(Closed) DOC dilemma/vent (long)

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Oh fizicsgirl!  I’m so sorry planning is so stressful.  I think our parents are the last of the generations where their parents probably planned almost everything wedding-related.  (My Future Mother-In-Law said that she helped pick the dress, but otherwise she just showed up on the morning of the wedding — her mom did everything!)  If their generational/cultural expectation is that they get to pick and dictate everything, I think it’s hard for parents to accept that modern couples expect to have a significant say in what happens on their wedding day.

So yeah, I think your mom is more focused on what she wants than what you want, but it’s not because she doesn’t love you and value your opinion — she just thinks of this as her party to plan.  Which has to be an annoying attitude to deal with, especially with something like the DOC where you’re trying to do something nice for your mom so she can relax!

Have any of your family friends used a DOC that they liked?  Maybe if your DOC comes with glowing recommendations from people you know, and if your mom can talk to other parents who say "our DOC helped so much, we were so happy she was there," she’ll stop focusing on your sister’s bad experience and realize what a DOC can do for her.

Otherwise, I would go ahead and hire a DOC anyway, but warn her that your mom is a) a bit disorganized, and b) biased against DOCs because of what happened at your sister’s wedding, and let her know that she probably shouldn’t approach your mom with any questions.  I’m sure a good DOC will be able to work around your mom!

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