Post # 1
I wasn’t thrilled about changing my name, but feel it’s important for a family to have the same name and it was important to FH. I didn’t want to give up my maiden, and dropping my middle name led to some problems (long story that’s not relevant) so I changed my name to MyFirst MyMiddle MyMaiden HisLast. At work, it would be extremely difficult to change my name and would likely hurt my career, so I still go by my professional name. On all non-work correspondance, I use MyFirst MyMaiden HisLast.
Here are the issues I am having:
1. When people ask me my name, I feel like they judge me when I use both my maiden and hisLast.
2. no matter what I do, people often leave out MyMaiden, and only about 5% of my mail is correctly addressed to me.
3. Using his name makes me feel like such an imposter. I will occasionally for stuff that doesn’t matter (like when I get my oil changed, I just give MyFirst HisLast), but it feels like someone else. I still feel like it is HIS name, not ours.
I changed my name 14 months ago. After over a year, I still have these issues. I know keeping my name professionally might not be helping, but that is an absolute last resort, and if I change and want to go back, it will be an absolute nightmare. Is this normal? Anyone else have these issues? Any suggestions on overcoming them?
Post # 3
Hmmm…I have some of these issues only I didn’t change my name. I don’t regret my decision but sometimes I’ll see stationary or something and get a little angst. I’ve begun to just try and see the humor in it. I think from your perspective, I might tell myself “yes I am an independent professional, and a wife, and someone who doesn’t very much care about what name is on an oil change paper”. And you can be all of those things at the same time. At the same time, I have to admit that I come from a culture that relies mostly on first names and where women never take their husbands last names so its a little easier.
Post # 4
I guess I see what you’re saying, but to be honest, I feel more uncomfortable, or like an imposter, when I think of that we’ll be “Mr. and Mrs. His Last Name”. Like, that’s his parents, not us! Also, he has a sister that just got married and took her husband’s name, so now there are still 4 His Last Name, but I’m one of them, she’s not. I think that’s just the nature of it though. As for me out in the world with His Last Name, I can’t wait. I look at New Year’s, new jobs, new names as a chance or opportunity to decide what I want to work on within myself and bring into the “new” with me. Meaning, there are some things I leave behind with my current last name, and I’m excited for it.
Post # 5
I’m not married yet, but I’m struggling with some of the same issues. I don’t really want to change my name as it would likely hurt my career, but it means a lot to FH that I take his last name. So I figured I’d probably do something like what you’ve done and go by my maiden name professionally and his last name in social circles, with my legal name being FirstName MyLast HisLast (dropping my middle). I understand that it’s kind of important to keep last names the same once you have kids (if that’s in the plan for you), but it does sort of suck (to put it bluntly) that we have this whole identity crisis thing to get through when we get married–it’s my name, it’s always BEEN my name, it’s who I am! In short I can’t offer much advice, but I can definitely commiserate.
Post # 6
I think it’s always weird when you first change your name…but if you think about it…you’ll have your new last name for longer than you had your maiden name in the grand scheme of things. It just takes getting used to because you’re not at that point yet. Sorry this doesn’t help with your professional name and mis-addressed mail, but hopefully it helps you when you feel like an imposter.
Post # 7
I think it is normal to change your name and I can’t wait. I was given my Oldlast name by my parents, but this time I have (somewhat) of a choice. God chose the perfet Newname for me this time and I am ready to change it. I will not have my Firstname Middlename Oldlastname and NewLast Name. I will totally drop mine and add his.
It doesn’t at all remind me of his parents. If it did, I would just remember that his mother wasn’t born with that name either. She had to marry into the family and take on the same last name…thats how she became who she is and how I will become who I am. So, bring on the NEW NAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Post # 8
@MuchGreater: that is exactly how I feel 🙂
Post # 9
I feel bad because I kinda don’t want his last name. FI’s full name is probably one of the most common names in the U.S. – which is a bummer, because his birth name/original last name was definitely one of the more unique last names out there (his parent’s divorced when he was very young and his mom re-married, but his real dad chose to disappear for the majority of his life so they changed FI’s last name to his stepdad’s last name).
My biggest reason for not wanting his last name is because my first name is kinda self-explanatory/cheesy – I can use an example if someone doesn’t understand what I’ve said (“FirstName, like the ____ “). If I take his name, which I’m planning to do, I will literally be able to use examples when I say it (FirstName like the ____ , LastName like the _____ ) and it gets REAL old when people are like “Oh, hehe… that’s cute.” I’ve been hearing it my whole life with my first name and I’m kinda bummed that my last name is going to be equally as lame. On the bright side, nobody should have to ask me “how I spell that” again in my life (unless someone is really, really unfortunately unintelligent). Other than that, I’m pretty excited to be Mrs. HisLastName!