Post # 31
That is a wonderful thing until little Suzy grows up and decides that she really likes to give the presentation but she really doesn’t like doing all the research associated with it. Or she decides that she really likes a paycheck but she doesn’t like to do the work that she is assigned. She really loves the excitement of a wedding but she really just doesn’t like the work it takes to make a marriage successful. I manage people for a living. I am the boss. Period. If I tell you to do a report and you don’t do it. There is no oh I’m sorry you don’t like it maybe you can do this instead. It’s do it. End. I pay you to do a job that I assign to you. No questions asked. I will listen to you and be nice but you will follow directions. Oh I’m sorry that you don’t like being nice to people because you think they are stupid. I pay you to be nice. So do it.
You don’t get a medal for showing up. You earn it. You can not be catered to your entire life and when you are an adult there will not be someone there to hold your hand and tell you that if you don’t like something you don’t have to do it. You are going to lose and fail and suck at things and be a terrible person and maybe take a punch or two over something you think is right or wrong. You might get in trouble that you can’t get out of. You may have to do something that breaks your heart because it’s the right thing to do. It’s part of being an adult. And please, correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure I’m not…the entire parenting process is to prepare your child to become a successful adult in the real world.
Post # 32
“Exposing children to HCP (harsh corporal punishment) may have detrimental effects on trajectories of brain development,” one 2009 study concluded.
Harsh corporal punishment in the study was defined as at least one spanking a month for more than three years, frequently done with objects such as a belt or paddle. Researchers found children who were regularly spanked had less gray matter in certain areas of the prefrontal cortex that have been linked to depression, addiction and other mental health disorders, the study authors say.
The researchers also found “significant correlations” between the amount of gray matter in these brain regions and the children’s performance on an IQ test.
That literally says done with a belt or a paddle. That, In My Humble Opinion, is not spanking, that is beating your child. An open handed swat on the butt over pants is a whole different ballgame than hitting your child with a belt or a paddle one or more times a month for more than 3 years.
Post # 33
Can.I.Be.Mrs.C.: OP specifically said she was spanked with a belt as a child and that she believed she was better for it.
Post # 34
ImaStarr: Researchers found children who were regularly spanked had less gray matter in certain areas of the prefrontal cortex that have been linked to depression, addiction and other mental health disorders, the study authors say”
In my reply to this post I simply stated that although the article does state that spanking a child can create those issues it also states that the spanking that they studied was using a belt or other object to spank the child more than 1 time per month for 3 years. Since my sister in law is a teacher and automatically a manditory reporter I know that when any child is mentioned that they are spanked with an object they are to file a report. If a child says that their parent spanked them with an open hand they are not obligated to file a report if there are no signs of physical injury to the child. I would venture to assume that most of the people who are pro spanking would not agree with using an object such as a belt or a wooden spoon for disipline reasons. I feel as if the article has shock value stating that when a child is spanked they have brain damage, but when you read the article further it basically states that when a child is abused they have serious issues stemming from it. That’s a point that I don’t think anyone will argue.
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Post # 35
- Wedding: November 2013 - Garden
I remember being spanked as a child, sometimes with a hand, sometimes with a wooden spoon. I didn’t learn anything from it, all I remember is terror. My parents were great parents, very loving and I’m sure they were firm rather than inflicting pain. But even then I felt really violated and humiliated by it.
I hope I never spank my kids. If I ever did it would be a knee-jerk reaction and I would be going to a counsellor to make sure it didn’t happen again.
Post # 36
No, I don’t spank. I try not to judge other parents that do though because parenting doesn’t come with a manual and who am I to say I’m doing it right? My belief is that I am raising my child for to be an adult. It is my job to teach him how to make choices, decisions, and to make him a loving and compassionate adult because I won’t always be there. Teaching him that when someone does something wrong you hit them is in no way going to help him become a functioning adult or cope with adult life.
Post # 37
I think grounding and nagging a child is abusive. I don’t even want to make my child feel insecure about their possessions and make them feel like they have no power to make decisions. I would rather have a conversation with them and if they don’t listen spank them. I also believe that its important to negotiate these with the children before. A “when I am serious and you continue to disregard what I say, you will get a spank…do you thinks thats fair if not, what do you think is an appropriate thing to do?”
