(Closed) does any body else face the ‘Too Young’ stigma

posted 6 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Canal St Inn

I’m 23, and I’m surprised that I haven’t been treated like I’m too young to get married, especially since my Fiance is about a decade older than me. The worst I got was a David’s Bridal assistant who kept wandering off leaving me with my Maid/Matron of Honor and friend because she thought I was too demanding. Otherwise I’ve just gotten a few vendors with attitude, more about my budget than anything else.

I’m really sorry that your going through this. As a consumer, if it were me, I’d say play the bride card. This is supposed to be your day, and you are paying them for their help. If they’re going to discriminate against you in such a way because of your age, then stand your ground, take your business elsewhere, and leave a polite critical review wherever you can, like Facebook, Yelp, AngiesList, etc. They wouldn’t talk to a bride who is 30 like that, they shouldn’t talk to you like that.

ETA: The average American engagement is 14-16 months. Mine is about a year away and I’m still working out a reception site. I think syou’re timing is fine, and they may be trying to talk you out of getting married. The only one who can know for sure are you and your Fiance.

Post # 4
Member
641 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Please don’t feel alone, or let others, who didn’t find themselves ready or mature enough to marry at your age, talk down to you. What is right for one, is not right for all. You can only live the way you know is best for you. I say this from experience. My fiance and I have been together since we were 15 (freshman in high school). From the beginning, we were just way ahead of our years. As funny as it may sound, by the age of 17, we had talked quite a bit about our futures individually and collaboratively, and just knew that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We even spoke to our parents about getting engaged, and started looking at rings. We were both laughed at many times by jewelers, but the fact is, they were the joke. A year later, at the age of 18, we graduated high school, and moved to a new state, into a home of our own, to attend college. Less than a year later, on February 20, 2009, my fiance proposed. We were both 19, and ready to be married, in my honest opinion. We tried planning our wedding twice, but had to postpone plans each time, because our families were having financial difficulties. So, here we are, both 22, and finally getting ready to take the leap that has been over seven years in the making. By the time we get married, my fiance will be 23 (for a week), and I will be a week away from 23 (October 5th is FI’s birthday, our wedding is on the 12th, and my birthday is the 19th). In reality, we would’ve loved to have been married for a few years already, and sometimes it saddens us that we have had to wait so long, but neither here nor there, our love has grown, just as we have together and on our own. And, knowing that our hearts were right even at a young age, has given me the strength to overcome the negativity of others , past, present, and surely in the future.

 

My advice is to do what is right for you and your fiance. Love has no age, and should not be confined to one that is deemed “reasonable” by society. The fact of the matter is that marriage is something that must be worked-at mutually, no matter how old or “wise” one is. It takes two very committed individuals to make it a success, and can fail whether you are 20, 30, 40, etc. if that commitment isn’t there. Nothing in life is guaranteed. We must all rise above the negativity when it is so undoubtedly misguided. Likewise, we must have the ability to accept our mistakes, and admit when we are wrong, and others are right.

 

I hope you do not become too discouraged by the nay-sayers, and I wish you all the best!

Post # 5
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m 20 as well, and yes, I had people refuse to take me seriously. You just have to be persistent and find vendors that are kind and professional. It can be hard but don’t let them put a damper on your special day! 

Post # 6
Member
6 posts
Newbee

My SO and I are both 21, have been best friends since we were 13, and have been together for almost 4 years. We are both still in college which is the only thing holding us back from getting married, and getting engaged. We won’t be able to realistically afford a wedding for at least 3 more years. We are talking about getting engaged soon because his family lives on the opposite side of the country and we want plenty of time to plan in hopes that they will make travel arrangements to attend our wedding.

Because of our age, a lot of people in my family do not even take our relationship seriously. My oldest sister really gets to me because she always tells me that I should date other people before getting serious, but why would I want to do that if I am completely happy with the way things are now? My other older sister has been dating someone for less than a year and people are always talking to her about marriage (they also fight all the time) and I feel like everyone thinks my relationship is just “young love”. We have not gone to any jewelry stores together or anything (he wants to buy the ring all by himself) so I havent experienced the views of any professionals but i can only imagine…i havent even gone into one of the jewelry stores in the mall by myself yet to find out my ring size because i feel like they are gonna treat me differently because of my age, even though its to their benefit to get all the business possible whether the relationship works out or not

 

I guess it is just annoying to constantly be “dismissed” just because of our age. Whenever I even bring up the topic to my parents of getting engaged they always just say “just worry about school now” and that is pretty much the end of the conversation

Post # 7
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I admire girls who get married at such a tender age! It must be true-love after all. And 20 isn’t too young, maybe you are just blessed with a young beauty and they all think you are 16! ๐Ÿ™‚ don’t let them bother you at all. people can be so nasty blehh to them!!

Post # 8
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m 20 as well. My fiancé is 24. Everyone judges us. Our close friends and family are understanding.

 

We have been together for about three years and we are both in college. I’m planing on getting my masters after my bachelors degree. Every time I tell a professor or student I get judged… They insist we will get divorced and I should focus on being wild and out of control.

