(Closed) Do you/will you spank your children?

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 121
Member
7098 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think as a society we are raising a generation of spoiled, entitled, brats who have no respect for anyone. Too many parents want to be a friend, or believe that their special snowflake does no wrong. They have no concept of hard work, and want everything for nothing. How dare someone “tell them waht to do”. Doing their work in school? Forget about it. They know without a doubt that their actions have no consequences, and that their teachers do not have a leg to stand on. Try to fail them? Fired. Detention? Suspension? Bad grades? Hello lawsuit. It’s getting seriously out of control.

I was spanked as a kid (belt, switch from a tree, wooden paddle), and I did not grow up with agression issues. I wasn’t afraid of my parents, but I certainly feared the consequence of bad behavior. I was reprimanded by those who weren’t my parents, and I respected ALL adults. If I was out somewhere without my parents and another adult saw me acting poorly or getting into trouble, I was reprimanded for it – and I said “yes ma’am” or “yes sir” and corrected my behavior. There wasn’t a giant scene, my parents weren’t calling up the other adult and chewing them for daring to parent another person’s child. It was expected of me that I listen to adults.

There is a huge difference between spanking and beating. When I was spanked as a kid it was because there had already been multiples chances for me to correct my behavior. Time out is a joke. Going to your room? Ok, because it wasn’t full of my toys? You better believe when I got a spanking it brought my world into focus.

I do not support abuse. And I do not believe in spanking as the first punishment. There are always going to be people who abuse their childing under the guise of “just spanking” – just like there will always be people let their children act like brats under the guise of letting them “express themselves”.  I think a lot of people posting here with kids have small kids, correct me if I’m wrong? While I don’t have kids yet, I do have a sister who is 15. I’ve been a very active and involved part of her life since birth (as I was in high school and still living at home when she was born) and even now I spend at least 2-3 days per week with her. The shit I see is scary. Thankfully my sister was raised as I was, but her peers and their behavior is what really makes me scared for our society. I see so many kids coming from “good” homes who behave the worst – because there is no discipline, no respect. They know that no matter their behavior there will be no consequence.

Post # 122
Member
263 posts
Helper bee

That was such a great episode! I thought the most interesting part was when at the meeting they said, “Yes- we’re ok with spanking in the abstract but NOT YOUR OWN CHILD!”

The irony of it is interesting to think about and discuss- thanks for posting this! 🙂 I love Blackish- it’s much deeper than most sitcoms! 

Post # 123
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

no, we will not be spanking our kids. i was never spanked as a child, and can’t imagine ever doing so to my future children. Darling Husband was maybe spanked once and agrees that he would not want to spank our kids. in both of our experiences, being attentive parents and having other means of discipline are enough. my mom says i never threw a single tantrum as a kid- why? because she gave me tons of attention and treated me pretty close to an equal from a very early age. my family went out to eat often when my brother and i were very young and it was always a great time because they would play quiet games with us to keep us occupied. i see kids who are loud and unruly out in public, and it’s usually because the parents are on their phones, not answering their kids, etc.

lesbeeinlove:  yes to all of this!

Post # 124
Member
1314 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

stardustintheeyes:  in that order. Love everything you said. Especially about fear. As a child, I loved my mother and I knew she loved me, but I was also a bit afraid of her. (If I’m honest I still am. As a 30 something year old women, I will never get sassy or disrespect my mom) She didn’t spank me often, but the fear was always there because I knew she would if I pushed her to it. I know exactly what would drive her to spank territory, and I stopped short. Like your son, I occasionally start smelling myself. Thinking she wouldn’t touch me. Oh, but she quickly reminded me that nothing had changed. Being consistent is key. Of course now, we talk everyday and I realize what a kind wonderful woman she is. I thank her often for not being afraid to be unliked by me. She wore the bad guy badge with honor. 

