- 5 years ago
- Wedding: February 2013
I’ve tried to post this once but got cold feet. Let’s try it again, shall we?
This is something that’s been bothering me for awhile. I just got married and we’re not planning on kids for at least another year. We agreed to bring up kids on a year-by-year basis to see where we are emotionally and financially.
However, this also worries me. My fiance is 10 years older than me and in 5 more years will be hitting 40. A few months ago, I read a story about the mother of a baby with Down Syndrome that was posted on here. I’m sure most of you remember it as well, the blog post and accompanying pictures were heartbreaking and heartwarming. After reading about the age difference between the mother of the child and the father (the father was in his 40s, the mother in her 20s), I started doing some research. I eventually found out that while women have traditionally been fingered as the culprits (I use this term loosely) in birth defects when reaching the 40-and-over mark, it seems that males in the same range are not only just as at-risk.
“Children born to fathers over 40 had a 37 to 55 per cent greater risk of developing an autism spectrum disorder compared to children of fathers under 35, and the mother’s age didn’t seem to matter.”
–Daily Mail (2/3/12)
This made the somewhat recent Bee debate about abortion and autism hit home for me. I personally couldn’t choose sides because I feel that this is more likely to happen to me and unless it happened, I couldn’t really know that feeling that a couple has when they get such news about their baby’s heath while it is still in the womb.
Am I ready for a baby tomorrow? No. I want to enjoy being married and it just being the two of us for awhile–financially and emotionally. My brother had kids at a young age (16) and warned me that I have plenty of time to have children, which is true to an extent. I am just afraid that my husband will soon be too old to have kids.
I am not the type of person that thinks that my life will stop when I have a kid or that I can’t complete any of the goals I’ve set for myself with some determination, sacrifice, and elbow grease. So in all actuality, if by some stroke of insanity I DID find out I was pregnant tomorrow, we would make it work. But still, this idea of my husband being too old for kids because of the health and developmental risk to the child is scary and keeps me from feeling good about waiting.
Thoughts? Opinions? Am I getting sucked in the fear machine? Have you had experience with TTC and an older SO?
(I hope I didn’t offend anyone with this post.)