(Closed) Do you/will you spank your children?

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 61
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF

Kelly6871:  This is a great way to put it and I agree 100%.

Post # 62
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Narrawallee reserve/beach & Mollymook golf club

MrsRs:  Haha Oops my bad. I’m just a bit too used to the TTC/pregnancy/parenting forums.

Post # 63
Member
9034 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Kelly6871:  well you would be mistaken there. As a psychologist I saw all kinds of kids at various stages along the judical system. Some were first time offenders for minor crimes, some were repeat offenders and others were there for manslaughter (king hitting causing instant death was one of the more popular crimes) Or the like. My point was that for every kid guilty of an unlawful act that has a history of spanking there is also a kid just as guilty who wasn’t hit or abused.

And my post wasn’t condoning smacking, it was just higlighting that it is a stretch to blanket say that the cause of every single kid that comes across your desk is spanking. Human psychology is usually a little more complex than that.

Post # 64
Member
601 posts
Busy bee

I certainly don’t plan to but I guess it depends on how awful my hypothetical kid is being and how clearly I need to get a point across. I was never spanked. My family didn’t believe that violence was the answer. I grew up to be respectful of my elders and know how to handle a situation with words instead of force. My husband, on the other hand, was not only spanked but beaten as a child. The stories that I’ve heard are very clearly child abuse but he still believes in corporal punishment when needed. We’ll see about that. 

Post # 65
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’m late to this party, but I’ll contribute.

We spank. We’ve had to very few times, but we have. Open hand, on the bum, over the clothes.  We don’t spank hard, just enough to shock back into reality.

My daughter once told me to “fuck off mom”. And yes, she got a slap in the mouth. Today, she is respectful and kind. She still has her bratty moments, but MANY friends and teachers have told me that she is the sweetest kid they know. And she’s even gotten awards at school for being respectful and helpful in school. She’s NEVER told me to fuck off again.

 

Post # 66
Member
334 posts
Helper bee

j_jaye:  And my reply was aimed at another PP, who stated that she saw a correlation between a lack of smacking and bad behaviour. I sit in court every single day with kids – not just behind a desk. Of course I respect your profession, but as a lawyer its a completely different viewpoint – it has to be. These children cease to be children – they are minors. Minors who have committed crimes against the state. Minors, who at the top tier of the court system, nearly all come from homes where there has been documented notation of physical punishment in the home.

I don’t deal with psychology – I deal with fact and legislation.  Then I come home to two children. I know exactly the view I hold for my children. I will agree to disagree with you, but I have probably seen things you wouldn’t believe – things the kids won’t even admit to the psychologists but are very hard to hide in a courtroom. Closed, media blocked courtrooms. 

No matter what – I will repeat what I said before. Spanking is archaic, old fasioned and unecessary. 

Post # 67
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Kelly6871:  Really interesting to see the discussion about this – this is kinda what I was hoping to hear in terms of open debate.

I think a clarification needs to be made between a spank and ‘phyiscal abuse’ as they are a world apart.

i do agree that organised/team sports are great in helping discipline etc – find a kid a sport they love and they often will behave/structure themselves around playing or competiting. Definitely helped to keep me in check when I was told that to get ‘rewards’ of going swimming etc I had to behave.

But, as PPs have said, particularly when it comes to an element of safety e.g. crossing the road, I agree with a smack.

‘I believe the need to smack already points to bad parenting.’ – I completely appreciate that you are allowed your opinion, but I would like to say that I don’t believe my parents (or my friend’s parents, who also used smacking as a form of discipline) are or were ‘bad’ parents. I had the happiest and most productive childhood I could have ever hoped for.

Post # 68
Member
334 posts
Helper bee

Kellym84:  In the eyes of the law, there is no distinction between spanking and physical abuse. If a wife is rude to her husband, and hes already told her 5 or 6 times to be quiet, is it ok for that husband to then strike his wife? What if its open handed, on the bottom? NO. Its not. Why should you be able to do that to your vulnerable, malleable child? 

And it does point to bad parenting. If you have to smack your child to teach them not to run  across the road – where were you? Obviously not holding their hand, obviously not on a close enough watch to prevent them from going across the road in the first place. 

Post # 69
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Kelly6871:  Agree to disagree on some points I think.

Firstly, yes I would always aim to hold my kid’s hand…that was quoting an example a PP put, which gave an idea of when there was an element of danger. It could be something like attempting to stick fingers in a plug socket!

Secondly, careful how many people you insult on here with broad sweeping statements. You have your opinion that it is bad parenting but you should make sure it is your opinion, and not preaching 🙂

Post # 70
Member
334 posts
Helper bee

Kellym84:  Haven’t preached at all. And if people can’t handle discussion they should leave the internet. I’m a mother of two and I’ve spent my entire professional life dealing with children in the worst possible circumstance. I’m going to stand firm on my opinion. 

Post # 71
Member
1845 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I haven’t read all the responses, but I don’t plan to spank.  I don’t understand how we can tell a child not to be violent, and then resort to violence for discipline, even if it’s only once in a while, or when it’s the last resort.  That’s like telling your kids “you should try lots of other options, but if your classmate just isn’t doing what you want him to, go ahead and punch him.  Sometimes it’s the only thing that will work.”

On a moderately unrelated note, I haven’t seen the show “blackish” but based on the ads I’ve seen, I think it’s setting our society back quite a few years… 

Post # 72
Member
2156 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Using the analogy of a husband spanking his wife is totally different… it’s not the husbands job to ”bring up” his wife and vice-versa. It’s a parent’s job to bring up their child.

I honestly don’t think you can possibly say that a child will end up being a criminal if the child is spanked by their parents. I know a very large number of people who were sometimes spanked by their parents, including my husband who used to be smacked with a wooden spoon (something I would never do), and all of these people are kind, responsible adults.

Any violent children that I’ve seen have generally not respected their parents, but that can be for any number of reasons.. including parents who spank their children violently without giving any explanation, parents who emotionally abuse their children, etc etc. I cannot believe that a parent who is kind, sensible, responsible etc in every way, and occasionally gives their children a smack, will automatically bring up criminals… that makes absolutely no sense and there’s no evidence to support that.

Post # 73
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Kelly6871:  sorry, not true. An open handed spank IS perfectly legal. My Fiance owns an establishment where cops frequent. I have flat out asked if spanking is illegal. Its not. As a matter if fact, I’ve been told with the amount of indulged brats they deal with (vandalism, theft, drugs, runaways) they WISH more parents would spank. Maybe our world would have less self entitled little shits that run all over their parents. And no-not all parents are bad that have bad kids.

Post # 74
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

This just in: anecdotes are not factual evidence for anything. “I didn’t turn out terribly and I was spanked!” equates to being about as relevant and useful as monopoly money.

Post # 75
Member
9034 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Kelly6871:  Wow condescending much? I really great way to put your point across there.

I am sure you have seen many horrible things in a closed courtroom, no doubt, but to demean someone elses profession as not having seen enough to have a boat in the race is just wow. Like you would even know what is said in a confidential session with a psychologist. Do you just assume that we are not given police files?

I am really unsure why you keep preaching at me about your view on spanking when not once in this thread have I ever condoned spanking. All I did was point out that it is really irresponsible to be stating opinion as fact. Not every kid with a criminal record was abused let alone spanked. 

What next, will you tell me that all African Americans are criminals because you have happened to meet a few in your line of work?

The facts are that there has been no reputable evidence (a single study is not reputable evidence)  posted in this thread that supports either side of the argument. And that is probably because there currently isn’t any.

 

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