Do your parents stay with you when they visit town?

posted 2 years ago in Family
  • poll: Where does family stay?
    At a hotel : (21 votes)
    19 %
    With us : (67 votes)
    61 %
    Family stays with us even when I’m not there : (21 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    969 posts
    Busy bee

    My parents live in the same town. However when other family visit, they all stay at our house. We have a 5 bedroom house. 

    Post # 17
    Member
    5563 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2018

    We only have a one bed but friends and parents always stay in our living room when they visit. I had the kind of upbringing where it would be seen as rude to let your guests stay in a hotel so it’s never really been something we have considered. Plus both our parents are from out of town and we like to make the most of the visiting.

    Post # 18
    Member
    1768 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    Both our families are local and Fi and I aren’t living together until after the marriage,  but I wouldn’t think it too weird hosting family in an open living space,  but I agree that it would be awkward for Fi to be required to stay alone in that space with my mom.

      He has a much closer relationship with my dad,  so they’d have a fun evening watching movies or playing board games, or more likely,  they would do some guild runs in our online game.  But mom and Fi would be awkward.  They wouldn’t have anything to talk about. I mean,  she likes him,  but they’ve not really bonded yet.  

    Post # 19
    Member
    780 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    My in laws never stay with us, our next door neighbour is my Mother-In-Law and his brothers also live in the same city as us. My whole family lives in other countries so when they visit, they stay with us. My mother stayed with us for six months when I was pregnant with my first. She stayed with my husband alone when I was in the hospital, so I don’t think that’s weird. But I would feel a little unconfortable because there’s no guest room.

    Post # 20
    Member
    118 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: Gloucestershire, UK

    We never host family in our house, unless absolutely necessary, or for very short periods of time which we both consent to. 

    Really, it’s a sanity keeping measure. I’m used to the quirks of my family, and he is used to his. The little issues I’d shrug off as “oh thats just how my mom is”, he wouldn’t as it’s not his norm. So, we choose not to invite potential aggrivation and boundary stomping. Plus, we’re generally just very private people who appreciate our space, neither of us is particularly comfortable with hosting in general. 

    As much as I consider his family my extended family, I would not be comfortable hosting them alone in my own home. A home is a place of comfort, and no matter how long you’ve known someone… you’re never going to be as comfortable around your in-laws as you are around your own kin. I’d never put that on FH.

    Post # 21
    Member
    6663 posts
    Bee Keeper

    My mother would have no issue with your circumstances, but then again, she doesn’t get boundaries. My Fiance, on the other hand, would happily pay for her hotel room and drive her there, or give her his car or uber account. There is such a thing as too close for comfort.

    Post # 22
    Member
    2395 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    I don’t see a problem with this. For what it’s worth, I’ve been known to take my air mattress & sleep in my son’s living room when doing an overnight visit. He’s in college & has a roommate with whom he shares a 2 bedroom apartment. He went to work one night & didn’t get home till the wee hours, and his roommate & I were fine.  We refrained from taking our clothes off in front of one another & nobody made sexual advances… because we’re just normal adults.

    Post # 25
    Member
    1963 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

    We only have cousins that live out of town but when they come to visit for Christmas and they stay until the New Year they stayed with us the days we were on holidays. We are the same age and very close, the days we had to work her and her husband stayed with my aunt and uncle.

    Post # 26
    Member
    422 posts
    Helper bee

    My family doesnt stay with me, because I hate house guests and most live within an hour or so and always go home.

     

    My FIL’s invite themselves to stay with us for entire weekends whenever they please, annoys the piss out of me and I usually don’t get notified that they will be squatting in my house and expecting me to cook and clean for them all weekend until a couple days before. After I told Future Mother-In-Law recently that the weekend they decided they’re staying at my house I have plans she said “Well, can we still stay here? We could pay for a hotel but $300 for one weekend is a lot.” Here’s an idea, go home! You only live an hour away and you were never invited to stay here! Sorry, just need to vent, this post is bringing out my demons! LOL

    Post # 27
    Member
    1062 posts
    Bumble bee

    Prior to getting married, my Mother-In-Law would come stay at my now DH’s house for days at a time, and she INSISTED on taking his bed. Now that we’re married, she opts to take the sofa. Her visits have cut down A LOT, maybe 1 night in the past 6-9 mos. 

    My Father-In-Law lives a few towns over so he never stays over. 

    Post # 28
    Member
    2395 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    tomkitty :  You describe yourself as kind of bohemian (along with your peers) and yet your friends complained when your mom stayed the night in the past? I kind of laughed at that. That’s got to be one uptight “artsy” set of friends. Guess nobody was allowed to crash at your place & this bohemian lifestyle only included daytime activities? Lol. 

    It’s ok to be uptight. I get it. But there’s nothing improper about your mom & fiance sleeping in the same apartment. 30 year Olds should be better able to control themselves than 20 year old college students, even. 

    You seem to have a touch of ageism. Where you would discriminate against someone because of their age. I find that, just like the other “isms” very gross. It’s as if you find someone older to be somehow wildly different than just a “normal” person. Just because your friends would socially discriminate against even sharing a space with an older person (finding it somehow distasteful), does not mean it’s appropriate. I raised my son (and my son’s peers were raised) to treat all people with the same level of respect. 

    Post # 29
    Member
    1203 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    My parents live out of state and they get a hotel bc we only have a 1 bedroom apartment, but we just bought a house so they will be able to stay with us starting next month! 

    Post # 30
    Member
    1183 posts
    Bumble bee

    I think every family is different. You could always make a suggestion to your mother if you feel uncomfortable with the current plan. 

    My family always stays with me, and vice versa. We find it fun! My Fiance family aren’t close at all, and he said it took a bit of adjusting for him to have family in his face all the time on visits/holidays hehe. xo

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