(Closed) Does all family mean all family?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

It’s completely up to the bride and groom who they want to invite to their wedding, although it’s generally considered rude if you’re not "fair" when drawing the line. If all first cousins are invited except for one, it comes across as unfair/rude. I could understand if Fiance and the cousin weren’t on speaking terms because of some unforgiveable offense, but your wedding doesn’t seem like the time to make a statement about FI’s disapproval of the cousin’s lifestyle.

Post # 4
596 posts
Busy bee

How do your Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law feel about the exclusion of this one cousin and the potential rift it could cause?  Maybe they can talk to him about it and come to an agreement?

Post # 5
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I wouldn’t be comfortable excluding a cousin because he’s "just" a mooch.  Like loveatfirstsightlover said, if it was an unforgivable offence that’s difference but I don’t think a wedding is the time to make a statement like that.  Especially since I think you’re probably right, as unfair as it might be, there could be some resentment directed at you if the cousin was not invited. 

That said, it is up to the bride and groom who to invite (assuming you guys are paying for the wedding). 

Good luck!

Post # 7
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I wouldn’t go against your FIs back and send the invite.  I think you should just let him have his way on this.  If it causes problems in the family- direct them to your Fiance.

That said- I agree that it’s not a big deal and would probably be more grown-up and easier to just invite him!

Post # 8
40 posts
  • Wedding: October 2009

Obviously your FI’s cousin is a very sore point with him. Do you think there might be anouther reason he is so adamently against him coming?

I definantly do not think that you should send the invitation behind his back.  I really think that will make things worse.  This is his wedding too and while I know that you don’t want to enter a family on bad terms, I think you need to respect your FI’s feelings and if he doesn’t want his cousin at the wedding then he shouldn’t be invited.  

 My Fiance has a similar cousin, but he is not coming to the wedding because he would have to travel.  Good luck! 

Post # 9
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Have you talked to him about it in terms of how you want this to be an opportunity to bring your families together, and this is just causing a rift.  I know in my circle this would one way or another end up being reflected on me (i.e. I should have shown him what was reasonable etc).  Dont’ know if that’s the case for you, but can you discuss it in that way?  Acknowledge that you understand his objections, but it’s really jeapordizing your relationship with his family and that’s not something you want…and probably not something he wants either.

And can you have your Future Mother-In-Law or his aunt talk to the cousin so he doesn’t do whatever behaviors irritate your Fiance (or is it really just the way he lives?).

Post # 10
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

It’s up to both of you.  If your Fiance gets his way just make sure he knows that he’s got to handle the issues within his family.  Honestly if this has been THAT big of a deal within the family (where the aunt is threatening not to come and all these others think he should be invited blah blah) it seems impossible to me that the cousin in question doesn’t know what is going on already  So your Fiance would just be beating a dead horse by not inviting him; the cousin probably is aware of your FI’s disapproval by now.  Maybe he wouldn’t come even if he DID get an invite.

Post # 12
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Well it would be tacky to send the invite now! He already held it, and it would arrive late, which is in poor taste if you plan to invite him. I wouldn’t send it at all.

Post # 13
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

Actually, now that he held the invite, his cousin might be offended and decide not to come anyway! Then it would be a win-win situation for you guys! Good to hear though that you guys are starting off on the right foot by supporting whatever decisions you each make

Post # 14
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@mshymanroth – I don’t think it would be "tacky" to send the invite now. Many people have B list guests that they send invitations to after they start receiving "no" RSVPs.  While the it is not ideal, you do what you have to.  

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