do you/will you call your (future) in-laws “mom” or “dad”?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 91
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

JuneBride_26June2010 :  fi’s family is very informal, so i call his parents by their first names.  I’d rather “mr and mrs last name” as that was how I was brought up, but I’m used to it now.

With the maw-maw, paw-paw thing, dont think it’s normal to veto what your kids call the grandparents.  In my circles, That’s always been picked by the grandparents and then sometimes the kids as they get older.  I think if some of the older kids call them that, it’s not nice to tell your future kids they are not allowed to – though I suppose that’s a future problem 😊

Post # 92
Member
1884 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I know my in laws would like for me to  call them mom and dad, but I’m not there yet. I’m trying to remember what their grandparent banes are. I think it’s slightly different from my parents(my parents have been using Grandma and Grandpa for many years now,  oddly every other set of grandparents chose a different set of names, so they’ve always been the only grandma and grandpa to my nieces and nephews.)

Post # 93
Member
2446 posts
Buzzing bee

I love both of my daughters in law dearly. My first daughter in law called me by my first name from the first time I met her and I hated it, but now that her son is here she calls me “grandma”. 

My second D-I-L has called me “mom” since she married my other son- her choice. I like that and I’m. Ow grandma to her children also.

Post # 94
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I will absolutely NEVER call my in-laws mom and dad even if they begged me. My in-laws have an issue where my fiance’s stepfather insists he call him “dad” and he was like “um no I have a dad even though you hate his guts”. So this conversation has already come up.

I have a mom and a dad. And they have earned that recognition and the selectivity. No one on this earth will ever be called my mom and dad but them, even when they are dead. 

The grandparents will be easy because they’re divorced. Grandma and Grandpa will be for his true parents and their spouses will be called by their first names. My mother wants to be called Grandma, but my dad wants to be called “Pappy” lol we will see on that one 😀

Post # 95
Member
632 posts
Busy bee

I never even knew this was a thing to call your in-laws mum and dad?? I call them by their first names! I already have a mum and dad. 

As for when they’re grandparents, we have it easy because my Fiance is Spanish and I am English. I think my parents will be Nana and Grandad (What my nieces call them) and his parents will be Abuela and Abuelo. 

Post # 96
Member
296 posts
Helper bee

I’m firmly in the First Name club. There are only two people who are entitled to be called Mum and Dad they are your parents.

I also would never have called them Mrs and Mr Whoever as I feel you are a adult as are they. You are not subservient to them. They call you by your first name and you have the right to address them in the same manner.

Post # 97
Member
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

For me, it depends on who I am talking to.  To their face, it’s easier for me to call them Mom and Dad.  It helps that we spend a ton of time with them, so I got used to it fairly quickly.  However, to everyone else I use their first names in order to avoid confusion.  I guess I just felt uncomfortable using their first names (i was brought up on Mr. & Mrs.) but using Mr. and Mrs. seemed too formal.

Post # 98
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

I’ll be calling my fiancé’s parents mom and dad. It’s a cultural thing though, it’s very typical in our cultures (Chinese and Viet) to call in-laws mom and dad because when you say “I do” you marry not only the person but also their family. While it doesn’t feel odd to me I can understand how it could be.

Post # 99
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2019

This is a common issue and a generational failure, both on baby boomers that raised us and the gen x/millenial group now getting married. Even after 8 years, this thread is a top read and can’t believe no one has discussed the why, only sprouting their opinion since the world is all about them.

We try to explain it away with cultural differences because we’re taught to be prejudice and dismissive, but it’s very sad this needs to even be said, but our education system also failed us in terms of domestic and social matters: of course you and anyone, cultural or not, would feel awkward at first calling your parents-in-law mom or dad. That means you don’t yet feel close to them. You call someone by their name or title consistently to reach that higher level of familiarity and intimacy, the same way a child might start calling a long-time family friend an aunt or uncle.

When someone asks you to call them by something, this is no longer about you! Our me me me generation has forgotten this simple fact. It’s like you want to be called Jen, but certainly not Jenny, and you’ve made it clear, yet your “friends” still maliciously and spitefully call you poor little Jenny. Rude.

And if your super inflated gen x rebel mememe ego still won’t let you do this, that’s okay to. There used to be an art of dealing with social matters tactfully in a way that saves face, but we’re now taught to “win” at everything at all costs, or throw a fit and cry because why bother playing if you can’t win, instead of reflecting on the meaning of things. Just take a moment to treat them as a human being, and say hey, I’m currently not ready or comfortable calling you mom or dad yet, but I hope we can get there. Instead, may I still call you x and y?

Some people wait until they have children, then just call their in-laws grandpa or grandma. Bit of a cheat, but still a compromise. But the point is, YOU determine how close you can get to someone, and if someone is courageous and vulunerable enough to let you know first (“I would like to be called x now that we are truly family”), then it’s really the decent thing is to make an attempt. This is what it means to have character, and it’s not easy, but then again, no one said it was going to easy to be a decent person in life. But by doing this, you’ll be a parent who walks the walk when it’s time to properly raise your children.

Or you can be a stereotypical modern parent and let your children run wild, and violently argue or attack with anyone who dares to call you out. Why better yourself when it’s easier to shut people up? It is what it is.

Post # 100
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 1984

ftheraldsky :  Your reply is so spot on and would actually cover so many posts on this site.

+1000000000

Post # 102
Member
1620 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

Once we got married my husband called my parents mom and dad and I did the same thing 

Post # 103
Member
230 posts
Helper bee

My husband calls his parents ma and pa. So I call his parents ma and pa and only call my parents and mom and dad. I still refer to them as his parents when him and I are in conversation and my in laws when speaking to other people. 

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