(Closed) Does anyone else feel like a baby-factory?

posted 9 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Yes!!! My fiance and I are getting married in September, We’re both 24, and his mom keeps throwing out phrases like "oh good, we’ll get to have a summer baby shower" Excuse me, WHAT?!?!.  Maybe she could throw some pressure on his older sister who has been married for 3 years and is 31!!

Post # 4
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

We are in the same boat. His parents don’t have any grandkids yet and my parents have my little nephew, but he lives out of the country and they don’t see him often. I took my mom to one of the cake tastings we did and she noticed they did babyshower cakes and she started talking about how she would order a beautiful cake from them for MY babyshower! AND she asked for copies of the pictures! We don’t plan on having kids for at least five years or so…so the comments are starting to get a little annoying, I’m starting to ignore them. They’ve been told we’re waiting whether they like it or not.

Post # 5
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Haha.  His mom told us that she’s not going to pressure us, but she would like a grandson (she has 2 granddaughters).  My parents think they’re too old to be grandparents, so they’re not really pushing us. 

My aunt however.  Grr.  She is one of those people who thinks that women were put on this earth to procreate.  It’s great that she loves being a mother and all but geez!  She is into co-sleeping, breastfeeding until the kids are 5 years old, all organic clothing, etc.  I told her that we weren’t planning on having any kids, and she looked like she was going to kill me. 

I am 30.  I would like to wait at least 5 years so we can enjoy being married, but I don’t know if I want to START having kids at 35.  Fiance says he’s ok with one kid.  I don’t want to raise an only child.  We are both ok with not having any, too.  We’ll see what’s in store for us.  🙂

Post # 6
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Nothing has really been said, but we have expressed that we want to start trying pretty soon after the wedding. But we are older. He’ll be almost 40 by the time of the wedding and I’ll be almost 33. We both love kids and can’t wait to have a couple. So we are kind of in a different place in our lives. We’re settled and ready for that step in our lives. On my side, my dad already has 6 grandkids. And on my fiance’s side, his parents have 4 (through marriage so they’re a little older) but his mom is itching to have a grandbaby since their grandkids came along when they were school age.But she’s been great about not pressuring us.

I would gentley (or not so gentley if it gets to that point)  tell anyone who asks: "When and if we’re ready for that step in our lives, we’ll let you know. Until then, we are enjoying being engaged/newlyweds."

By The Way, my 4 year old neice is putting on the pressure. Every time she goes to Target with my SIL, she wants to buy baby clothes for our baby (we aren’t pregnant yet)! 

Post # 7
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

We have made it clear to BOTH families AND all of our friends, we don’t intend to try for kids for at least 5 years. We are young! And we want to have a marriage before we have a family. Of course if something happened unplanned we would embrace the surprise, but we don’t even say THAT to family-members. They may hope, but addressing it so directly has kept nagging at bay…

Post # 8
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

We got told at Easter that we don’t get Easter baskets anymore until we start procreating. It was the first time his family has mentioned us having babies (let alone having sex) to us, lol. It was a little weird HAHA. Whereas my parents are telling me to wait, wait, wait. They are so adamant about me waiting they don’t even sound excited about the possibility of having grandkids in the next couple of years! Sorry, my uterus won’t last until i’m 27 to START having kids. I’m listening to my OBGYN on this one, not my mom and dad!

But yes, the pressure’s on. Oh and my FI’s best friend has talked openly about how they’re going to plot to knock me and my FI’s cousin (the best friend’s Fiance coincidentally) at the same time. I didn’t know that was a discussion to have! It makes me feel weird! ha

Post # 9
Member
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

About 2 years into our relationship my FI’s dad started badgering me about kids. We were actually at a wedding and he would NOT.STOP. Eventually I had to tell him "Listen, my uterus, my decision." Through other conversations I think he got the hint and he’s backed off considerably. Plus, my Fiance has told his parents that he wants to be debt free before we have kids. Well, he has $50,000 in student loans sooo it’s gonna be a while.

I think having an honest coversation with the respective parents is the best way to go. Remind them that they will be able to enjoy grandkids at any age (unless they’re like 80 now). Basically tell them exactly what you already said: you want to enjoy being married to your husband for a while! 

And you most definitely DO NOT have to quit your job once you have kids. If that’s what you want to do, then absolutely go for it. I think stay at home moms have the toughest job in the world. But if it’s more financially responsible to work (and keep your sanity) then you should.

Post # 10
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

No pressure. I mean sure I get the occasional shriek our of my mother who wants some little grandkids, but I am young (23) my parents are young (both 41) so they can wait. no big deal they will be around!

The Fiance and I have talked about having kids, and we talk about it alot. but we talk about it in the sense that we know when we are going to have kids – in and around the time we are in our late 20s/early 30s perhaps at least 5-6 years of being married. I want us to share our life together before sharing it with someone else as selfish as that sounds.

However that said – my family are baby makers, its scary. On both my mom and dads side there at 8 kids. my dads side is the largest though with nearing 110 family members (aunts, uncles, cousins, second cousins) its insane…I was an only child for 12 years so to have 1 kid I would spoil it to death and that would make me happy. I would be fine with 2, but oh please…I dont think I could handle more than that!

Post # 11
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

My mom wants us to wait until I live like…next door.  It’s ANNOYING to hear her plan MY pregnancy!  Hello??  It’s kind of my decision?  She wants us to wait for like 5 years, then move close by and have babies.  Sooooo not going to happen.  I’ll be grateful to give birth out of state!!  Not that we’re rushing to get preggers, but I’m not waiting for five years just to let my mom go all control freak on a new baby!

Post # 12
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

A friend’s husband used the line "well, we tried again this morning but it is too soon to tell" every time someone brought up the baby topic with them.  I’m not saying it’s an appropriate response- cause I was shocked to hear the story come out of her mouth, but she said it put a very quick end to the questions they got.

Post # 13
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

my family is italian and my FIs family is greek so you can imagine the comments we get! at every family thing i have a baby thrown in my arms and told "this time next year, it will be your baby"

little do they know that my Fiance does NOT want to be a father (i have no burning desire to be a mum either)  so i guess im going to have to create phantom fertility issues to shut them up at some point in the future

 

Post # 14
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We haven’t had too hard of a time from anyone yet (we’re young and poor!) but FI’s mom was talking about her knitting projects and said "Next I’m going to try making baby clothes!" and Fiance was like, "Who are you making baby clothes for, Mom?" and she says, very innocently, "Oh, just any babies i know."  We thought that was pretty cute.

Post # 15
Member
2143 posts
Buzzing bee

heh, luckily I haven’t had this problem really. My family has all asked me if we plan on having kids soon, but I’ve told them we plan on waiting awhile and they all seem just fine with that (I’m only 21!). Since they’re all mothers, I think they can understand. We have 2 two year olds in the family, so I don’t think anyone is pining for a baby at the moment. If an accident happens, we’d welcome it with open arms and smiles and never regret it, but it’s something we’re trying to avoid lol

Post # 16
Member
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

My Mother, God knows how much i love her, but she loves to tell me how she wants a little boy! She had all girls so her thing is always, I want a grandson, when are you going to give me a grandson? Geez, mom, we’re not even married yet, how ’bout you and dad try for a little boy? (They are still young enough to have more children!) I like to tease her a little bit back. I don’t mind the ribbing too much because I know she would like me to finish school and get established in my career, so I know she’s kidding. Sometimes though, I see that look in her eye when we see a cute little boy when we’re out. I’m sure it’s just a matter of time before she’s completely serious and on our cases.

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