I found the person that I want to spend every moment of my life with. I love that we met at such a young age. It gives us more time to grow with each other. 

Good luck to you both!!

 

 

Post # 9
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I always have to ask my self, when someone says something to me “Does this person really matter to me?”  if the answer is no it helps me feel much better.

Post # 10
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@soonergirl518:  I agree. I also find that a story about how they wish they would have waited is also involved. Like saying if they made a mistake, I must be making one as well. Ick.

Post # 11
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Steph18:  I can’t believe somebody told you outright that a baby was the only reason to wed at your age! I had a similar experience, but it wasn’t so blatant. People are unbelievable sometimes. I hope you didn’t give him the benefit of your business. 

Anyway, Fiance and I are 23 and were engaged at 20. People used to give us the “too young” line all the time. Most of the people who did that were strangers or coworkers who did not know us very well. By the time we’re married we’ll have been together almost 7 years. We know we want to marry each other and stay married for the long haul. We’ve been fortunate enough to grow together through our college years rather than drift apart. It’s not always easy, but what relationship is? Don’t let the naysayers bother you. If it’s close family who are saying anything they would be the only ones to pay any heed to. In that case just listen to what they have to say and calmly discuss whatever bothers them about their age. Sometimes family can see things that you may not. On the flip side, family may just be overly wrapped up in being protective.

Sorry for that guy with the baby comment…. When I went to get my ring inspected once I made a comment about getting my ring resized (because I had lost some weight). The guy inspecting it decided to say something about how it’s better to get that done early in the pregnancy…. My Fiance says the look on my face was priceless. My expression was so livid that the poor guy actually cringed a bit. : ( 

Post # 12
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Fiance and I are 20. When we got out of the car to meet our photographer for engagement pictures she said “um, how old are you guys?” :/

It’s also kind of awkward because our engagement will be about 5 months. I’ve only had one family member ask me if I was pregnant. I’m not, we just don’t want to wait any longer to live together. Plus it’s funny when people ask “why so short of an engagement?” “So Fiance can’t change his mind!” 

Don’t let stuff get to you. 18 months is a LONG time to plan a wedding. You’ll be fine, I promise!

Post # 13
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Alright…..first time I’m stating this on these boards. I’m 19! I’m celebrating my 20th on my honeymoon, coincidentally haha. My Fiance is 25. He has a very steady well paying full-time job with plans to progress in his career and I’m going to be in nursing school these next two years. I’m paying my way. I’ve basically been independent from my parents for the past two years (since I began college) and I have faced judgement from very few people, thank the Lord. But those who have, have been girls that are my age and are out partying three nights a week and make no steady income and don’t focus in school. On top of that, they don’t want a real relationship yet, and hey, whatever floats your boat, you know? Just let me float mine ๐Ÿ™‚

I was always told I was more mature than the majority of the girls my age, and it took me meeting my Fiance to realize how true this was. We grew up in the same church, but parted fairly young, so to be reunited was amazing! He fit right into my life, and I in his, and marriage was just a logical and practical thing for us! 

I always love taking a peek at these 20 something boards.. though this is the first time I’ve ever commented ah! Just keep your head up and remind yourself that you have the support of the only person in the world you will ever need and will soon promise that to! 

Post # 14
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I am 21 and I certainly don’t think you guys are too young at all. I have gotten remarks from wedding places about my age but I have crossed them off my list I honestly think it is wonderful that you guys are getting married young! People can be so shallow especially when they aren’t married or happy themselves. Just think 20 years ago people 20-22 was old to be getting married.

I will be 22 when I am married and I don’t think it has anything to do with age because if it feels right you just know.

I am planning my wedding in for nest may so that will be just over a year I think it is totally do-able I plan for everything to be planned and payed for 5 months before so that i have some time if I forget anything.

You guys sound perfect for each other so don’t let anyone get you down when you are going through something so wonderful together. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 15
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I am 25, he is 36. My father is really the only one who has told me that I’m “rushing”, I’m going to ruin my career, etc. Whatever. Everyone else is over the moon thrilled for us, and thinks we are perfect together. We’ve been together for almost 2.5 years. Tune out the negative, no matter who it comes from, and focus on the reason why you want to get married in the first place! I’ve chosen my life, I’ve found who I want to spend the rest of my life with, now I want to get started!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 16
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

I just don’t tell people my age.  Most assume I’m older than I am, so I just don’t correct them– I’m 23, and I’ve had people assume I’m in my early/mid 30’s on multiple occasions.  

When it comes to professional vendors, I don’t see how it’s any of their business how old you are, who is financing, or any other aspect of your relationship/ life.  If they are signing a contract with you, that’s all that should matter.  

As for the baby comment– that’s just rude no matter what your age, and you should say as much. Maybe it’s just me, but that’s the kind of thing I would include in a review on Yelp of the vendor.  There is absolutely NO scenario where that is appropriate; pregnant or not! 

And I think 18 months is plenty of time to plan a wedding– we planned ours in about 13, and I feel like I’ve had plenty of “down time” in between all the big decisions. 

 

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