(Closed) Do you/will you spank your children?

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 46
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I was spanked as a child – either a swat on the backside, or on the back of my hand. I learnt quickly to respect the rules. As some PPs have said, studies will always be able to correlate data to form the argument they want. Researchers are very good at that!

I believe spanking in anger or frustration is 100% wrong. I also believe a spank should be 1 single open palm, not multiple, and certainly not hits or closed fists!

I was only spanked on a very small number of occassions, and it worked for what it was supposed to/didn’t damange me at all.

Just to open up the debate a bit further – does anyone else find it interesting that the general level of manners/thought for others/behaviour has declined in more recent years, when spanking has been made out to be bad & less parents are therefore disciplining their children using this as a method? Just food for thought and a point to discuss.

I also agree that spanking shouldn’t be the only form of discipline by any means, but I don’t see a problem with it so long as it’s used properly and not over the top.

Post # 47
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

 

I am a mother of a beautiful son who will be 3 this December and yes I do spank when I think it is necessary and I don’t think I hate my child or I am abusing him. Spanking seems to work in certain cases in my house and that is the form of punishment I resort to as a very last resort. I give warnings, time out, sitting on a naughty step, etc but there are instances when the issue has to be addressed right there and then without negotiating. I can count the times I have spanked my son and it is only when he is constantly doing things that will inflict more harm than spanking (like touching the stove and running like crazy on the stairs) I have spoken and given timeout for this actions and they never ended until I spanked.My son is too young to understand reason and when you try he just repeats the words you are saying. “son why do you so this” he says the same thing in baby language.

It might not be the best form of disciplining a child but it is working for me and I will never judge anybody doing it or not. My principle is, do what you think is best for you and your child.

Post # 48
Member
980 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

LadyBlackheart:  kids these days are far to disrespectful and i always think “you just need a good slap” I was smacked as a child only when I was being very very naughty and it did me no harm and taught me right from wrong.

There is a couple of girls i know with kids 1 of them smacks her child when he’s naughty i don’t mean a really hard smack like a tap on the hand, he is very well behaved because of it.

The other girls child is horrid he screams and shouts and is constantly naughty and all she says is “now now don’t do that that is naughty” but he just carries on.

I believe in smacking as a last resort and i honestly don’t think a little smack from time to time will do any lastig damage.

 

Post # 49
Member
334 posts
Helper bee

Kellym84:  Don’t want to completely trample on your opinion, but I’m a youth legal advocate. Basically, I am a state defense lawyer for some of the worst kids imaginable and I accompany them to their trials.  Graffiti, theft, assault etc. The background of the kids vary – some are socio-economically deprived, some are vandalising the lockers at their $30,000 a year private schools.

Theres one thing usually on all of their Psych reports – that they’ve come from a background with some element of physical abuse or physical punishment. The kid used to be slapped for misbehaving – when he had a disagreement with someone; he assulted them. The one thing I’ve learnt from my job and the one thing I’ve reflected onto my children is that no matter what children need to be discliplined in a way that is loving and comforting. Whether a paddle, a hand or a slipper – ‘spanking’ a child usually always ends up in some kind of damage. I see it every day. 

We say we need to prepare children for adulthood – teach them the respect that we show to eachother as adults. The best way I’ve found – organised sports! Gymnastics is very effective. 

Post # 50
Member
9027 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Kelly6871:  And I have the exact opposite experience. When counselling a lot of these kids whilst working for the Justice Department I found that the most trouble kids either had parents that did not parent at all (so totally checked out and left them to their own devices) or had parents that just thought their child was misunderstood and was just expressing themselves or worse the parents who will never ever believe that their little diddums could do such a thing.

A lot of these kids also confessed to me (since what they say was confidential- I could only give the court a recommendation on if the child had remorse and/or could be rehabilitated) that they did stuff like this for fun, to annoy their parents and because they could and knew they would get off with little to no punishment. It was scary shit that 8-18 years had such little respect for others.

Post # 51
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Mollie-Rose:  I don’t want to offend, but I’m wondering what being transgender has to do with your decision?

 

Myself, if we are able to have children, it will depend on the child and the behaviour they exhibit. 

Post # 52
Member
334 posts
Helper bee

j_jaye:  I suppose the difference maybe is I deal with kids who are at the very end of the court system. Once I’m your lawyer, these kids are already half into some sort of detention or imprisonment. In my experience, the kids you describe may be vandals or petty theives. Once you are dealing with minors who have viciously assaulted or killed another minor (happens more often than you think) they almost always come from a physical background. These are the worst cases – because you know they will spend the rest of their lives in the court system. 

