Post # 1
Sometimes I feel like its difficult to ‘fit in’ with some major aspects of WB. This site is so fun, and its so exciting to see other people excited about their upcoming weddings. I find the DIY stuff AMAZING and its given me lots of great ideas! I really like forums, ALL forums , and I find that WB has a ton of really varied topics to choose from.
However…..it is sometimes difficult for me to understand what seems to be major portions or views on WB. The thing that really gets me most perplexed and shocked is the ‘waiting’ theme that I see so much. I just don’t really get it at all and I find it very hard to validate that feeling. At first, when I started posting, I didn’t realize that things were posted in different areas (duh! lol) so now I just try really hard to stay away from ‘waiting’ threads. That helps but the theme creeps up in a lot of other posts.
Two other topics that actually really shocked me were how women say they ‘deserve’ this or that (usually something expensive) or how a lot of women expect other people to contribute funds to their weddings. I’m not being snotty – I just really was shocked to read both of those sentiments, lol! Often, I have a hard time making peace with those ideals, especially when they crop up in a thread I was already following so its hard to avoid! I enjoy a lot of WB so much and I guess I just need a little reassurance that I’m not alone here in feeling removed from the mainstream.
I know I’ve seen some other posters that jive with a lot of my views. I’m just wondering what other topics bees ‘avoid’ looking at on WB – I would imagine political ones could be a no no for some people. But what else for you personally?
Post # 3
I don’t read the “waiting” threads that much either. Sometimes I don’t pay attention to the category and end up in them anyway. The ones I really don’t understand are the “waiting” ones who are planning a wedding, without being engaged, but I probably don’t know all their back stories and there may be reasons.
Post # 4
I’m with you on the “waiting” ones as well. I’m all for wedding research before the ring (I did it) but I wouldn’t post about it on an open forum. I know if Fiance would have found me posting about our make believe wedding before he had even proposed, he would probably have been pretty weirded out by it. Then again, I guess everyones situations are different. It’s just not something I would have done.
Post # 5
Some things I avoid, which I’m not going to name b/c I don’t want to make others feel inadequate. We all use weddingbee community for different purposes and it’s nice that it’s available. Who knows, maybe I’ll have to use WB for the same purposes others use it (that I currently avoid). One thing for certain, when threads blow up before I’ve started posting on it, I’ll usually leave it be. Otherwise, I’m in for it 🙂
Post # 6
@luckyprincess: The waiting thing is frustrating and I hate it and I hate myself for being so damn traditional in that sense. I don’t have the balls (even though I would like to think I do) to get down on one knee and ask my SO to marry me complete with his own ring. I’m afraid I am brainwashed in that area.
As for planning without the ring, that’s us. We consider ourselves engaged because we have agreed to marry, picked a date, and booked a venue. Wiki says we are engaged. The ring, sadly, is the wedding industry complex telling us that it’s not a real engagement unless it’s with a ring.
But I feel you on the other things. I consider myself offbeat, but not offbeat enough to be on offbeatbride.com constantly. I hate the wedding industry complex and I am trying very hard to have a wedding that reflects us as a couple and not something Brides magazine told us to be. I find that a lot of brides on this site don’t want to hear about the lies from the diamond industry or how we are brainwashed to think we need to spend $30k on a wedding. I have struggled with myself about the very same thing and I really had to do some soul searching. Every decsion I make now comes after I ask myself, “Is this what YOU want or what the wedding industry wants you to want.” Usually I come to my senses and realize it’s not needed, but other brides on this site are confident in their choices and usually get defensive about their personalized cocktail napkins.
I avoid the money boards sometimes. I can’t stand reading the “OMG our parents aren’t helping! How do I plan a wedding on $15k!?” Seriously?
Or the 20’s board. Even though I’m only 27, I feel like the 20’s board is for high school graduates. I avoid the mommy boards. Even though I’m a mom, I usually can’t stand other moms, and I avoid the etiqutte boards. No one in my family is going to turn their nose up if I don’t have letter pressed invites.
Post # 7
I was a waiting bee before I “graduated” so I very much understand those posts. I think sometimes life circumstances make it so that you KNOW a proposal is coming soon and you’re excited about it but you really don’t want to talk to other people in your life about it. That is basically what happened to me… I had a 3 month period where I knew it was imminent but I felt crazy talking to people in my life about wedding stuff even though I was SOEXCITED to get engaged…. so I used the ‘bee! 🙂
Re: “deserving” expensive things or expecting family to contribute– I’m with ya. Although I actually think that is the majority view here. Usually it seems that someone posts about wanting their family to chip in more and people tend to remind them that a wedding is really the responsibility of those getting married.
