(Closed) Does anyone else ever feel judged for having a long engagement? (sort of a rant)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

My fiance and I are getting the opposite reaction. We got engaged last month and we aren’t getting married until September 2013, which makes it a 17-month engagement, like you. However, when I tell people that we’re getting married next September, they say that we made the right decision to wait, because it would have been too stressfull to plan the wedding for this September, which would have only given us 5 months to plan. It’s wierd that we’re getting such different reactions…..  

Post # 4
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

When we got engaged last January, all I heard was “when’s the wedding?”  We were dealing with a very difficult situation.  My fiance’s father passed away and that takes the joy out of planning a wedding.  When people would ask me, I’d say “It’ll be here before you know it.  Next you’ll be asking when I’m due hahaha”  Usually that would kill the conversation. 🙂

 

Post # 5
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

people are jerks. Ours just hit the 2 year mark…and we have 70 dayys or so to go. We didn’ twant it to be that long but circumstances prevented it from being sooner. You will always get people who don’t understand having a full-on wedding. I just try and respect their opinion…but explain that I’ve always wanted a proper wedding and was willing to wait for it. 

Post # 7
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Everyone knows we’re waiting because I promised my dad I would get a college degree first. It helps that they all know the reason. FI’s family complained a bit but they got over it fast. Ours is almost exactly 18 months. I received less of those “wow, why so long?” comments after a few months had passed. It’s much better now.

Post # 8
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I hate that too, and 17 months isn’t even that long. A little over a year is a good amount of time, actually. We’ll have been engaged for 27 months by the time we get married! I just tell people we’re taking our sweet time to save because weddings are so damn expensive; I especially love saying this to wedding vendors who charge crazy prices. At least you only have to deal with this for a little bit longer, until the wedding gets closer. 

Post # 9
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Honestly, my fiance and I aren’t getting married until November 2013.  We were going to make it earlier but we decided as I’m unemployed right now that if we give it an extra 6 months, we can get more money together to pay for the wedding.  I know many people look down on me for starting the wedding planning so soon, however, look at it this way: I have more time to get all of those DIY projects done.  My fiance and I have a spefic look/theme in mind for our wedding so this gives us extra time to pay for it and get our money saving projects done and underway.  Yes, the worst part is the storage of these items but in the end, at least I won’t be staying up unttil 4AM the night before the wedding trying to get my bouquets, centerpieces, and other projects finished.  Then again, most of my friends know me well enough to say that I’m one of those people who budgets their time and likes to shop for sales so this gives me pleanty of time to shop the sales.

Post # 10
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

We had a 17 month engagement as well, and yes, some did think it was too long. Well I say, its a good thing you’re not the one getting married! Honestly, my Fiance proposed in July and I wanted a December wedding. December 2011 was too soon from July so 2012 it was! I told anyone that said anything that its when I wanted my wedding and that’s all there is to it. And now being 7 months out I’m glad I had the extra time, I blinked and 10 months disappeared.  

Post # 11
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

By the time that my Fiance and I will be married we will have been engaged for 1087 days; we wanted to make sure that we could afford not only our wedding but a house and everything that comes with that. Do not ever feel like you have to explain yourself to anyone about how long your engegement is because frankly ot os really not their concern. As long as you are happy that’s all that matters. 

 

Post # 12
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@FutureMrsSuth:  I feel the same way that you do about not having to rush the planning. Thanks.  Smile

Post # 13
Member
2143 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’m always afraid that people will think we’re not really getting married, just talking about it, since it’s so far out that we haven’t commited to anything for it. I haven’t really had anyone say this to me, it’s just my fear.

Post # 14
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MabelleBliss:  I’ve only ever thought that way aobut people who’ve been engaged for more than a a couple years without setting a date. My cousin for example has been engaged for what seems like forever….and she says they are still getting to know eachother. I’m pretty sure they have been engaged for like 5 years! Which is fine…but sometimes I do kind of wonder if they are actually serious about getting married someday. But yeah..

Post # 15
Member
1512 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We’ve gotten mixed reactions, depending on who we’re talking to. All our friends and family said that it was smart of us to wait so long [engaged last month-wedding next September], but whenever we contact a possible venue, they sound surprised we’re looking so far in advance.

I’m sorry people aren’t being super supportive of you and your fiance, but, in your hearts, you know you’re making the right decision for the two of you.

Post # 16
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

No – although personally I wish I could have a shorter engagement so I could get married this year. But Fiance only proposed a month ago and our families live all over the world, so there is no way people could get together before Christmas. And because we are getting married in NJ the weather is too much of a risk factor to plan anything including out-of-town guests in the winter.

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