Post # 1
This is a subject i have been talking to a few people about – who have previously got married and it seems to be an on going issue.. GUESTS…the whole letting you down last minute thing! it drives me insane. We have less than 3 months to go now, so not long at al ( 15th feb ) and i feel a lot of guests do make up terrible excsues or just dont let us know either way! we are getting married a little bit of a distance – so i undestand that not eveyone cant make it..but it is affordable and we let them know in June the venue and date of the wedding so that was 8 months ago, plenty of time in my opinion. We are allowed 60 guests and i think we invited 65 – always over shooting as we knew this could be an issue after talking to other people. we now stand at 62. however I can bet 5-10 people will pull out last minute. I dont know, it just makes you feel a little bit annoyed, angry and upset as well as you want the day to be perfect. I just wondered if anyone else felt my frustration when it came to this? I am not niave and i know that not everyone can make it due to other comminitments, however I think when it comes to a wedding its only one day where you need to put yourself out for somebody else?
Post # 2
Mrstobe26: I’m a little confused, are you frustrated by the amount of people who can’t come? Or are you frustrated by the anticipation that people are going to RSVP “YES” and then not show up?
Regardless, having the expectation of everything being “perfect” is going to let you down no matter what the situation is. You also have to remember that yes, a wedding is a special day, but it’s a special day to you and your FI, not so much a friend. Sure, they want to celebrate this new step in your life, but their world doesn’t stop because of it. And I don’t think it’s fair to place that type of expectation on them.
Post # 3
I think you have to temper your expectations with a healthy dose of reality. Of course people will make sacrifices to share your wedding day with you, and most folks will be happy to do that. But when it comes to making commitments where time and money are involved, some folks simply can’t make those plans so far in advance, some folks have every intention of joining you but have last-minute complications, and some folks simply can’t dedicate their time and money to you. It doesn’t mean they love you any less. It just means that life sometimes gets in the way.
Also you have to let go of the notion that you’ve made it “affordable” to people and given them “plenty of notice” because your standards of affordability may be different than someone else’s, and regardless of someone’s financial situation, you’re asking someone to spend their money on you. The simple fact will always remain: your priorities will never be identical to someone else’s, and that’s perfectly ok. It’s okay for someone to choose spending money on their own vacation, or even a completely frivolous purchase, rather than spending the money on going to your wedding.
My advice: your wedding is not till February. Don’t even worry about who is coming and who isn’t till January. Accept that you will need to chase some people for their RSVP’s (that is human nature) and accept any declines graciously. It’s a wedding and not a subpoena. People are allowed to say No and it’s how you handle those NO’s that matters most.
Post # 4
I think your expectations are a little unreasonable to think everyone will be able to RSVP this early for a Sunday in Feb! Have your invites even gone out? Invite a view more people if your unofficial tally is looking low but relax!
Post # 5
Complaining about your wedding guests….it’s like saying teaching would be great except for the pesky students, or retail is awesome except for all those darn customers, haha! Every time you want to rip their head off, just remember how much you love them and are grateful to have them in your life. Remember the reasons you chose not to elope!
Post # 6
Mrstobe26: When is your RSVP deadline?
Post # 7
Your attitude is really going to ruin your wedding for you. People not coming isn’t something you can control. There is many reasons why even with a June STD that people can’t make it in Feburary. Unexpected expenses, work conflicts, weather conflicts, health and just burn out are all things that can happen to your guests. It doesn’t mean they don’t care, but they have to take care of themselves first. Appriciate everyone who can be there, and let go of people that can not be there.
Post # 8
Mrstobe26: I’m also confused at why you are upset. It sounds like you got 62 RSVPs? Are you afraid that some of the people who RSVP’d will change their mind?
I think that a low acceptance rate the chance you take having a Sunday wedding, especially one that involves some travel.
Post # 9
Mrstobe26: Be happy you have that many people who said yes. We had a semi-DW and we had over 50% decline. We invited 130 and had less than 60 attend all told (we had expected 75).
It sucks that people back out last minute, we had a few that really hurt for me, but the people who come are what matters and your wedding will be perfect regardless.
Post # 10
I know in my head that the No’s and no-shows weren’t a personal affront, but it is human to FEEL like they are.
<div style=”font: small/normal arial; color: #222222; text-transform: none; text-indent: 0px; letter-spacing: normal; word-spacing: 0px; white-space: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;”> </div>
Post # 11
There will always be last minute emergencies for some people. Those are understandable.
It is incredibly rude for guests to simply not show up and not have notified the hosts. It only takes a minute to make a quick phone call or text. Even in a legitimate emergency , one can almost always take that moment.
Post # 12
I agree with PP to try to lower your expectations now to avoid hurt later (easier said than done. :)) but I remember feeling like you and it did hurt when people either RSVP’d Yes and didn’t come or RSVP’d no and didn’t say why (I know, I know, not my business- people can do whatever they want, yada, yada, yada, I still wondered why though.).
Like others are saying, those closest/most important to you will be there, and if they aren’t as long as your DH is there, that’s all that matters.
It’s ok to have these feelings, you’re not the only one who felt this way and honestly sometimes I’m confused why there’s so much push back on a wedding support board.
I have come to the conclusion that even though I respond best to a “Yeah! I know what you mean! I felt like that, too!” response, a lot of Bees give you the devil’s advocate response to show you another side, or point out something that is intended to make you rethink why you’re upset.
To each his own I suppose. Public internet forums- you win some, you lose some! 🙂
Post # 13
Why are saying my expectations are too high?
We sent out save the date cards early this year, then the invites out in June/July..asking them to let us know by december 1st. giving us less than 8 weeks to the wedding then.
We went to the wedding cordinator meeting last week who was pretty pissed that we didnt know the numbers for sure yet..which is putty more pressure on us to find out the asnwer from some.
I think this post was just generaly about the frustration the guest list can cause, maybe more than I orginally thourght. I know certain people have said YES..yet they havent booked a hotel or transport so im not sure how they are planning on getting there, so really isnt there Yes a maybe?
I came on here to rant, so I didnt have to rant on facebook or to the guests haha.
in this im not couting ilnesses, deaths or any emergency or legit reason why someone cant come I’m talking about when people say ‘Maybe’ or let you down last minute and has anyone had the same kinda exepriance. Sadly my OH’s famiyl are the type to say i’m not coming on the day of the wedding as they are extrmely lazy out of control teenagers
Post # 14
julies1949: Thats what I’m talking about,rudeness, like some people havent even let me know they got their invite or let me know if they are coming or not, again thats just manners really
Post # 15
People have lives and although YOURS revolves around you and your wedding day, unfortunately it isn’t so for anyone else. Nobody cares about your wedding as much as you do, so you have to think of it more like a “party” to everyone else. People flake. It is what it is.