(Closed) Do you/your SO think it’s weird/bad to be friends with someone you slept with?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What's the rule on friendships with people you/your SO have slept with?
    Once you've done the nasty, you've disqualified them as a potential friend : (87 votes)
    45 %
    Doesn't matter if you've done the nasty before, as long as you don't do it anymore! : (85 votes)
    44 %
    SO and I disagree -- he thinks the friendships are fine, but I don't : (14 votes)
    7 %
    SO and I disagree -- I think the friendships are fine, but he doesn't : (9 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2607 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I guess it depends on what you mean by being “friends” with… I think it’s fine to have them on your fb friends list, share the occaisonal joke email, maybe the odd group text, but I’m not in favour of solo outings together with anyone my SO’s had a physical history with…whether that was in a realtionship or more of a friends with benefits thing.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2281 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I would be really sad if I had to stick to a rule that anyone I’d been intimate with could no longer be my friend. What if he’s a really good person and a good friend to have?

    Some of my best friends are exes. No way would I lose them for anything. Fiance doesn’t care – he thinks its nice that I don’t just drop someone from my life like that. 

    This is up to you and your Fiance, and you have to do what works for you based on your own relationship. But I would not have responded well to that demand.

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    2214 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Both my SO and I are friends with people we’ve slept with.  In fact, my first boyfriend that I lost my virginity to will be my Man of Honor when my SO and I get married.  We’ve been friends for 12 years (11 of them not dating), and I would never cut him out of my life for anyone.  My SO is still friends with a few of his past girlfriends and one person that he randomly hooked up with, and it doesn’t bother me.  We live in a different state from all of our exes, so we never see them, just talk on the phone and via email.  We both trust each other completely and feel secure with each other having friends of the opposite sex, and as long as there are no bad or lingering feelings, then why not remain friends?  But as with most things for relationships, as long as you and your SO are okay with your arrangement, then it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1543 posts
    Bumble bee

    Well, we’re both still friends with people we’ve slept with in the past, so to us it’s no big deal. Most of his and mine are still in the same circle of friends, so it’d be weird for us to not hang out. I’m cool with his, and he’s cool with mine. Meh.

    Post # 7
    Member
    650 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Nope, we both would be uncomfortable with this. I dont want to hang out with someone I’ve had sex with, I dont want him to hang out with someone he’s had sex with, and neither one of us wants to hang out with someone the other has had sex with!

    What’s with all the “ex” posts lately? Seems like we have been discussing these things a lot lately on here…!

    Post # 8
    Member
    9719 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @PinkFlemingo:  My Fiance and I and have agreed with your Fiance (and now you) since the beginning of our relationship.  😉  You’re not strange at all, IMO. 

    Nobody on the planet is more important to me than he is, so I glady dropped them all like hot rocks.  He didn’t ask me to do that, we both just “got” that’s what would work best for us.  He told me he’d taken it for granted from the beginning of our relationship, exactly like your Fiance told you.

    Edit:  I just remembered one exception – a lawyer friend I used to date, he’s still my occasional friend when I need free legal advice, lol.  But his wife is extremely jealous and despises me so we keep it on the down low.

    Post # 10
    Member
    802 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I’m in the camp that thinks its wildly inappropriate to be friends with an ex. I think it’s crap that you can go from being in an intimate relationship with someone, sharing both your heart and body with them to just kicking it at a football game. Ex’s should always be ex’s. They left your life for whatever reason and I don’t think it’s healthy for your relationship to remain friends with someone who you once told you loved, or had sex with. Both my Darling Husband and I feel this way. Diffrent folks diffrent strokes though, right?

    Post # 12
    Member
    2607 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @PinkFlemingo:  Yes… this is how we operate too.  Nobody freaks out if someone who’s seen us naked shows up at the same party… but we don’t have extensive communication, or spend time alone with Jim Bob either.  🙂

    Post # 15
    Member
    5147 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I voted “Doesn’t matter if you’ve done the nasty before, as long as you don’t do it anymore!”

    I’m originally from a small enough town that if everyone avoided everyone they had ever dated or slept with, nobody would be able to talk to anyone!

     

    I also think it depends on the people involved and the circumstances. Some people make great friends post-romantic-relationship; some don’t.

    Though I also think there should be boundaries. Hanging out alone with an ex is just asking for either trouble or an ackward situation. Hang out in groups. Preferably with each of you having your SO present.

    Post # 16
    Member
    9719 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @PinkFlemingo:  Haha!  It wasn’t hard for me, either, once I met him.

    The hard part was convincing these guys I was really seriously involved and couldn’t go out or hook up with them any more.  I still, to this day, get the occasional text, “Hey baby, you still in a relationship?” or “Can’t we please just see each other one more time?”  Of course I IGNORE.

    The topic ‘Do you/your SO think it’s weird/bad to be friends with someone you slept with?’ is closed to new replies.

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