Post # 17
@Brittanyg20: I may have missed this, but did you go to college?
I have a very similar experience growing up. I was bullied, no boys liked me and I absolutely dreaded going to school every day.
College changed ALL of that.
Now, after college, I sometimes have a hard time fitting in, but College opened up doors for me that I never thought possible. It gave me a lot of self esteem.
Post # 18
@KateByDesign: I do part time classes. Unfortunately there are people age 20 -70 in these classes.. So I didn’t make any friends.
Post # 19
@Brittanyg20: I was fat during middle school and high school, so of course I was bullied. Looking back though I’m glad it happened because it taught me to have confidence in myself, even if no one else did. Once I realized that I was fine with being by myself and embraced who I was, I found it much easier to find good friends.
Post # 20
I got bullied, but I survived!
Although I did come out of adolescence with a few nervous tics. And I flat out refuse to cut my hair because I’m afraid of getting teased about looking like a boy again.
Post # 21
@Brittanyg20: I was picked on pretty badly all through school: from my weight, to body hair to my dad being sick…I just was “that girl in our grade.”
One of my most vivid memories was a girl I didnt know coming up to me in the cafeteria in highschool and saying “hi.” I didnt know her, but I said hello back. She responded “I just wanted to let you know, you’re trash, you’re clothes are trash, and nobody likes you. Bye!” A couple of years ago, she tried to add me on Facebook. Decline.
No, you are not alone. Not everyone is super social and just fits in with everyone. Hell, even some people that are phenomenally smart or talented or interesting have trouble socially because they cannot relate to everyone around them. You are not weird, and there is nothing wrong with you. Just be kind to people, and only worry about what the right kind of folks think of you.
I’ll leave you with this Frida Kahlo quote:
“I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it’s true I’m here, and I’m just as strange as you.”
Post # 22
@Brittanyg20: Wow, sure they aren’t the same person? My bestie is thin, gorgeous, doing great in university, always making tonnes of friends, supports herself though I do too, she also has a fiance, it just goes on and on. She has life so easy, though I know she didn’t when she was younger. She was also loved by all “those girls” when she came to our school in Year 8, but she chose to become friends with me and my friend at the time. I also had falling outs with her, I went through about 5 different groups of friends through school, someone would always put me on the out and I would have no friends for a while, till I found some more “friends”
School was hard, and when I went through my first job I thought it was going to be my whole life. The only thing that stopped me having a mental breakdown was my Fiance being beside me the whole time (met him 3 months before I got the job)
It gets better, we are hitting our prime years! (20 too here!) And all those girls and boys who were asses in school? They are all older than me (21/22 now) and getting nowhere. They are stuck in HS already, and its sad.
Post # 23
I was bullied a tiny bit…mostly in 5th grade by the preppy rich girls. I came home and cried almost daily. I had some drama filled years in middle & high school but I wouldn’t call much of it flat out bullying.
But girls can be effing mean. I’m sorry you’ve encountered so many bitches =/
Post # 24
@Brittanyg20: girl, your best years are yet to come! I agree with PPs, these popular “mean” girls peaked in HS and their time to shine is over. Now it’s your turn. I went through an awkward stage all through high school. I was never popular and I now fondly refer to myself as an ugly duckling. My college years were awesome, I “bloomed” and now I’m pretty hot (if I do say so myself), I have an awesome job I enjoy and I’m the first in any of my social circles to be married and have my own home (not live with my parents). Hang in there and don’t let other people get you down, they suck anyway 🙂
Post # 25
@Brittanyg20: I do feel like this. Bullying caused me post-traumatic stress disorder, so I often have flashbacks and panic attacks when around more than 1 person that I don’t know. And then that lead to me developing borderline personality disorder. So yeah, bullying does haunt me every day too and it really sucks.
I’m slowly learning to cope though. I’ve been in hospital a lot because of these issues, but after almost 5 years of that, I think I’ve started to learn to cope a bit better, and understand that other people’s opinions don’t need to affect me, and if I adopt that mindset, they WON’T affect me.
