(Closed) Do you/will you spank your children?

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 91
Member
334 posts
Helper bee

amanda3334455:  So a normal parent is just using smacking to humiliate their child instead? Thats just as bad. There have been numberous studies on the impact on self-esteem this can create for a child. 

I’m done with this thread. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I would just like everyone to honestly consider that we raise our children to believe violence is bad and its wrong to hit another person under any circumstances.

Yet, its perfectly okay for us to disclipline  them by hitting them because we are parents. Food for thought. 

Post # 92
Member
2814 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015 - City, State

MrsBagel:  I think that slapping your child on the mouth is downright disgusting. 

How does being disrespectful warrant that kind of reaction?

Oh yeah that’s right, IT DOESN’T.

Post # 93
Member
6372 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

Darling Husband an I raised our children (21 & 24 now) without spanking.  We set rules, instilled values in them, and above all, led by example.  Today, they are both pursuing a college education while holding jobs, are very respectful and educated young adults, which we didn’t have to lay a hand on to teach them how life works.

Post # 94
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I strongly believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion – but either side saying ‘well I’m a mum and I do this so I must be right’ isn’t fair on others’ views.

I think I’m also finished with this thread as I think it’s run its usefulness, and it’s also clear (and rightly so) that there will always be a huge divide between those who believe a spank can be a useful tool for discipline and those who don’t.

There are many kids who have been spanked who turned out great, and some who turned out rotten. Same with not spanking. It’s good to hear though from most parents on here that their kids turned out well, no matter how they chose to discipline them  🙂

Post # 95
Member
1678 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

LadyBlackheart:  so here’s the deal. i was born and raised in the southeast (NC), and still live here. i was spanked occasionally, sent to the yard to choose my own switch, and even popped with a fly swatter from time to time. and you know what? i am FINE. i don’t have aggression issues, i am married to a wonderful man, have a great job, and can’t wait to have children. and those children will understand that their father and i are the bosses…and they don’t get whatever the want all the time…and they certainly will not walk all over us.

but i always do believe to each their own. whatever works. the most important thing is making sure we all know the difference between beating your child out of anger and frustration to the point that you inflict pain, and a quick and light pop on the leg to get their attention and remind them who is in charge when they are misbehaving and making bad choices.

Post # 96
Member
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Kelly6871:  Well just tell me how you would have dealt with a child who climbed onto a roof about 8 times and nearly killed themselves 8 times, after explaining to them many times that the roof was about to cave in and they could fall onto the concrete and die? If they still wouldn’t listen, how would you handle that?

FYI there is a difference between ”embarass” and ”humiliate”.

Post # 97
Member
602 posts
Busy bee

GirlyGirl24:  I disagree. my father slapped me ONE time. he was the most even tempered man and never laid a hand on me before or after that (my mom did the disciplining) but this one time an angry thirteen year old me looked him right in the eye and told him to go fuck himself. He slapped me right then. You can bet I learned my lesson and have never spoken to an adult that way since. Was I mad at the time? yes. but I would have been angry no matter how he disciplined me. Do I love my dad any less or resent him for it? absolutely not. I love him to pieces. Again I believe repeated physical punishment with the intend to harm is not okay but my dad did not intend to harm me. He did it to get my attention because trying to calmly speak to me was not working. I think each child warrants different punishment based on the situation and in that situation I can honestly say I deserved that punishment. I am not judging either side of the argument, everyone has their own parenting styles so I think to generalize parents that have slapped a child as “disgusting” is not a fair statement. If you choose to raise your children without spanking that’s great but don’t put down other parents who choose otherwise.  

Post # 98
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

amanda3334455:  Embarrass is literally synonym of humiliate in the dictionary…

Post # 99
Member
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Anyway, clearly some parents can raise respectful, kind, thoughtful and well-balanced members of society without spanking. And some parents who spanked their children also raise respectful, kind, thoughtful and well-balanced members of society. And vice-versa, some parents who don’t spank their children raise disrespectful brats, and some parents who spank their children also raise disrespectful brats.

So my conclusion from that would be that spanking in itself isn’t an indicator of good or bad parenting. Good or bad parenting has many many more variable factors, and a lot of those factors also depend on the child themselves – some children respond well to some things, other children respond well to other things. I guess the best parents make children feel like they are loved, worthwhile individuals and provide them with support and guidance. My parents definitely did that.. regardless of smacking.

I’m leaving this thread as well.. so best of luck to everyone whatever you do 🙂

Post # 100
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

My contribution to this topic without having read the entire thread:

I don’t think it is the most effective parenting tool as a go to punishment at all. The key is for children to understand what they did wrong, and why it was wrong. IMO It is all about finding things to punish them with that directly relate to what they did wrong. (Don’t eat your dinner => no dessert, for example)

My parents “spanked.” As in, I think my brother got a spank on the bum twice ever. I got one once ever. ANd only when we were very very young. The only reason I know that it happened was because I was told, so no, I am not scared for life.

One of the times for my brother was for physically lashing out at me when I was a a newborn and first came home. He was probably 2 or so. In their words, it was the chosen method because it was a “reset” of sorts as he was loosing his cool in what was becoming a very dangerous situation.

Children that young don’t necessarily respond in a quick/ efficient manner to just words if they cannot fully understand the danger or the situation. I suppose a spank on the bottom puts a quick end to the situation. 

Post # 101
Member
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

SoonToBeMrsT16:  Well.. whatever it’s a synonym of, that smack stopped me from potentionally killing myself on a broken roof.

Post # 102
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I haven’t actually contributed anything useful to this thread (because I have 0 children), but I suppose I should mention that in every child development class I’ve taken as an undergrad in Sociology, Psychology, Neuroscience, and Anthropology, every professor has brought up the negative effects on children as a result of spanking. Especially being prone to aggression and wild tempers, regardless of how “hard” that child is hit.

Post # 103
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

amanda3334455:  Cool for you, your anecdote still isn’t a reflection on the majority.

Post # 104
Member
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

SoonToBeMrsT16:  My youngest brother is the only one of us who was never spanked, and the only one of us who has a wild temper. These *studies* can find any correlation they want to find..

Post # 105
Member
334 posts
Helper bee

amanda3334455:  Well, usually, a responsible parent would have made it physically impossible for a child to approach/be on the roof.. and fixed the roof? Thats what they should have done. Removed the danger. But anyway.

Enjoy the rest of the debate 

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