Post # 1
I am getting married around the same time as a couple of other couples in my fiance’s family. They are planning VERY elaborate weddings (live band, castle) that make my wedding look plain. I could spend more on my wedding, but my values will not allow me to do so. (Not a judgment of others, it’s just that I refuse to blow my budget just because I can afford to do so). Still, I find myself trying to “keep up with the Jones.” I consider myself a fairly rational, mature woman, but this wedding “competition” thing has gotten to my head
Post # 3
It’s call the ‘wedding website syndrome’ (can’t remember where I read it but I didn’t made that up, swear) is this thing where you get the idea your wedding’s not good enough.
I’m sure we all feel like that at some point, the truth is it should not be a competition, you’re not doing this or that because it’s not what you want and even then you feel like you should do it just to make your wedding better.
I have no good advice as to how to overcome this, I feel the same sometimes but we should remember it’s just a party (wedding gods don’t kill me for this)what’s important is the meaning of it and how it reflects the love of the two people getting married.
You’re not alone sweetheart.
Post # 4
I know what you mean. I see pics of other weddings all the time and find myself comparing every aspect of their wedding to my future one. It’s easy to get caught up in the party, but I try to keep focused on the marriage aspect of it.
Post # 5
YES! lol I am on a budget so I will not get some of the things I want at the wedding. But hey, I’ll live. Hope you feel better about yours.
Post # 6
Oh my gosh, YES!!! A lot of gals I went to college with have gotten married over the past year and I get all upset looking at their decor. flowers, venues, etc. I have had to learn to take a step back and appreciate that the wedding Fiance and I are planning is about US and our love. We are not trying to duplicate or “one up” other couples…but still, I get that ache in my belly from time to time. You’re not alone!
Post # 7
On a related note I sometimes get “engagement envy” we haven’t tell (almost)anyone about our engagement (we have good reasons I promise) and his cousin and mine are getting married (his even announced it after our engagement), so I get a little jealous as they can talk about it with everyone while we have to act like nothing’s going on.
Post # 8
I understand! Everyone I went to highschool with, and their mother, are getting married around the same time I am and I’m typically NOT a competitive person but I’ve turned into this my-wedding-will-be-BETTER-than-yours bride.
I think some of it has to do with the fact that my step sister got engaged around the same time I did and I had to fight for attention with that.
Post # 9
I’ve been there, honey!! The very thought irked me so much that we ended up eloping, because we just couldn’t justify spending a fortune on putting on a big show.
Just stay focused on what your wedding is really about…. the decision to spend the rest of your life with your fiance. Your wedding doesn’t have to impress anyone. It’s your special day, for YOU and YOUR FIANCE. Everyone else should be there to support and encourage you — not judge and critique you.
Hold your ground and stay reasonable.
Remember: The wedding is one day that in NO WAY determines the quality of the marriage.
Post # 10
Envy/Jealousy is normal. but my friend who got married last year gave me the best advice while planning my wedding, she said don’t try to please others and don’t try to impress your guests, do what makes you and your Fiance happy. that’s all that matters. she said there will always be people who will criticize your wedding and the truth is that you can’t make everyone love your wedding. and my mom tells me the same she said even tho we’ll be feeding everyone, giving drinks, and providing entertainment all for free there will still be complainers who will talk shit after leaving the wedding.
but yeah bottom line is don’t worry about upstaging anyone’s wedding. as long as your day feels special that’s all that matters
Post # 11
I just watched (online) a wedding with a $125K budget for lighting, audio, and video production cost alone. It was huge and gorgeous. But as I watched it, I realized that I really preferred the tiny wedding (a dozen guests at the ceremony and luncheon, 60 at the at-home reception) we had. Every person at our wedding was someone who really cared about us and our happiness. In lieu of gifts, many of our guests gave us their time and talents–everything from providing the music to running the DIY fauxtobooth. I wouldn’t trade that for a million dollars’ worth of venue, decor, etc.
Post # 12
@2dBride: A big budget doesn’t always take away from a small, intimate wedding. 🙂
Post # 13
I dunno. My sister’s friend is getting married 6 months before me. She’s having an extremely lavish wedding in the islands, black tie, island hopping…..the works. I like going to her website to steel her ideas because I’m having a Destination Wedding wedding too and she seems to really have a hang on what people need to know, but I don’t really feel jelous…it’s so much hoopla for a wedding. I’m much more, eh..”come if you can, we’re not gonna hang out at the beach or go island hopping. You can wear whatever you want and there will be a fun mexican party!!!, if not..see you when I get back”..kinda additude. =) My friends sisters wedding seems like it will be amazing…out of this world, but I don’t think how much you spend on your cake and what you make your guests wear has any bearing on the memories. Nothing wrong with wanting first class all the way if that’s what you and your friends and family can afford! I sure wouldn’t mind attending her wedding if that were even in the realm of possibilities. Maybe I do envy her a little…she has a friggen SUV of a diamond parked on her finger and no expense will be spared on her wedding so ofcourse she’s having a wedding to be envied at least a little by any girl. One thing I’m not jelous of is her bridesmaids dresses. She’s making them wear dresses that look like hoohaas.
Post # 14
My fiance went to a friend’s wedding recently and he really spent a lot of money… definitely way out of our budget. I couldn’t attend, but my fiance had a good time and the wedding was lovely, but he was still pretty confident ours was going to be “better.” I think a better word would be “different.” 😉
Although he did joke to some of his other friends there “Daniel really screwed us over!” To which they replied “he screwed all of us over.” 😉 I think each wedding has it’s own charm and you shouldn’t be looking at it as a competition. What’s important is that you and your guests have a good time. We’re only inviting our closest family and friends, so I’m not really worried about “impressing” anyone. I suppose it’s easier when no one in your family is having or had a very lavish wedding.
I recently saw wedding pictures of my aunt’s wedding… it was a very small affair, a “hippy wedding” as she called it. She made her own dress and wore flowers in her hair… it was a simple outdoor reception. She said when her daughter saw the pictures she said “oh no mom, this won’t do! I want a big fancy wedding.” Of course fancy weddings are beautiful, but after looking at the pictures myself I really liked the simple sweetness of my aunt’s wedding. I wouldn’t mind if ours were more similar to hers.
Post # 15
Go read the blog Pratical Wedding. It really celebrates discovering who you are as a woman, who you are as a couple and celebrating that the way that fits you–whether that be in a lavish million dollar event or a small backyard BBQ.
Post # 16
Not really….although I think my opinion might be skewed. A couple we are friends with is getting married early next year and their 200 person lavish wedding is very much the opposite of our 60 person backyard reception. I’m pretty sure their budget is about double what ours is. But every time I talk to her, she tells me how she wishes she was having something smaller, but just can’t with the size of their families!
Bigger doesn’t always=better. And to be honest, as much time and attention as we spend on the flowers and decor and lights, etc….sometimes I wonder if anyone but us will even notice a lot of the stuff we spend so much on. The best weddings I remember are the ones where there was a special moment between the bride and groom, or where all our friends and family were together….