(Closed) Does anyone comment becuase your fiance is military?

posted 9 years ago in Military
Post # 17
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

He’s a brave man and you must love each other a lot cause it’s not easy. That’s what should be in your mind, forget about haters. Lots of love xxx

Post # 18
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I don’t get it very often. My family has a bit of military in it. It’s usually just a sympathetic “It’s tough, but you guys will make it work”. I’ve never had anything negative said to me.

I can confidently say no one has ever insinuated he was going to cheat on me, that’s for sure. I don’t know what I’d say if someone said that to me.  I’d probably be too dumbfounded to speak. Everyone around me has been super supportive and I’m sorry that’s not everyone’s experience.

Post # 19
Member
2906 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@beebee17:YES. Also got lots of “you’re giving up (xyz)to become a (derogatory inflection)ARMY WIFE?”   

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@AirForceFiance:Me too. I have a master’s/PhD candidacy and might go back to finish my PhD or get a doctorate in a different field.  He is now taking college courses online, but at the time we got married, he joined the marines right after high school.

My family actually has a lot of navy (many cousins and more distant cousins, both grandpas; husband’s dad was air force when my husband was born!) so I was surprised how my friends felt about the military. My family never said anything negative about it (and some positives).

FWIW I am a marine wife. And I knew what I was getting myself into.

Post # 20
Member
3135 posts
Sugar bee

Naw I don’t get any comments.  I am a little older, so that may have something to do with it.
Plus I work for DND so no one thinks its weird here.

In fact, just the other day I was talking to my boss who is a Colonel and he asked me how Fiance was doing.  Fiance and I have been fighting alot and are going through a rough patch of this deployment and so.. I burst out crying. Not cool.  But the Col gave me such great advice and told me his wife and his experienced similar stuff.  I am lucky to have the support here.

As far as the cheating stuff.  There isn’t much I can do about it but I think the only think the army has to do with it is it makes him go away a lot, creating opp. but any guy who travels with work could say the same.

Post # 21
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@Oneeleven: Same here. I don’t really get any comments about it, but I am a bit older, and I definitely DO hear people make comments and generalizations about 18-22 year olds getting married to an ADSM. We also are pretty independent of the military: he went in after getting his degree, I have an pretty awesome career as a CPA, we live 30 miles from his base, and most of our friends and and family are civilian. I think it helps keep us from getting caught up in what can be a pretty dramatic social circle – the lines blur quickly when your employer has so much control over your life.  

I have complete trust in my fiance to never cheat. I am lucky in that when he gets drunk or lonely, he annoys people by talking about me too much, so he probably wouldn’t ever end up in the ‘oops, I was not thinking straight’ situation. Plus, in his actual job, he doesn’t work with very many women.

However, he and I talk about how cheating does seem more prevalent in the military than in civilian life. We agree that it is probably the same proportion that WOULD cheat if they could, but there is more opportunity for both servicemembers and their spouses, given the deployments and separations. At the end of the day though, 99% of couples could end up in divorce or cheating on each other, but if you are in the 1% that doesn’t, the actions of the other 99% don’t really reflect on you or mean anything to your relationship.

Post # 22
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I got a lot of comments because they just assumed we were getting married because he was in the military. Before we started our pre-marital counseling, they asked how long we have been together as soon as they found out my Darling Husband was in the military. We were together 4 years before we got married haha… and most of them were shocked. To their credit though, I know A LOT of wives on base that dated their husbands for about 6 months before they were married. I think that is part of what makes people so judgemental. 

Post # 23
Member
2495 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

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@_lucyinthesky_: Yeah, there’s nothing wrong at ALL with being young and/or not together long before getting married, but I think it does help your marriage, no matter what your husband does, to have as much time as possible. 

I do think that the generalization comes from the type of relationship that a lot of military marriages are made of is young people and quicker marriage, then you hear about so many military divorces, and then people conclude that all military marriages are that way, which is sad. 

My sister and Brother-In-Law got married at 20, after dating for a year, most of which was long distance.  They’re doing just fine 2 years later. 🙂

Post # 24
Member
4411 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

I haven’t gotten any comments like that. Everyone we know who knows my husband is Army appreciates his service and hopes the best for us. 

Post # 25
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I have several members of my family who were in the Navy, so everyone in my family was so excited when they found out that I was dating a naval officer.  And even more excited when we got engaged.

Other people do make mean comments though.  Not everyone, but a few people say mean things or say stuff without thinking first.  We got engaged after about 6 months, and I got comments like “that was quick,” and “I hope that works out for you.”  And my fiance was deployed in the middle of our engagement, so we have an 18-month engagement.  And I got mean comments like “wow…long engagement.”  Umm…he’s out defending your freedom, you mean person. lol  

My fiance got my engagement ring from Tiffany, and when people saw it I got comments like, “You’re wringing that poor guy dry.  He only has a sailor’s salary.”  My fiance was really pissed about that one.  Just plain rude.

Post # 26
Member
2495 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

View original reply
@mmgcope:  Umm…he’s out defending your freedom, you mean person. lol  Hehe… that’s so funny!

Post # 27
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I haven’t gotten any comments but wonder if he has! Because I’m the one going into the service!

Post # 28
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

My Fiance is in the Army and I don’t care what people have to say with their negative (and quite often fabricated) statistics regarding divorce rates, they dont know me and they can’t speak for my relationship! But as far as deployments being hard, yeah they are but if you love one another you endure and make it work. I always think of a great quote:

“Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It’s for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It’s for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don’t see it nearly enough…” 

Post # 29
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Speaking frm experience I can tell you that no matter what the occupation a cheater is a cheater. My ex was in the military and we saw moe deployments than we did each other so I always blamed the split partly on that .. until after a while i saw his life afterward and I couldnt beleive i couldnt see what he was before that. It doesnt matter what he did as a job he is a loser and a cheat. My current fiance is in the military also but his ex cheated on him while he was at work.. repeatedly.. so yes the military puts more of a strain and takes away time together but you have to know what you’re getting into before you get into it.

A lot of marriages are based on the ability to do it before deployment or change of duty station.. or there are those who joined because the have children to care for .. and thats the reason for marriage.. so those are doomed to fail if you aren’t prepared.

Just some advice..  I love my Fiance and we have a strong bond.. no matter what so for once I’m not worried 🙂

Post # 30
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

I am currently dating a 2nd LT in the Marine Corps – he’s at flight school in Pensacola. When I told my friends I was dating a Marine, I got all sorts of weird looks, a few snarky comments about how long distance relationships never work, and even a comment from a USMC wife that I should be careful, because “Marines move fast due to separation anxiety.”  I just don’t understand how people can say such things about our military boys and ladies. True, I have seen some of my military friends go through rough patches (mainly, I’m guessing, due to separation anxiety), but one of the truest marriages I have seen with my peers was a USMC husband and civilian wife. I think that if something is meant to be, and you can compromise and communicate fears, anxieties, dreams, intentions, etc., all will work out for the benefit of a relationship.  I personally don’t know if a military marriage is more difficult than any other (I’ve never been married) but I will say that this relationship I have right now with my Marine is the best I’ve ever had, and I love him for it. 

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