About posts in general… I’d say I’m usually with the majority (or what I perceive as the majority) on a lot of issues that aren’t related to specific theme/decor. I’m not doing vintage or rustic or soft so that boots me out of a lot of that inspiration but thats cool with me.
Post # 8
Totally in the minority, but I am enjoying the threads that I do visit.
And I do not find Offbeat Bride to be that offbeat either. They show a certain level of conformity when being ‘off beat’ and some of those weddings look quite expensive.
Post # 9
I didn’t vote because I’m a minority here in being super conservative… But I never back down from debate or have my opinion changed 🙂
Post # 10
i actually stopped looking at weddingbee starting 6 months before my wedding and only started again after it was all over. i actually found it really stressful to read the boards and bios because i am the most un-DIY person and i despised planning the wedding. i couldn’t relate to any of it! after the actual day of (which was amazing and absolutely perfect), i started wanting to see what other brides were up to. whoops, that’s a tangent. but considering that this site is owned by a mainstream company, i think the reason why we have such diverse boards (such as the waiting) is because there is demand for it. if people want it, then the corporate world will provide it.
Post # 11
I think one of my favorite things about WB is that there ARE so many opinions and different types of weddings here.
Despite the recent comments about things feeling “cookie cutter”, I really don’t find that to have been the case over my past year + on WB. Sure, we’re not as offbeat as OBB, but I think there’s more diversity here than a lot of sites – high and low budget weddings; younger and older brides; brides of all ethnicities (and lots of intercultural weddings!); long term relationships, waiting bees, and quick engagements. We’ve got it all!
Personally, I think if everyone had the same relationship story and wedding expectations that I do, it would make for a pretty boring site, haha.
Just because some of us can’t relate to the experiences of others doesn’t make their experiences any less valid – whether that’s unmet expectations over family contributions or attitutudes, anxiety over waiting, not wanting to spend “too much” or not wanting to look cheap, etc.
I don’t think any of us will ever find another wedding or relationship that’s identical to our own – so it’s fun to see what others experience along the way too!
Post # 12
@CorgiTales: Thank you Corgi!
Many members of the hive started as waiting bees, including several of our hostesses. Like CorgiTaleds said, the waiting boards are a safe haven for bees who have a pending engagement. Also, there are a wide variety of circumstances why bees are waiting for a proposal. Though there are always exceptions, in most circumstances they are not trying to drag a reluctant groom to the altar.
Post # 13
Oh wow, just checked back and can’t believe how many votes there are, lol! It’s nice to not feel so ‘alone’ in feeling alone!
Such interesting posts! Thanks! It’s interesting that so many other people see themselves as out of the mainstream. I get sucked into the ‘debate’ stuff so much because I think I’m offering a view that maybe hasn’t been given and then get offended when it gets dismissed, lol! Frustrating, but its an endless circle that I try so hard not to get into.
@CorgiTales: @Miss Tattoo:
Thanks for explaining the waiting thing to me for your situations. That does make sense to me. I guess that my first marriage I was not expecting him to propose at all (nor did I really want him to) and my bf and I now have just unromantically discussed the positives and then said we’ll consider it and would go together to get an inexpensive (read: cheap, lol) ring. I totally ‘get’ your circumstances.
I think I was more not understanding the ‘idea’ of waiting just because you’ve dated for two years or just because one person is ready, without really considering the other person. There is a lot of ‘I deserve it’ on those threads, too, come to think of it. But for me, it is the idea that someone is considering marriage to be a goal or achievement in life and then ‘putting in the time’ to get a ring. I guess I don’t understand wanting to get married just to be married, regardless of the guy. I really only understand wanting to get married BECAUSE of the guy. But again, its a huge thing for me to hurdle and I just try not to respond to those threads anymore.
Post # 14
The topics I tend to avoid reading are the Open Vs Cash bar debate, and anything weight-related. I don’t want to hear how “fat” you think you are at 5’4″ and 105 lbs. Sorry if that is harsh, but I see a lot of that on here.
Post # 15
Oh, I totally agree with that and don’t think its cookie cutter at all. I find lots of diversity, especially with the numerous DIY threads! I honestly don’t think I’ve seen two weddings that were alike here at all, even in the short time I’ve been here.
I certainly don’t think anyone’s experience is less valid, either. It’s valid because it’s unique to you 🙂 There are just things that I fundamentally don’t ‘get’ or can’t get down with that I find I have to stay away from. Not that its a judegement on that person, just that I cannot imagine feeling a certain way. I actually find this site to have a much more diverse group than others. Plus there are TONS of topics on the forums – I am seriously discovering new ones all the time.
Post # 16
I tend to read a little bit of all of them but every once in awhile I’ll be scrolling and see a thread topic that makes me go OHHHH NOOOO and back away slowly. There are some posts I wouldn’t touch with a 100 foot pole.