Anyway, it’s been a long road for recovery so far, but I am hopeful I will make it.
Post # 26
@Brittanyg20: Ah! At 20, you’re probably on the cusp of your own revolution :-). Just hang in there! You’ll get your “I have people who love and appreciate me so all the haters don’t matter anymore” thick skin soon!!!
Post # 27
The reason you don’t tend to fit into many groups is probably because you have always tended to “be yourself.”
Only healthy groups allow for their members to diverge in tastes in substantial ways. Unfortunately, many groups that consider themselves healthy are actually somewhat cliqueish. (Cliquishness exists on a scale from “mostly open and flexible with just a little cliquishness” to “extremely, rigidly cliquish”).
The key thing to keep in mind with groups where everyone seems to have things in common and you’re the odd woman out is the fact that the majority, and in some cases even all of the members, have adopted those commonalities in order to be accepted in the group. This is important because although they may not have a well-developed sense of their unique interests and thoughts (if they’ve been “fitting in” from one group to another from an early age, they may not realy have any idea what their own identity really is), should they ever work on developing it, it would become clear that the group members’ true identities, beliefs and interests are all quite distinct from each other.
In short, everyone who is true to him/herself is “weird” and doesn’t “fit in.” It’s not just you. It’s everyone. Fitting in is an act.
So, use this knowledge to find your balance. How much of a group’s commonalities are you willing to adopt as your own in order to be included? Consider this with each group you might want to be a part of. There will be some groups where they are open enough and it’s not too far of a stretch from your “core self” to “fit in” to the point that the others accept you. If there aren’t any around you right now, keep getting out there, and doing things where other people are. Groups are everywhere, and there will be a group for you.
Barring that, make your own. Start with one good friend, and keep adding more as you find them. This is what I tend to do. If you hate cliques, make sure your group doesn’t become cliqueish…work on establishing an identity as a group that would never judge someone based on superficial dissimillarities. My view is that the only truly legit grounds to judge another person is ethical grounds.
Post # 28
I think I first started getting teased when I got glasses in second grade. After that it was a variety of things I got teased about. I was “fat” even though I was a size 3-5, I was a dork just because I was smart, I was “too white” (which somehow made me too rich) to fit in with all the Mexican kids in my neighborhood even though I’m half Mexican and spoke better Spanish than all of them… I tried SO hard to fit in through 9th grade and then one day I was just like F ALL OF THESE DOUCHEBAGS. My change in attitude totally changed everything. When I stopped caring what other people thought of me, bitchy girls no longer tormented me because I didn’t let them. Comments that would’ve devastated me in middle school just rolled off my back. Ironically, it kind of made me more accepted in high school. Building my self-confidence was what helped me. People still try to put me down occasionally but now it just makes me laugh.
Post # 29
i sort of feel like that – i wouldn’t really say i was ever ‘bullied’ although there were events where people were mean to me… i was always known as a ‘smart’ kid in our class (also french immersion from 1 to 10!) and in the third grade one girl in particular was SO mean to me about it and i decided to stop doing my work. on the next few assignments i got horrible grads – so then the same girl made fun of me for being stupid.
i had a best friend for like 10 years but she was awful to me in high school after she became really popular. she started doing drugs, dating a total loser etc – that girl now works at a shitty jean store helping people buy discount denim and has never gone to college/university etc and nearly failed high school – i was in the mall one day and saw her at the front entrance, i smiled, she nearly died of embarrassment. loved it.
but i am insecure about how many/quality of friends that i have, and thinking about getting married has made me more conscious of that. i haven’t lived in my hometown in 8 years, and have lived in 3 cities in those 8, two which are on opposite coasts and one (where i currently live) is overseas. so not exactly ideal for making lasting friendships – or ones where i see friends often.
so don’t stress – everyone deals with this issue on some level, at some point in their lives. you’re dealing with it now, someone else will deal with it after graduating/having kids/getting married/moving for a job.
you’re totally normal 🙂
Post # 30
My life is the same. It’s the same now as an adult around middle aged people. I’m going to some therapy for social anxiety and its helping. But introversion is isolating at times.