(Closed) Does anyone else ever feel pressured to have kids? (Really, really long)

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009


There are a lot of factors in your post… First, I think you have to put aside all factors that are not you and your Fiance. No one else will have the responsibility of your children for the rest of their lives, only you two. So don’t weigh that in.

Then, sit down with your Fiance and decide together if you want children at all. You don’t seem sure, he seems to want them. If you end up figuring out you don’t want them and he still does, would that be a dealbreaker? It would need to be figured out before getting married…

If you decide you want them eventually… I suggest a timeline.
Darling Husband and I decided we wanted them, but I’m really scared of being pregnant/delivery. I always have, to the point I wanted to adopt. But Darling Husband wants his own, and I want to have them with him. We have a similar age difference (I’m 28 he’s 35) so we can’t wait too long. We said we’d have them 2 years after the wedding…

As time goes by, the deadline is approaching, but honestly, too slow for me! Knowing that it is going to happen gave me no choice but to work through my fears, and while I’m still nervous about this, I’m looking more and more forward to it. I do lots of research and do whatever I have to do to make my body ready for this. Now we might not wait the entire 2 years. We’ll see.

So, I don’t know if that will help for you, but I hope it will!

Post # 4
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Don’t feel guilty. I know plenty of people who aren’t ready for kids. I’m not either, but I’m only 22. The idea of having children isn’t appealing to me at all, but then again, it never really has. Which is why I’m glad FH and I are on the same page about it. We’ll probably talk about it one day, but who knows if we’ll ever have children.

And I understand the pressure. Ever since we’ve been engaged people have been asking us all the time when we plan to have children. How long after the wedding are we going to try? How many are we having? What are we going to name them? How many years apart? They also tell us that not having children is just selfish, and I will regret it for the rest of my life. It’s my “duty” as a woman and wife to provide children… Ugh. And we’re always getting informed of how wonderful children are.  Yes, maybe they are to you, but not for me. Not now.

I have to stop and say, wait, look. We’re not even married yet. My goal is not to get married and then start popping out youngin’s 9 months after the wedding. I don’t know that we’re going to have ANY children. And, I’m only 22. I’m not done with all of the things I want to do, like my master’s degree.

FH and I also deal with the same thing, “They have their dogs and that’s all they want.” We have a dog, and people call him our son. Well, we have a dog, and dogs are sort of like kids. Except dogs don’t go to college or need cars etc. Right now, the dog is more than enough.

Anyway, it’s best to just do it, if you chose to do it, when YOU are ready. Don’t let other people influence you. This is between you and your hubby.

Post # 5
1221 posts
Bumble bee

I know what you mean when you say your dad makes comments. My dad has been making those same comments for 4 years… way before a wedding was even thought of. I have always seen myself as having my first kid at 25 yrs old… we just were not ready 🙁 now here i am going to be 27 and it scares me.. what if i never have a kid. Me and Fi really want one but dont know how fast it all will happen. My clock is ticking big time and i HATE that now we are married everyones question is.. So when are the babies coming? Like its just a switch you can turn on and off…

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