(Closed) do you/will you call your (future) in-laws “mom” or “dad”?

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 76
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

My late husband wanted me to call his mother mom and I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, although he did call my mother mom.  His dad was never around much so it wasn’t ever mentioned, and my own father died when I was a teenager before we ever met.  My mom remarried about a year after we had married but by that point no one was comfortable referring to her new husband as dad, and my late husband died before we ever reached that point.  

Fiance and I have been together 3 years and I can see myself someday referring to his parents as Mom & Dad, even though my mother is still great and I also really like my stepdad who I refer to dad now that they’ve been married 15+ years.  I really love DF’s parents and they’re amazing to my kids from my late Darling Husband and just generally wonderful “grandma/pa” types.   

Post # 77
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

In my family we call our in laws mom and dad. I’m the only one who isn’t comfortable with this. I’m not sure what I will be calling his parents….. they have grandchildren that call them Grammy and Papa . I’ll probably end up calling them that.

Post # 78
Member
337 posts
Helper bee

I don’t call them mom or dad.   Though while they are talking with me they will refer to each other as mom or dad so I just go along with it.  🙂 

Post # 79
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

Too weird, still can’t get myself to do it and I’ve been engaged 6 months. Probably in a year or two…

Post # 80
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I sometimes call my in-law “mom and “dad” but usually, most of the time I call them by their first name. It depends also though because if I was talking to my husband’s siblings I will call them ‘mom” and “dad” just because it’s easier to know who we are talking about. I find it wierd though as I have a mom and dad already and I do feel they are the only one I should only call that. My parents however told my husband he can call them that but he doesn’t as he finds it wierd as well. 

Post # 81
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: My church and Florian Park

lilyfaith :  I do the same thing. The day we got engaged, I told my fiancé that I didn’t want to call his parents mom and dad (his Brother-In-Law does, so I was like I am not doing the same thing) so, when we called after we got engaged, his dad says “Becky, you can call us mom and dad now.” I looked at my again and shook my head lol. I pretty much avoid calling them anything but I have said their first names if I needed to. While doing Christmas presents etc, I wrote “mom” or “dad” because it was from both me and Fiance and I signed my FIs name before writing mine and did the same for my parents. I just decided now that of it ever comes up again about calling them “mom” or “dad” I will tell them I am just not comfortable with it. 

Post # 82
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2018

JuneBride_26June2010 :  nope. But I really hate my future mother in law. Even if I liked her, I already abscess a mom. i was adopted and recently got in contact with my birth mother and I don’t even call her mom. She’s biolocally my mother, and I call her mom jokingly, and I love her to death. But I have a mom. She’s my mommy. I don’t need another. 

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  prettyicecube. Reason: KEyboard froze and accidently wrote “f*ck” instead of “if”
Post # 83
Member
747 posts
Busy bee

I don’t understand why this ever became a thing – so I call them mom and dad – which in normal terms would suggest my husband is my brother? Thanks,  but no thanks.  

Post # 84
Member
16 posts
Newbee

JuneBride_26June2010 :  

Letting the words come out naturally and fluidly in conversation would be a great way to establish the tradition of calling them mom and dad. And it will show that they earned the title, which should cause respect to grow among you. Some in-laws might expect for you to start calling them mom and dad either after the engagement or after the wedding. If this is the case, your spouse should tell you about his or her parents’ expectations. Then, you have to honestly express what you think about the idea of calling your in-laws mom and dad. 

Post # 85
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I do call my future in laws “mom” and “dad”, but I started off calling his mom, whose first name is Debra, “Mama D”. Maybe something like that could work for you. Something implying they are now your family, but also not taking the place of your parents.

Post # 86
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2019

In our case, we will call our parents in law “mom” and “dad” because it’s the Vietnamese culture. I’ve seen cases where my friends started calling their inlaws mom and dad even before they got married! I told my mom that my non-Vietnamese friends call their inlaws by names and she was shocked. It fascinates me how cultures can be so different 🙂  

Post # 87
Member
763 posts
Busy bee

Yes. I’m surprised by how strongly people feel about this. I have a mom who raised me and I love her. But my Future Mother-In-Law is also so motherly and she is family. My dad also calls my maternal grandmother mom in Chinese. But whatever you feel comfortable with is fine. 

Post # 88
Hostess
1725 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

My husband and his brother rarely even call their parents Mom and Dad – they started calling them by their first names to be pains as teenagers and never really switched back. Plus, I think they’d hate it if I called them mom/dad. Mother-In-Law told me once that her mother in law insisted on being called “Mother LastName” and my Mother-In-Law hated it so much. 

As for my parents, since my first niece was born, a few years before I even met Darling Husband, my whole family started calling them what she calls them: Granny and GrandMan. We’ve called my dad “Man” instead of dad for years. My husband calls my mom Granny sometimes or by her first name sometimes. He calls my dad by his first name bc GrandMan is admittedly sort of weird. 

Post # 89
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I call my in laws by their first names in person but sometimes go along with calling them Mom and Dad when we’re talking about them to each other at the house. I think in a few years they will be called Grandpa and Grandma but not until we have actual children right now we have fur babies. LOL 

Post # 90
Member
648 posts
Busy bee

I only have a Future Mother-In-Law, FI’s Dad passed years before I met him. I definitely will keep calling her by her name. Although Fi and I do call each other’s aunts “Aunt FirstName” I think just because that how we always refer to them so it stuck with the other one’s aunts. My aunt thinks it’s really funny and cute that he calls her Aunt. 

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