I will spank my children, and my Darling Husband agrees. I’m not saying this is the answer for everyone, but it didn’t damage us, so it’s the method we are comfortable with. I’m not sure of where all the judgement comes from. Parent the way you deem is best. We are a product of how we were raised, and whether we choose to emulate it or juxtapose it, no one can judge your world view. It is specific to your world experiences. I just grow weary of the mom shaming. We all just want productive members of society when all is said and done. 

 

Post # 125
Member
7872 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I spank my children. Not often, never in anger, and never with an object. One pop on the butt can do wonders. Judge away!

Post # 126
Member
6040 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

 

Bellagiobride:  I would have to agree that even now as a 30 year old woman, I will not cross my mother. While I don’t think she would hit me, that little bit of fear and a big bunch of respect has definitely stuck with me into adulthood. Now that I am a parent myself, I realize why she chose to spank me when she did. My SO is not my son’s father, but he came from a similar home and doesn’t bat an eye and my parenting choices because they are much like what he wants for any future children we may have. He too is 30 years old and still has the same healthy level of fear of his mom. never once in my life have I questioned whether or not I was loved. That’s for sure.

Post # 127
Member
7646 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m not going to say spanking is right or wrong, but I will say there would be far less spoiled, entitled children who would need to be spanked if PARENTS would step it up and, you know, be a parent: love their child, gives hugs and kisses, put them to bed, help them with their homework, give them consequences and not coddle them, and LISTEN to them when their sad, angry, happy, etc.

I thinbk far too often kids see how their parents act in every day situations and mimic them and the parents are too self-absorbed to see that they are the problem.

Post # 128
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

j_jaye:  yes, that is abuse! That is common sense that in china they treat the kids horribly and I do not condone anyone buying there dress from china to save money because it is made by little kids for pennies! Thats not the topic here though, the topic is spanking your kids, not kids making dresses in china!!<br />

Post # 129
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

eeniebeans:  I think that’s a lot different than what some people are describing!

 

Post # 130
Member
2119 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

LadyBlackheart:  i was spanked and i will spank my kids. 100%. i see some of my friends kids, that are not spanked, and they behave so badly!! my BILs girlfriend made a huge deal because our other Brother-In-Law spanked his child. she tried to say she would turn him in and she sat in the car all day. she threw a huge fit and screaming match. (she was never spanked and outraged but watching it for the first time) she cryed all day in the car and didnt speak to the family for weeks. OP said “people say “i was spanked and i came out good”but thats not the norm” ….. seriously then why does everyone say that if its not the norm? all the results of not spanking a child (that i have seen) have led to stuck up spoiled adults like my BILs girlfriend…. i really hope she isnt on the bee since shes “waiting”. not saying spanking is the first thing you should go to. but leaving it out all together is just as extream. but to each their own and if they dont want to spank their kids then dont. just dont chew me out for spanking my own child. 

here the other interesting thing. and ild like to hear some of OPs childhoods. my mom and dad spanked me. and with objects. belts, spoons. and with that said my mom has actually given me a hand made spoon from brazil (she is from brazil where parents are much harsher than here in the states ) that is used for cooking and the spank spoon. she tried to spank me at 16 and i stood up for myself. that was the last time. Darling Husband wants to spank his children also. as a boy living in a rural community (think farm)  i think he was def. spanked and treated harsher than i. i would never treat my children the way i heard his father treated him. his father, like my mother now, is harmless and aging now. We love our parents dearly! but there is definatly different levels of discipline. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by Profile Photo .
Post # 131
Member
2690 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Boy the judgement is pretty heavy in this thread …

All I can say is:

1. I was spanked and I have NEVER hit anyone in my life …

2. Discipline your children how you see best, as long as they aren’t being abused

3. No one method of discipline will worl for every child. Not all children with “get it” from time outs or going in a corner. I am all for being your childs friend but I am more towards being an authority figure that shows your child right and wrong, however you find best…

Post # 132
Member
2580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I haven’t quite made up my mind on if I will or will not.  I do however, roll my eyes a little every time someone says that studies prove that spanking is harmful…if that is true, then how come every single person I know, that was spanked as a child, turned out to be a mature, responsible, and well functioning adult…and the few people I know that were not spanked as children are the struggling members of society….so I take all those “studies” with a grain of salt. 

