(Closed) Doctor saying we have two options increase risk of miscarriage or risk deformity

posted 9 years ago in TTC
Post # 32
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@FortiesFlare:  That’s the point.  Another poster said that your suggesting adoption was recommending that OP take “the easy way out:”

Quoting fluffernutter38:

@bebero:  Why do you say this? Parents have a ~4% chance of passing on epilepsy, and with a mother with so few seizures (and someone who has observed seizures), I don’t see what the problem is, especially if her doctor supports it. You seem to just want to take the easy way out.

Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/doctor-saying-we-have-two-options-increase-risk-of-miscarriage-or-risk-deformity#postform#ixzz2Pb3aledz

OP, talk to your neurologist.  Some meds are a little safer than others, and if you can be tapered down to the lowest possible dose that will effectively control your seizures, you’ll reduce your risk to your fetus, if you choose to carry a biological child.  

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@fluffernutter38:  There’s nothing about adoption that’s easy.  You open your home to social workers who have to certify you as fit to have a child.  No couple who’s having a biological child has to do that.  


You sign up with multiple agencies with whom you’ll partner to bring home a child.  You create a profile that proves to a birth mother (and possibly her partner) why you’re the best couple to raise her child.  You hope and pray for a long time that someone selects you.  If you’re lucky, your first match is the right one.  If not, your match falls through, and you’re left picking up the pieces.  The baby that you thought was yours, the baby that you thought you’d bring home is not meant to be.  You return to the waiting game.  Sometimes, it takes years.  After each year passes, you recertify as an appropriate adoptive family, costing more money to have another homestudy completed.  You pay thousands of dollars for the privilege of even bringing that baby through your front door, not to mention the money that you’ll spend to raise the child for 18-21 years.  


And that’s just for domestic adoption.  If you want to adopt internationally, you jump through the hoops required by foreign governments.  You travel outside of the country and live out of a suitcase in a hotel for weeks.  You visit your child in an orphanage, bonding with him there, waiting to be able to bring him home to create a family.  You wonder what kinds of delays have already been created by living in a situation in which he’s never held.  Are there speech delays from never being spoken to?  Are there gross motor delays from being in a crib all day and never being allowed to explore his environment?  Will he eat solid food, even though he’s still totally bottle fed well past the age where he should be trying purees?  Does he have attachment issues from never being held and loved?  And that’s to say nothing of what happens if you’re already halfway through an adoption process and the country from which you’re adopting shuts down the adoption of its children to foreign citizens, like Russia recently did.


There’s NO way that adoption can ever be considered easier than giving birth.  

Post # 33
938 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Hey, I saw this post a few days ago, at that moment I didn’t have advice to give. I really don’t have much advice to give except that I asked my pharmacology teacher when we covered the topic recently and he said that the safest antiepileptic drug during pregnancy is phenobarbital, I just read over it again in another book. Maybe ask the neurologist about it in case he recommends that going off the meds for pregnancy is a bad idea. Huge hugs

Post # 34
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@FortiesFlare:  Um, what?? Go back and read my post again. I was disagreeing with somebody who said that adoption is “the easy way out.” Maybe you replied to the wrong person.


bebero said “If I were you, I’d definitely look into adoption.”

fluffernutter38 said: “ @bebero:  Why do you say this? Parents have a ~4% chance of passing on epilepsy, and with a mother with so few seizures (and someone who has observed seizures), I don’t see what the problem is, especially if her doctor supports it. You seem to just want to take the easy way out.

Then I said: “ @fluffernutter38:  Since when is adoption the easy way out?”

Post # 36
6593 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@kris325:  You could have the surrogate in Florida and sign all of the forms in Florida where it is recognized.  Then the child would have a birth certificate showing you as the mother and SC would have to recognize it because they would have no reason to know of the surrogacy once the birth certificate is issued by Florida.

On a side note, this is an extremely interesting way of shopping states for conforming laws.  In California, a child only needs two parents regardless of sex on the birth certificate.  So a child born in Cali could have two moms or two dads.  I don’t think there are state laws in most other states that say that it would invalidate the birth certificate; in fact, I believe they have to accept birth certificates as issued by the other states through federal law.

Post # 37
3910 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@kris325:  I unfortunately have zero experience on this issue/topic, but just wanted to wish the best with whatever you decided to do *hugs*

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@fluffernutter38:  can i just tell you – you are such an angel for being there for your Fiance…what you do for him everyday is “true” love for someone 🙂

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@wifey2be:  sorry about your friend ;((

Post # 38
1033 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@kris325: I have epilepsy and I just had my healthy baby 1 month ago and I took my meds the whole pregnancy. I’m breastfeeding and still taking my meds. I take trileptal. 450 in the morning, 600 at night. I also take extra folic acid. When I first got pregnant, I was taking 300 both morning and night, but as my pregnancy progressed, I had to increase the amount to keep the seizures under control. Trileptal is in class C bc very few and small studies have been done. Throughout the pregnancy, I had my medication levels checked every month to make sure they were within the normal range. The only thing that happened bc of the meds (we think) is my son had normal-low blood sugar when he was born, but we got it to normal within a day bc he was such a great eater. I will start weening him from breastfeeding to formula aroun 3-4 months bc 50% of my medicine is passed along in my milk. I’ve had many conversations with my neurologist about being pregnant and breastfeeding while taking these meds and he was really reassuring. He’s had many patients who have been pregnant and breastfed their babies, so I’m comfortable that he knows what he’s talking about.


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