- 8 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
Friday morning and curiosity has finally got the best of me. I need to know how normal/abnormal we are!
Before my Fi and I got together, I was very single for a long time. Over the course of my single phase, I ended up sleeping with a couple of my male friends. Sort of like “well, you wanna do it, I wanna do it, there’s no downside so … let’s do it!” I didn’t feel like it really changed the friendship to have these infrequent ‘jam sessions’, if you will, and so I felt like it was okay for me to still be friends with these people after Fi and I started dating — as long as the physical relationship with them stopped, of course.
But Fi felt differently. In fact, he acted like I was CRAZY for thinking it was okay to still have these people in my life. One of the defining moments of our relationship was when he basically told me “either these people go, or I do.” I had to think long and hard about how I wanted to handle this — how important were these friendships to me? And had the fact that we’d had sex really not changed the friendship? Is that even possible?!??
In the end I decided Fi was right, and I slowly edited out anyone I’d slept with from our circle of friends. The fact is, I had ruined my chance at having a normal, long-term platonic friendship with these people the minute I dropped my pants.
What got me thinking, though, is how strongly Fi felt about this and how he really, truly couldn’t believe I wasn’t on the same page about it (at least at first) because this had been the rule in every relationship he’d ever been in — and it had been the rule for the women, too, so it wasn’t just him. I get the feeling that this viewpoint is in the minority, but I guess I’m curious just HOW MUCH it’s in the minority! Hence, this poll.
And just before any judgy comments start pouring in, this isn’t a jealousy or a trust thing. I think it’s a respect thing. Fi does not want to be forced to interact with people who know me like that. As he so eloquently puts it, “sorry, but that’s f***ed up. I’m not gonna laugh at a joke told by a guy who knows what your vagina feels like. Hell no.”
Anyone else in the “hell no, we won’t go” camp? Anyone not in the same camp as their SO on this one??