(Closed) Does anybody else do this? I feel somewhat guilty…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Hostess
11168 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Sorry to hear about your frustrations. The thing is everyone’s timing is different and there is no use comparing, it is what it is.

I am 28 and most of my friends have a child and are on to their second (or third!). I am just getting married with no plan of children in the near future.

I am not sure if you feel bad about your situation yourself or if their advances in life make you feel bad, however just focus on what is best for you at this time. Enjoy the freedom and lack of responsibilities you have now. Your time will come for all those life’s events and you can post on FB all you want. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

No, I do this too. I’m very impatient to move on to the next stage in life (house buying and baby having) and I’m not sure we’ll ever get there (financially or physically… there’s no guarantee of fertility). I actually feel this way in real life around pregnant women and so forth but unfortunately in real life it would be rude to ignore people when they talk to you about their unborn child or the house they’re remodeling. NOTHING rude or childish about doing it on fb though.

Post # 5
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You don’t have to read anything you don’t want to on facebook. Besides, plenty of people on facebook just try to make their lives look perfect. Trust me, they’re not. You are at a good place in your life. Don’t torture yourself by comparing your life to all your friends’.

Post # 6
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I’ll totally admit, I block the friends who post non stop happy stuff about their lives, or their perfect boyfriend, or their fabulous new home.

I love my husband but we’re dealing with a lot at the moment that’s just pain in the ass adulthood/parenthood stuff. Nothing we can’t get through, but it doesn’t exactly make me feel like “Awwwww good for you!” when someone posts for the 50th time about how cute their boyfriend’s note on their lunch napkin was today.

I just feel like I’m in a different life place.

Post # 8
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I could have written this exact post myself!
Almost all of my friends were married by the time we finished highschool, and the rest when I was in Uni. I know I’m only 24, but most people I went to school with are on their second child now and it is so frustrating! I feel like I am being punished for pursuing something academic in life instead of settling down early and having children right away. And I do deeply regret going to university – I was left with a whack load of debt, a job that doesn’t remotely pertain to my degree, and I feel like I’m 4-5 years behind everyone else! That said I would never have met my husband if I didn’t go to university so for that I am eternally thankful.

Darling Husband keeps telling me not to compare our situation to others because it will only make me bitter, but as I’m sure you know it is SO ridiculously hard! I’m angry because we’re at the ‘right’ time in our life to start having a family (jobs, house, financially, etc), but it doesn’t feel ‘right’ for him … so we wait! And my facebook continues to be flooded with ‘good news’ of everyone getting pregnant, or having children, or their children having children!! I can certainly appreciate that is so hard to be consistently happy and excited for everyone, when really you are disappointed that you’re not at the stage of life yourself. I don’t really have any words of advice because I’m struggling desperately with it also – but at least you know you’re in similar company and you’re not crazy 🙂

Post # 9
Member
3799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have had trouble with this in the past…especially before engagement. Now that I am engaged and we are starting wedding planning, this urge has slowed down a bit. I feel as though it took me from the age of 22-25 to really understand that my life path is different than others.

I think this starts, at least this is how it was for me…when you graduate college and suddenly everyone is trying to be the first to get a job, then the first to get an apartment and move away from home, and then be the first to get engaged, married, babies, etc. It’s like this downhill slide of competition…and FB is to blame! I started posting less and less and going on it less, as well. I noticed the more I stayed away from it, the better.

Cosmo magazine (yes, it is my guilty pleasure) wrote about this in their recent issue, about how reading constant FB updates can make you feel bad about your own life. Remember – people are going to, 99% of the time, post things that are good. Noone is going to post about a fight they had with their SO…it gets more attention to put that he did something cute, because that makes your relationship sound better than anyone elses’s, and then people will be at home feeling bad. You are totally normal for feeling this way. FB can be a real turd sometimes!

Post # 10
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I totally understand! First of all it was with weddings, but now we are planning ours the baby envy is appearing! Shocking considering I was always a ‘maybe when I’m 30’ kinda girl about babies. Now I want a honeymoon pregnancy! 

It’s so sad but my Etsy favourites are full of cute baby stuff! *cringe* lol I’m a massive planner, and love spending hours planning holidays, trips, now the wedding and yes, my future babies nurseries (god willing)!

I’m kind of relieved I’m not totally crazy, or maybe I am and so are the rest of us lol

Post # 11
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

I can understand why you are feeling this way. But I think that if you want to know whats going on with your friends unblock them. Focus on this wedding planning and getting to marry your man and then after that start your focus on kids. Just becasue you are in a different place isnt bad. You will have a different perspecitve on things, and it will be good to have a variety of views among your friends etc. Another good thing is when you baby is born, when they hit the terrible twos etc. Your friends will have already been there, and then can be there for you to lean on and give you advice!! it will be good in the long run to have a big suppoort system of people that have went through simalar situations.

Post # 12
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m 29 now, and when we got engaged and Fiance asked when I wanted our wedding I told him “before July.” (When I’ll turn 30.) It’s silly. I KNOW this, he knows this. Now everyone who ever reads this will know how silly I am.  But darn it! I was going to be married before I was 30 if I had a choice!  I didn’t want to listen to the comments if I wasn’t.

As for the blocking of Facebook comments – I found an easier solution – I just ignore friend requests. 😉  I do have several people blocked because I found their constant updates annoying.  Whether they were talking about their perfect, happy lives, their kids (I don’t wan’t kids though), their baby’s daddy drama, or their lost brown cow from farmville.

We have the duty to be polite and supportive friends.  If the best way for us to do that is to limit and censor the updates we see and when we see them…  Well, I say that’s best for everyone involved.

Post # 13
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I can understand your frustration and there is nothing wrong with having those feelings… Its natural

 

Post # 14
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@UmbrellaMoon: Don’t feel bad… my wanting to be married before my 30th is one of the considerations for our wedding date as well!  LoL.  At first Fiance wanted us to get married in 2013.. I was like “Nooooooooo!”  That’s the year I turn 30– in March.  So we did some research, and it is cheapest to get married in October (at our destination), anyway.. so Oct 2012, it is!

Post # 15
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

i always notice how facebook can create these feelings of either jealously or feeling left out or all around negative feelings. i feel like that sometimes when i see good friends from the past just being good friends with someone else in the present. it makes me miss the bond we had.  its not exactly what you are referring to, but i think the general  idea is that facebook is not natural. i don;t think we are supposed to know what everyone we have ever been friends with in our life is doing.  its gotta be boring when we serendipitously bump into someone now.  we already know what is going on with them!  and sometimes the past should just be in the past and we also just need the people who are in our real lives everyday. so i personally dont think there is nothing wrong with bloking their updates if it makes you feel bad.  better solution would just don’t go on facebook alot!

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