Post # 1
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
I have not been engaged long, but my younger sister is already talking about being the maid of honor in my wedding.
My sister and I are not close mainly because we are very different people with different interests. I plan on her being a bridesmaid, but as for Maid/Matron of Honor I don’t plan on her filling that role. I have a guilty conscience saying that, but those are my feelings.
Our family is big on the mantra “family is forever.” My grandmother recently hinted to me that having my sister be the Maid/Matron of Honor would be a treasured experience as it was when she had her own sister as Maid/Matron of Honor at her wedding. My mom didn’t have a sister, so her cousin stepped in as Maid/Matron of Honor. My dad had the oldest of his younger brothers as his best man. I’m afraid that the expectation to have my sister as Maid/Matron of Honor is inevitable and if I don’t there will be hurt feelings all around.
It’s not official yet but I planning to ask three of my closest friends, fiance’s sister, and my own sister as bridesmaids. Ideally if I knew it wouldn’t upset anyone I would choose my best friend. Seeing as I know it will upset a lot of people I’ve considered not having a Maid/Matron of Honor at all and making everyone equal. I’m leaning towards this option as a compromise, but I have a lot of time to think about it.
I’m not sure if I should try and settle this early on or not. The other night I overheard my mom and sister talking about Maid/Matron of Honor duties and my sister has already been looking up hairstyles and talking about having a different color dress apart from the other bridesmaids because she plans on being Maid/Matron of Honor. I feel like she is already overstepping boudaries for something that is not happening for another two years.
How should I handle this situation and try to express my wishes to my family and my sister?
Post # 3
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
Do you have somone who hands down you feel should be standing next to you and putting up with everything a Maid/Matron of Honor does, or are you undecided with that? I think that if you don’t have someone who you feel deserves the title more than anything and should be then either have your sister or not have titles and have everyone equal. My cousin did the same thing everyone was equal. Is your Fiance going to have a bestman? If he has one you may have to have a Maid/Matron of Honor cause if not who is going to be paird with the Bestman? That person might assume thats the role they have. Sooo many different things to think about. Good Luck lady
Post # 4
Member
2453 posts
Buzzing bee
Out of curiousity, have you thought of having two MOHs- your best friend and your sister?
I’m also of the mind-set that “family is first” normally, so I’ll probably have my sister as the “real” Maid/Matron of Honor, but my best friend- sister without the genetics- is my second Maid/Matron of Honor, so to speak.
Post # 5
Member
9048 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
I don’t think you HAVE to, but I think if you don’t have a reason why she SHOULDN’T be maid of honour or there’s no other clear cut “winner” out of the group, “she’s my sister” is an easy tie breaker.
I had my sister as Maid/Matron of Honor, two best friends and my SIL. One of my best friends is sometimes a little sensitive and overly interested in establishing who’s my BEST best friend between them (like when we got engaged asked if I called the other one first, and even though she was a bridesmaid, standing second to the Maid/Matron of Honor, closer to me in the ceremony was a big deal to her – a little annoying sure, but other friend and I know she’s just a little insecure sometimes, and we love her anyway). So right there, the easiest thing to do, even though my sister lived in Australia at the time was to pull the blood relations card.
Post # 6
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
@Frizzette080211:
This is the main thing I’m worried about. My sister is only 18 and does not handle stressful situations well. I know at some point she will not want to help with Maid/Matron of Honor duties and ultimately get frustrated. She would still expect to show up the day of and assume the title. My best friend is older and more mature for the title and I feel would be the better fit. I would say she would be the hands-down pick if I weren’t afraid my family would be upset. It’s the only thing holding me back. The no Maid/Matron of Honor decision would be a compromise on my part.
Fiance will definitely have a best man. I’m not sure who that will be yet. He only has a sister, who will probably be a bridesmaid, and two male cousins. His best friend will probably be in the wedding party as well. I don’t think he has thought to far into his side of the wedding party yet, so who the best man is, is up in the air as of now.
Post # 7
Member
4997 posts
Honey bee
Yes, have her do it. My sister is 18 and has done zero planning but that’s not really what it’s about. I have other bridesmaids and my mom and myself for planning so as long as she’s emotionally supportive that’s enough for me. It was really important to her and it has already brought us closer. I think as long as you have your expectations right, it should be a great experience. When I asked the girls, I told my BFF I was having my sister as my Maid/Matron of Honor but she is my best friend and I hoped she would be willing to help my sister if necessary (just answering questions and stuff, not planning a shower or anything)
Post # 8
Member
4997 posts
Honey bee
Or better yet, have two MOH’s…
Post # 10
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
I agree with everyone who says have 2 MOHs. I couldn’t stand the thought of having to choose between my sister and my best friend, so I picked both 🙂
Post # 11
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
For those of you with 2 Maid/Matron of Honor, how did they split the traditional Maid/Matron of Honor duties (walking in before you, holding bouquet, toast, etc)?
Post # 12
Hostess
7547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Your sister doesn’t HAVE to be your Maid/Matron of Honor but if there’s no big reason why not I would have her. And by big reason I mean there’s something seriously wrong with your relationship, not that she may feel stressed when she’s planning. I would have two MOHs in your situation.
I had two (sister and SIL) and there were no problems. They planned the bachelorette party together. They both helped me with a few planning tasts. Sister stood closer to me at the ceremony, followed by SIL.
Post # 13
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
I’m not sure if I like the idea of two MOHs. I’d much rather no one be Maid/Matron of Honor if I can’t choose between two.
Another reason is that my sister has not been supportive throughout my life. Not once do I ever remember going to her for comfort or help of any kind. My best friend has filled that role. My idea of a Maid/Matron of Honor is that she is the bride’s best friend and a major support system. My sister does not fit that criteria at all.
In addition I feel like my sister is envious of my engagement. She has been planning her wedding since she was a little girl and now that her big sister is going through her dream, it’s hurting her feelings. I feel she is already overstepping boudaries by assuming she is Maid/Matron of Honor. She’s upsetting me by already looking at bridesmaids dresses and wanting a different dress from the rest of the girls so she can stand out. I don’t plan on being a control freak about dresses, but I haven’t even started seaching for my own yet. I don’t think it’s approriate for her to do this, and I feel like she’s trying to make things about her like she sometimes tends to do.
I’m very lost right now to say the least.
Post # 14
Member
4948 posts
Honey bee
If you have a lot of really good friends, choosing your sister is an easy cop-out because no one can get angry at that.
But she doesn’t have to be, especially if you have a clear-cut “best friend”.
Post # 15
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
Thank you for all the advice by the way ladies. I’m trying to handle this in a mature way that will make myself and everyone at least able to compromise. The last thing I want is a rift between my family.
Post # 16
Member
33 posts
Newbee
I’m on the same situation as well! My sister is getting married before me and she ismaking me Maid/Matron of Honor and I decided on making my bestfriend my Maid/Matron of Honor only because my sister and I are so different. We love each other but we share different interest and she is shy and I don’t know is she would be a good Maid/Matron of Honor. I didn’t knew 2 Maid/Matron of Honor was acceptable…How does that work? Maybe I’ll change my mind and have 2 instead of 1!
