Does anyone else feel guilty for not enjoying pregnancy?

posted 2 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 48
Member
3199 posts
Sugar bee

I haven’t enjoyed pregnancy much so far, but I’m not feeling particularly guilty about it. I’ve felt borderline stomach flu-ish for 8 weeks, my work performance has suffered, my personal life has suffered, and I’m putting on weight and so bloated/uncomfortable/sleeping poorly. So yeah, I don’t feel guilty about not enjoying those moments. Maybe I’ll enjoy it more in the coming months, but to me you don’t have to enjoy pregnancy to appreciate your baby just as much.

Post # 49
Member
383 posts
Helper bee

Absolutely not. I hated it and said it loud and proud to anyone who would listen back in the day.

Guilty for what? My body was exploding, morning sickness was a constant bestie, pain, pain, pain, everywhere…it was awful.  I earned the right to bitch about it.

Post # 51
Member
1116 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Prettysmile40 :  I had 2 relatively easy pregnancies, although if I really think about them, they weren’t easy at all.

Back then one of my closest friends was desperately to have a baby and it never worked out for her, so I never felt comfortable saying/complaining much about my pregnancies.

Anyway, congrats on everything.

Post # 53
Member
911 posts
Busy bee

As a mother of a grown “kid”, I hope you will take this in the spirit it is offered…

Being a mother means feeling guilty about *something* all the time! 

I felt guilty because I had such an easy pregnancy compared to friends. Then I felt guilty because my labour was so traumatic that I never had another child. Then I felt guilty because I was a stay at home mom, and not “contributing”. When I started working, I felt guilty for missing every moment with my child….

Believe me, it never ends. 

Be kind to yourself, know you won’t be perfect, and know that what matters is that you love your child. (And even as a stranger on the internet, I can tell that you will)

 

 

 

Post # 54
Member
1116 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Prettysmile40 :  no, I think because I read too much, I don’t categorize my experience as unusual.

I complain a lot about everything, but not about my children. They truly are the best part of my life.  I guess I just look at pregnancies as part of the package. Like climbing up a tall mountain to see the sun rise, glad to do it.

Post # 55
Member
1593 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’m 5w today and the first week of pregnancy has been THE WORST. I bled a couple of times and have had spotting and cramping so I spent the whole time convinced I’d had a MC and basically freaking out. I’m still too scared to buy anything for baby or myself in case something goes wrong. We were TTC for 6 cycles and that caused so much anxiety I kind of assumed all the anxiety would stop when we did conceive. Nope…

Post # 56
Member
1665 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’m 23 weeks and you’re not alone. I’ve enjoyed parts of being pregnant but for the most part… Horrible. My husband wants two more.

I was so ill from week 6 to 13 that I stopped working. I then took off a few more weeks to oversee our home renovations but was often exhausted or constipated anyway. At 20 weeks I returned to working full time and within 3 days sciatica started. I have a bout of it that lasts a day or two at a time. I’ve missed work twice in 3 weeks. It’s embarrassing. 

I had a huge vein pop outta my butt hole too and I sometimes feel like she’s so low down that a foot might pop outta my vag. She’s breech and her feet were on my cervix in my scan. 

I am in pain more often that not tbh. Oh and I get horrible heartburn. And the leg cramps just started. 

I don’t feel bad for not loving it. I love my daughter a lot already and I feel bonded regardless lol. But I’m counting the days til I have my body back

Post # 57
Member
1868 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Took me a year to get pregnant with my son. I also had a miscarriage just before I fell pregnant with him which was all kinds of horrific and I was not at all prepared for. 

I HATED being pregnant. I was so anxious I was going to miscarry again. I was horrendously sick from week 4 through to week 20. I had a big baby and had horrible pelvic pain which I still get 12 weeks post partum.

turning over in bed was like being stabbed in the pelvic bone. I had reflux so bad that it woke me up every night from the burning pain and my gums bled constantly in my last trimester. 

