(Closed) Does anyone else ever feel judged for having a long engagement? (sort of a rant)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
1098 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Everyone I know who has planned a wedding knows how long it takes to get things in order and get money together, I find it’s only my non-engaged and non-married friends and co-workers who seem to seem to be shocked at the length of our engagement. 

Post # 18
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@FutureMrsSuth:  Wow, I am literally in the same situation.  Down to the details.  You are not alone at all!

Post # 19
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m probably going to have been engaged for at least 3 years by the time we get married.  The main reason for the delay is financial – we just can’t afford the wedding Fiance wants.  And as it’s going to be 99% his family and friends there, I’m not willing to get thousands of pounds in debt for it. It’s one day.

So we have a bit of an impasse at the moment.  Nobody even bothers mentioning marriage to us anymore – but I think that has alot to do with our ages (early 40s) as well.   Sometimes it annoys me, but most of the time I try to enjoy what we have right now, without worrying too much about the future.

Post # 20
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2012

People ask me how my wedding planning is coming along all the time and it drives me crazy. I know they’re genuinely interested but I temporarily put a halt to all planning because it was stressing me out way more than a wedding should and I began to question whether I even wanted to get married. I usually respond that we just don’t have a date yet, but then I get the “what’s the hold up” look as if I’m the problem and that’s also when I get annoyed. I can tolerate this from just a few close friends and immediate family but everyone else just needs to get out of my business. Especially this one co-worker who I think has put it on his (yes a guy is concerned about my wedding) calendar to follow up with me every two weeks or so. Ugh!

Post # 21
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

 

We have been engaged 27 months… yea I guess that is long. And people do say “you’re so different from your sister! She started dating the guy in July and was married in December” (Now I just want to tell people Fiance and I been together almost 8 years and she is about to get divorced so you tell me whose wrong)

We booked a hall right away, the first one we saw, just out of excitement. Then we didn’t really do anything with it. We were supposed to get married 5/7/11 (would have been a 13 month engagement) but we put it off to October because of lack of $. My mom at this time was paying for our wedding and she needed to have a full hysterectomy and had some other medical issues. She had no miss work so lack of $ came into play.

So then last summer we started planning again and it became SOO much!! Everyone wanted everything their way. My mom always told my sister and I that when we got married she would pay for everything-she never said that meant she got to choose everything. My mom actually started selling a popular line of kitchen products as a side job to “pay for our wedding” (the kind where people host parties and you show them the products). So after so much of HER wanting HER dream wedding as MY wedding we decided we would elope.

This was a very hard decision for me to come to because I always resented my mom for eloping with her 3rd husband (I was 12 @ the time). My daughter will have just turned 3 when Fiance and I get married and I didn’t want her to feel that way. But after a TON of thinking, last Sept Fiance and I decided we would have a DW/honeymoon and have a laid back reception after.

So my mom said “you are on your own if that is what you want to do” (mind you she had put no $ into the wedding we were previously planning so it’s not like she lost anything). So she had been saving all the time for our wedding (allegedly). So my sister sent us all a text message the first week of last November saying her bridal shower was 11/21 and she was getting married 12/17. So my mom spent all the $ she was going to spend on our wedding and gave it to my sister.

So our LOOONG engagement was pretty much due to financial reasons due to we have to pay for everything ourselves which we were not expecting.

P.S. My mom still tells everyone she sells these products to pay for our wedding

Can you tell I have issues with my mother lol! Sorry for the rant 🙁

Post # 22
Member
765 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I do. We got engaged Thanksgiving weekend 2011, and by the time the wedding rolls around we will have been engaged for 22 months.

I get a lot of “Wow, that’s a long time,” “I could never wait that long,” “why are you waiting so long,” etc. etc. etc. It gets frustrating. Not to mention I know lots of people who have gotten engaged after me and are getting married before me. I just want to yell at them, that if I had my choice I wouldn’t be engaged for 22 months, I would already be married!!!

Now that I am getting closer to the 1 year countdown mark, vendors aren’t being rude about it (but of course they don’t know that we are having a long engagement anyway), but I feel like some of the family and friends feel like the wedding planning process is dragging on (for that matter I feel that way too) and aren’t excited about the wedding like they would be if it was a short engagement. I’m probably reading too much into it, but that’s how I feel.  

The worst that happened, was I was meeting with my wedding planner that I already booked and she had her apprentice with her. The apprentice is so rude as to say “why are you already planning your wedding is still forever away,” I just wanted to scream at her that I am sorry not all people can afford and not all people are able to get married with 4-6 months (like she did). I’m still debating if I’m going fire my wedding planner over it; she’s a nice lady, and I’m not a bridezilla, but I’m definitely not okay with working with her apprentice.

Post # 23
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

We had the SAME exact situation. Got engaged Sept. 2010, our wedding is 12/1/12.  I wanted to rant too. lol. It’s frankly just annoying how people think that everything just comes together perfectly after you say “yes”

It was especially annoying to hear it from engaged people who had parents paying for the whole thing and from people who were just throwing a plain church hall wedding with no decor or anything. Nothing is wrong with that, but that’s not what Fiance and I want. We don’t want anything extravagant, but we want it to be “us” and unqiue.

I was also in school. How am i supposed to plan/pay for a wedding during my senior year of college (right after my Fiance moved across the country for me and was trying to find a job)?

ALSO: We couldn’t set a date due to no $ or venue, and EVERYONE we know kept wanting a date. It was constant.  We didn’t have an official date until a month ago. lol.

We ended up secretly eloping 11 months after our engagement and plan to have our full out wedding later. No self-control after a while. Hahaha.

Post # 24
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We’ll be engaged for 2 months short of 3 years. We had orinigally planned a short of two year engagement, but my dad asked us to wait the extra year (until I finished my bachelors degree and so he wouldn’t lose “his baby” as quickly). 

I get kinda jealous that most others just decide to get married and do so within a couple months, especially sinice I’ve been waiting over 5 years. 

But I’ve also come to see how it’s a little reckless to try to plan a wedding so quickly. 

Post # 25
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Maybe it’s a regional thing…when w eget married in August it will end a 20 month engagement. Everyone who knows tells us how smart we are not to rush, and that we actually took time to enjoy being engaged before we even thought about planning anything.

Sorry people are being jerks 🙁

The topic ‘Does anyone else ever feel judged for having a long engagement? (sort of a rant)’ is closed to new replies.

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