had the money to move back to NJ. My dad was from NY and stationed on the gulf with the Coast Guard.  After they got married and he left he got a GREAT job for a major oil company and we stayed in Houston.  MY grandparents and all my aunts, uncles, and dads sibilings lived up in the northeast.  We spent every other summer for 2 weeks up there.  My dads parents bought a winter house in milder Texas so we got to see them a lot.  Now, I live near an aunt/uncle but my parents live over seas.  I met my SO here, his family is here… parents, siblings, and aunt… but that’s it.  I REALLY want to move back to my hometown in Texas.  It’s housing is so much more affordable, the environment is better for raising kids, and it’s so much warmer! lol.  He doesn’t.  This is always our biggest argument.  I want MY parents around (they’ll be back soon, my dads almost retired) for the grandchildren.  Not that I don’t like his.  I love his.  But they’re not mine.  I want to be able to call MY mom :-).

We often say that maybe we should move to  a completely NEUTRAL territory.  I keep suggesting another city in Texas.  He doesn’t like that.  I think I’m more eager for Texas than my parents though 🙂  Luckily, Carraba’s has blue bell homemade vanilla ice cream on their menu! lol

Post # 16
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@EJS: Fiance and I NEVER tell people where we’re from.  “Albany” is general enough for me, and he says “west of Albany, sorta towards Syracuse.”

I wish my parents would move closer to the city, but they never will.  They’ll have my sister, because she’ll never go anywhere.

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