Then I had him. It’s the hardest thing I have ever done, no question. The highs are so high but the lows are so, so low. Your body and hormones are all over the place. I struggled breastfeeding and still can’t feed without a nipple shield which made me feel like a failure. The sleep deprivation is sometimes so bad that I feel a little bit crazy. 

And yet, it’s all worth it. Every last second of pain and emotional turmoil is worth it. I’m nearly ready to start trying for my second child and will probably have another after that 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Im a very new Mum with a 13 week old but my advice is this: take care of your mental health as much, if not more than your physical health. Reach out if you need to, we are all in it together. 

Post # 58
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

My twin pregnancy was very difficult, but to be honest, it was a joke compared to how difficult the newborn stage was. The sleep deprivation, the crying, the colic….oh man, there were times I wish they were back inside of me! Of course, that hard stage eventually passed and of its all worth it in the end. 

Post # 59
Member
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

I didn’t mind being pregnant but I’m pretty sure it was mainly due to my age and a great support system. I was 15, teenage ignorance + parents that refused to provide any sex education + 21 yr old bf = dumb decisions. Moral of the story get over yourselves ffs and educate your kids about sex! Anywho. It was a comfortable experience. I had the best sleep of my short life, walked at least 2 miles a day, wasn’t really showing until month 7 and seeing my male friends at school worry over me was amusing. “Let me help you walk to class. Need water? Give me that bag!” I’m like dude I’m pregnant not dying I can totally manage walking, please relax. 🙄

Pregnancy was fine its the delivery process that was traumatic af for me. First I made the mistake of being present for a birth. My older sisters friend was like an aunt and having a girl. There was nothing beautiful, magical, enchanting or miraculous about that bs. The miracle of birth is a LIE. Long story short she was ripped from v to a and shit on herself before her daughter got here. It was a gross and horrifying 16+ hours of agony for her. Then they didn’t even wash off the crusty looking lizard like creature before they handed it over. lol Thinking of delivering is what gave me nausea and I pleaded with God every day to spare me that undignified and disgusting madness. Careful what you wish for. I ended up requiring an emergency cesarean bc my son was breech and I arrived at the hospital fully dilated to be yelled at by a nurse telling me I could have died. Well someone called mom was convinced that first deliveries take forever and refused to bring me to the hospital for the first two hours of labor even though I repeatedly told her something was wrong. There wasnt even time for me to get my own clothes off they just stripped me after immediately putting me out. Total labor was less than 3 hours. More than 20 years have passed and I’ve yet to receive an apology from that woman.

So while I had a fairly easy pregnancy I wouldn’t wish the delivery and recovery I went through on my worst enemy. Then I woke up high as a kite to marvel over my own little mini lizard/mr magoo and the world was ok. But I’ve never wanted another child and if I’m 100% truthful had I been allowed a choice at the time I wouldn’t have any children at all and no one could have made me feel guilty about that decision. Don’t feel guilty, everyones journey is different. If you’re having a rough time there’s nothing wrong with being honest about it. I hope things get better and wish you a healthy pregnancy moving forward. 🙂

Post # 60
Member
293 posts
Helper bee

Don’t feel guilty at all! My daughter was born in September and I enjoyed the first few months of pregnancy since I never got morning sickness, but after about 20 weeks I was over it. I’m pretty petite and gained almost 50 pounds and I hated the drastic changes going on with my body. I didn’t feel like “me” at all. I developed gestational hypertension at 30 weeks and was taken off work so I literally just laid around for the last 7 weeks of my pregnancy not being able to do much but have panic attacks about my scheduled c-section. We had quite a few complications (marginal cord insertion, breech baby, gestational hypertension and a surprise two uteruses…..) which made the pregnancy scary and I was admitted to OB triage almost every week in the third trimester thinking she was coming early. When she was born, she was quite small for being 37+4 (5 lbs) but thankfully she was healthy and we avoided NICU.  The whole experience was stressful not just for me, but for my husband as well. We are definitely waiting 3-4 years for a second one, and then we are done.

I have 4 friends who have babies/toddlers and not one of them enjoyed being pregnant. However, I will say that my daughter is an absolute joy and it was all 100% worth it. 

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