(Closed) Does all the wedding stuff make anyone else uncomfortable?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I feel badly sometimes too.

Don’t sweat it though, it’s your special time and people WANT to do things for you πŸ™‚

Post # 5
Member
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Yes I do too. But they are all big girls/boys – you have to trust that if they don’t want to spend the money or they can’t spend the money they would let you know.

I think the best we can do is consistently show everyone how grateful we are — and not spend our time feeling guilty. They wouldn’t want that.

Post # 6
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I felt badly at first too but then I realized that people wouldnt do those things if they didnt want to and/or werent happy for us so I made peace with it. They just want you to be happy and that is awesome!

Post # 7
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Your feelings are very understandable especially if you are used to taking care of and paying for things yourself. If your family is happy and willing to do these things for you then just enjoy it! It will be you and the husband the day after and you won’t have the family there chipping in πŸ™‚

Post # 8
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

I think people are pretty good at putting in what they’re comfortable with (unless there’s someone on the other side pressuring them) so try not to feel too bad.  People can always decline shower invites so if they RSVP’d yes, they want to be there and get you a gift to help you start you and your soon to be hubs new life together.  That being said I did feel guilty.  My sisters and friends threw me a wonderful bachelorette party and at one point during dinner I gave the waitress my credit card and said put X amount on there and then bring the bill.  They all figured out what went on and put up a tiny fit, but not that much and it helped me to feel less guilty. 

And a little guilt is good, it will make you more thankful, which I think people appreciate seeing real thankfulness when they’re putting in hardwork and $$.

Post # 9
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Dude, I totally have a gift/generousity complex.  I love doing everything for everyone, but feel weird when people do it for me. 

Just remind yourself that your friends and family wouldn’t be doing all this if they didn’t love you and your Fiance, and want to be there for both of you.  And promise yourself that you’ll do whatever you can when it’s their turn, or at least be really nice in your thank-yous (and get them out in a reasonable time).  That’s what I did, and I feel so much better about it all.  Make it a point to say hi and thank everyone at your wedding, and make them all feel like they’re welcomed and desired at your big shindig.  We shot for that, and everyone is telling us a month later how much they loved that they could be there.

Post # 10
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I get it.

But I remind myself about my Darling Husband or envision my future children and how happy I would be to spend money on them. It’s not about the money for them; it’s about giving you something that makes you happy. Because they like it when you’re happy πŸ™‚

Post # 11
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I just had this conversation with my dad last night, he started asking me what we wanted for christmas and I told him we are getting too much from everyone already and we didn’t need anything. I feel spoiled! And honestly with how much we’ve cut back for budgeting getting random extra stuff seems like overkill, we’re all spending thousands this year so why don’t we just spend some time together? He laughed and said I’m ridiculous and that I better come up with some lists -_-

Post # 13
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I feel that way about planning a destination wedding. I really wanted to be able to give my guest more which is why i picked the location (instead of LA or NYC which were our other options) but now I feel like I was just really deferring a lot of the cost to them…

It costs only about $250-$300 to fly to CR from NYC but between $400-$600 to fly form anywhere else. My family alone is paying $2000 (my parents/sisters/niece/nephew)

It’s hard not to feel guilty the problem is that its making it hard for me to make any decisions… should I plan events everyday for the guests (yes: becasue they flew all that way No: because its their vacation I shouldn’t take up all their time) you get the point.. sigh

Post # 14
Member
5761 posts
Bee Keeper

It’s kind of like you’re having your ‘AHA’ moment, huh? That’s part of why so many people get upset when there are a lot of big events in a short period of time, but you never really get it until you’re elbow deep in it. Weddings are expensive for everybody involved, guests included. It’s never just the wedding…there’s everything else that comes along with it. Most brides seem to have tunnel vision when planning, but have a far greater appreciation once it’s all over. πŸ™‚

Enjoy yourself and know that everyone’s coming together for you…and they wouldn’t if they didn’t care.

Post # 16
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I had a hard time dealing with all the gifts and gestures of everyone as well.  We were totally overwhelmed with the gifts people gave us.  I definitely felt like we didn’t deserve it and I tried to downplay everything.  I have a hard time being in the center of attention.  I still can’t believe everyone could be so generous. 

All I can say is that it’ll pass quickly.  Make sure to write lots of handwritten thank you notes and make sure to pay people back as best you can for holidays and their weddings/events.  Even if its just sending a photo once you’ve got your photos is nice – something of the couple of of you and them.  It’s a nice gesture that they will like.

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