I agree with those who say there is a BIG difference between a light swat on the butt and flat out beating.  Repeated hitting/beating, I would NEVER do.  But a light spank on the butt?  Possibly. 

Post # 133
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I was spanked as a child as were my brothers and sister. At the time obviously I hated it and remember telling my parents how horrible of a thing it was for them to do and that *I* would never ever do such a thing to my children. Then I gew up and honestly, I thank them for it! It’s not just the spanking, it was their entire style of discipline and they way it constantly evolved to the needs of each kid and their ages. 

When I was little we would get time-outs or have toys taken away. Eventually that didn’t work for me & my brother’s hard ass selfs so it was a stern talking to- hated to disappoint my parents when I was younger so that worked well. Even when my parents spanked us, it was never done in anger- always after they had sat the offender down and explained what was wrong, what they planned to do about it, and what they hoped you would learn. Spankings were always proceeded with “I love you and this hurts me worse than it hurts you”. They were also very rare and only in extreme cases- by the time me & my sister were in our 8’s/9’s we hadn’t had a spanking in years, wereas my brother was generally once a month (trouble maker!)… 

When we got older spankings just didn’t work anymore. I learned my lesson and did not want to do anything to get myself into trouble so I behaved, but my brother is a totally different story. He got into sooo much trouble (God I hope thats not genetic!) and his last spanking he literally laughed at my dad the entire time. That was when the spankings ended and my dad started transitioning to “pick your own punishment”… Usually we were harder on ourselves than he would have been just because we didn’t want to underestimate our punishment and have him add on stuff. Eventually once we were teenagers we figured that out and tried to assign ourselves silly punishments & my dad switched to groudings. Not your traditional groundings, mind you. We had to sit at the kitchen table from the minute we got home from school until we were ready to go to bed. It doesnt matter what you did at that table, but you stayed there until bedtime. It was sooo boring and humilitating and rough that I never had that punishment more than once or twice! 

All this to say, there are many different styles of parenting and disciplining your child, some may work wonders for one child while the next child may laugh in your face… Spanking does not equal child abuse unless done in anger or hate. I firmly believe my parents did it out of love, in fact my father cried each and every time he spanked us. I grew up great, am not violent, well educated, southern white woman, & would never say I was abused (just firmly guided which I needed as a stubborn ass kiddo)…. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by  .
Post # 134
Member
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Yup I will. I got spanked maybe 3 or 4 times growing up and I learned from it. My parents are AMAZING parents, AMAZING. My brother and I have grown into respectful, happy adults with a healthy life and positive future. My niece and nephew have also gotten smacks on the butt and they are amazing kids to take out, polite, respectful and behave. Is it a result of spanking? Who knows but it sure didnt lead to any stupid mental issues.

There is a difference between spanking and abuse. My parents never abused me, they taught me a lesson. If I back talked my mom, I damn well deserve a smack in the mouth or on the ass when my dad got home from work. My formal spankings consisted of maybe 3 good whacks on my bare butt over my dads knee in a CALM situation. Of course when he got home and I knew I was getting one, Id start crying as soon as he came into my room Lol I think its really immature to think that a parent is abusive for smacking their kid on the ass when its well deserved.

 

Post # 135
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think children need to be shown physically that they did something wrong. Children who grow up being selfish and spoiled do not grow up that way because their parents don’t spank. They grow up that way because they don’t get punished. Punishment and spanking can be two different things.

I would never hit a friend for doing something wrong.. why would I hit my child?  

I was never spanked and I have respect for others. In fact, I have so much respect for people that I avoid confrontations at all cost and I would do absolutely anything to make others happy over and above myself.

Everyone is entitled to their own ways of discipline, I won’t judge. But children do not grow up spoiled if they aren’t spanked. That’s absurd.

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