I am raised in a culture where spanking is normal. I used to get spanked by our teachers. People dont realize that spanking isnt meant to be too harm. Yes, it hurts a bit. Its not a lasting pain. Its like a quick shock to snap you out of something and pay attention- thinkn when you spray water on a cat (Before you say animal abuse: I have never owned a cat, its just hearsay) , or snap a rubberband on yourself to keep yourself from getting too angry.
My parents only smacked me when I was being disrespectful and rude. It was a quick oh shit better pay attention to this cause its serious kinda thing. They ALWAYS talked to me about the issue and how to correct it. They have never misused it and im REALLY glad they smacked me.
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Post # 38
No. No no no no no. I will never ever hit my child. Spank, smack, or anything of that variation. I was hit as a child by the woman who gave birth to me. I don’t even call her my mother anymore, she doesn’t deserve that title, for many reasons. There is one thing that I did learn from her punishments; I never want my child to feel towards me the way I felt towards her.
Post # 39
Spanking your kid is abuse? Lol jeez what is this world coming to??!!
Post # 40
When I have children some day, you best believe I will. I was whacked with things as a child (belt, slippers, etc.) for severe misbehaviors, and I grew up fine. My parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents were all raised this way and all are productive people of society. I’m Mexican, it’s just what we do.
I took a developmental psychology course in college and spanking was a topic we covered. Our professor said spanking really does vary on its effects on children depending on culture. White children who were spanked often had grew up with resentment towards their parents; black children who were spanked had some resentment to their parents but found the spankings later in life to be necessary; hispanic/latino children who were spanked grew up with little resentment because they understood why they were being punished; (no research was done for asian children for some reason). The reasoning for this was the parents’ ability to be able to communicate to the children why they were being spanked. If there is no communication for the punishment–then there is more resentment down the line; if there is communication then the resentment is far less. But like I said, this is just a college course, but it made a lot of sense to me.
Post # 41
I do not have children yet but my husband and I are both in agreement we will spank if necessary. Obviously we would try other forms of discipline first but if it comes down to spanking we will do it. We were both raised in families where spankings occurred and we can only count on maybe one hand each the number of times we were actually spanked. Once we were spanked we knew our parents meant business. It was never with an object or even very hard just a firm, quick swat on the bum more so to get our attention than to harm us.
Post # 42
Can.I.Be.Mrs.C.: I don’t think the child sees it as manipulating the situation, but establishing a compromise and playing to their strengths, also valuable skills in adult life. Spanking teaches children that a person they trust is allowed to invade their personal space and there’s nothing they can do about it. You know what that kind of lesson leads to.
Post # 43
- Wedding: March 2014 - Narrawallee reserve/beach & Mollymook golf club
Being a FTM I’m sticking with “never say never”.
I always said that I would be a spanker because I was spanked. That was until I actually became a mother. At this stage I have strategies I’d ideally implement first (I dig those glitter calm jars so I’m really hoping that one works) with spanking as a last resort. But for now, my son is only 10 months old and doesn’t understand and thankfully is pretty well behaved.
Post # 44
A lot of people on here seem to think that the mothers who spank their children whack them with wooden spoons 6 times a day… there’s a huge difference between an occasional non-painful smack, and the kind of beating that would qualify as abuse.
I think I can count the number of times I was spanked by either of my parents on 1-2 hands, and it was always a situation where I knew perfectly well that what I was doing was very wrong and/or dangerous, and the embarassement (not physical pain) of getting 1 slap was enough to make the point sink in. My parents always explained to me why ‘NO’ meant ‘NO’, they would never spank me in a fit of anger or without explaining the reason behind it. The fact is, sometimes children need to understand that something is seriously wrong or dangerous (for example stealing, or running into the road), and if a verbal explanation is just not sinking in, it might be the only way to get the point across.
I know a mother who’s 5-year-old was never properly disciplined, and one day her child ran into the road (yet again), was hit by a bus and died. I bet the mother wished she had got the point across more strongly :-/
There is really a huge difference between an occasional spanking, and beating your child. The latter I would never do. The former.. maybe, but on very rare occasions if nothing else is working. I mean to respect my children as little people who’s opinions deserve to be heard, but I also want to bring them up as responsible people with boundaries.
Post # 45
jenny1217: you know what I find funny is that there are thousands of kids in countries like China toiling away with their little hands on wedding dresses and other consumables for the west but no one calls child abuse but just continues to hand over the cash.