And people will say the usual ‘Spanking isn’t abuse!’ but where is that line? Its very thin and blurred. Bottom line, you should never resort to physical abuse to get across a point or command respect. If I did that to my husband I’d need legal counsel myself.   

Post # 53
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF

I will never spank my children. Ever. I was never spanked and I genuinely don’t think it’s necessary to raise well-behaved, loving kids. While I don’t judge parents who choose to spank (within reason – I’ve seen some people go really overboard), I don’t believe that violence belongs in my family and I think that smacking a kid, even when “justified”, is inherently violent.

My mother, God bless her, is a woman with a look of death. Growing up, I knew the rules and she never had to tell me twice to do or not do something; I respected her authority because I knew that she meant business. I respect her so much for raising me without ever thinking that she needed to slap me to get the point across. In fact, I think I learned more respect through her decision to discipline me through words than I would if she’d hit me.

Also, for what it’s worth, I’ve been told throughout my life (even as a child) that I’m one of the most polite and well-mannered people that my peers have met. Conversely, I’ve met TOTAL twats whose parents were liberal with a slipper. I don’t think that hitting your kid ensures that you’ll keep him or her from becoming spoiled and self-entitled in adulthood. 

Post # 54
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Kelly6871:  Yeah but what kind of a physical background do these kids come from? The kind where they were afraid of their parents, where there parents hit them without any kind of explanation, often violently, or very frequently…  Or from the kind where the parents loved and respected their kids and gave them a very occasional single smack when they did something extremly wrong or dangerous?

The line is not blurred (in my opinion). There is a very clear difference between abusive parents and kind, loving, patient parents who just really need to get an important point across occasionally, for the child’s own good.

Post # 55
Member
334 posts
Helper bee

amanda3334455:  There is a real mixture. And I would argue that any child under the age of 8 is unable to discertain what a ‘loving, gentle smack’ that they deserve is versus a violent one.  To a child – a smack is a smack. As a PP said, if the spanking has not damaged them in a certain way – it only makes them rebellious. And no, most of my kids aren’t afraid of their parents. That’s why they assault them and attempt to burn houses down. They resent them.  

And remember on the flip side I meet these parents – often professionals. As I tried to express earlier, the WORST assumption you can make is that these kids come from ‘abusive’ or poor households. Some are punished in very ‘normal’ ways. 

Also hitting your child at any point is violent. There is no non-violent way to hit someone.  

Post # 56
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Narrawallee reserve/beach & Mollymook golf club

MrsRs:  This is awkward lol I’m not transgender. FTM = First Time Mum if that’s where the confusion lies? I fully support the LGBTQ community, but I was born a female, I identify as a female, and I still have all the lady bits I was born with.

Post # 57
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Mollie-Rose:  Oops, sorry. FTM means Female to Male in the community, so that’s where I was mistaken!

Post # 58
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Kelly6871:  Well.. I was only ever smacked by my parents between ages 4-8, and I always knew exactly what I’d been smacked for – it was because I knew I wasn’t allowed to do something, and I knew why, and I did it anyway. And it made the point sink in far more than any words ever did..

I love my parents and don’t resent them in any way, I have a great relationship with them.

If the kids you deal with don’t respect their parents, I doubt it’s cos of the occasional smack, it’s obviously a result of bad parenting in general I would say.

Post # 59
Member
334 posts
Helper bee

amanda3334455:  Each to their own. My opinion and position remains that spanking a child can result in damage, it is an outdated, archaic way of ‘teaching respect’ and I believe the need to smack already points to bad parenting. You should never have to raise your hand to your child to prove a point. Watch ‘Supernanny’ or read any parenting book. Constructive, positive encouragement is the way to discpline a child. 

Post # 60
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Kelly6871:  Sorry but if my child is repeatedly running into the road when it’s already been told x times that it’s not allowed to and been explained why it’s dangerous, then at that point ”positive encouragement” is not much help..

I’m not saying that smacking should be the first solution that a parent goes for, I’m saying that sometimes it’s an effective ”last resort” when a child knows perfectly well that it’s not allowed to do something, when it knows perfectly well why it’s not allowed to, and yet it still does.

I’m not currently a parent but when I am, I don’t want to smack my children and I will do my very best as a parent to never smack them. But I don’t think it’s the end of the world if a parent occasionally smacks their child. Lets just agree to disagree 🙂

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