Post # 1
bees, at risk of sounding incredibly rude i’m going to ask this! have any of you felt like your single female friends are becoming… for lack of a better word… pests?
here’s my story:
Fiance and I have been together for almost four years and pretty much since the day we met we’ve barely spent a day apart. ok that’s a bit of an exaggeration, we did live and work in separate cities about 2 hours apart for a summer in college, but having spent about 90% of our relationship living within a few miles of one another we really have never been the types to pass on hanging out together every single day.
since we began dating, my relationships with my girlfriends have become a bit slack which I’m sure some of you can relate to. this hasn’t really bothered me or them as far as I know. I tend to prefer the company of male friends in the first place and though I had a large circle of female friends I was never the type to be anyone in my college group’s total BFF.
since graduation, a lot of my college friends have dispersed across the country, but i have found that the few that remain in our college town with me are starting to get on my nerves.
not because they’re out living their wild child single lives, but because they always want to hang out with me. ok i know i sound like an a**, but when they want to hang out it’s usually an implied kind of “girl time” thing. I work full time and pretty much want to spend all my free time around Fiance. We often socialize with friends as a couple, but my single female friends obviously don’t invite “us” to hang out. they invite ME to hang out.
basically it stresses me out and makes me feel like a bad person when i keep dodging invitations. it’s not that i can’t spend time away from Fiance, it’s just that i’m a pretty big introvert and if i’m not going to hang out with Fiance I really prefer to be by myself not out having a girls night.
i’m sure this all sounds childish and petty, but i’m just wondering if anyone else is getting tired of their single friends and girls night out. i love a good party, i just really prefer that Fiance and i be treated as a unit.
Post # 3
@rawrrrrr: Just remember that if (God forbid) anything should happen…. They would be the ones you would lean on.
Post # 4
What they are doing is normal. Not to say that you are abnormal, but it is normal for single (AND married) women to want to spend time with their female friends.
I try to have a “date” with the girls once a month. I would never expect them to invite Fiance because time away from your man is normal and definitely needed once in awhile.
How old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?
Post # 5
I love girl’s nights. Can’t relate, sorry.
Post # 6
I think it’s all about moderation. I do “girls’ nights” but it’s not like every week or even every month. To be fair, most of my friends are not single, but even the single ones are not clamoring for girls’ only nights every week.
I think it’s acceptable to do it once a month or so. I think if they want it every week, that’s a bit much especially if you and your SO are working FT.
Post # 7
Totally! Definitely feel re-charged after them. FI says I usually come back in a great mood and have a better outlook on things after I’ve been out with them.
Post # 8
@rawrrrrr: I do understand where you’re coming from… I think people in their 20’s do tend to go through this shift at some point… where slowly, everyone gets paired off, and it goes from “time out with the girls” to “time out with other married couples.” That’s the way it is with most of FI’s and my friends now. When we want to make new friends, we prefer other couples because then we can do things as a group without having to spend our precious time apart.
And I totally get it! I know women in relationships that still really value alone time and time out and about away from their SO, but not me! Fiance works full time, and I work a lot of weekends, so time together is very precious to us! I much prefer to go out with friends with him than without him.
ETA: girls night once in a while is still very important to me! Every few months or so is about how often I would say I get to have these nights…. that’s about right as far as I’m concerned. I still get to go to lunch with my single friends/without SO’s while Fiance is working.
And we are 2 1/2 years in and still can’t get enough of each other! That’s one of many reasons I know that this is my forever relationship!
Post # 9
you have time for them if they are part of a couple?
Post # 10
- Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA
I think have girls time is necessary for a healthy relationship, but that’s just my opinion. I do think its awesome that you’ve been together 4 years and still can’t get enough of each other. That feeling faded much quicker for me, lol! I would make an effort at least once a month to do something with just the girls though. Otherwise, they may end up writing you off as a friend.
Post # 11
I can relate. I am also introverted so I think that might have something to do with it. Even when I hang out with girls that I have been friends with for 15+ years I’m not as comfortable with them as I am with Fiance. I would prefer to hang out by myself over hanging out with other people. That being said I do have a few very close friends that I keep in contact with and make an effort to hang out with every few weeks (even though I would prefer to just hang out along). They’re always there when I need them and I’m always there when they need me.
Post # 12
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I don’t feel this way at all, because I know that right now, even thought I love hanging out with my Fiance above anyone else, I will need other friends in the future in order to be happy. It’s too much pressure to be all the close friends someone has- I saw it with my parents, and it’s didn’t go well for them. Plus, having him there all the time would really stifle my independent growth and experiences, which I expect to continue throughout my life, and would be annoying for my friends because it would limit what they would do and talk about
Post # 13
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
I also can’t relate. I always make time for girl time with my girlfriends. Even when DH and I go home to visit the parents, I have girlfriend time with just my girlfriends, especially my best friend. DH will either hang with my brothers, his parents (who are pretty close by) or his guy friends.
Post # 14
i’m sure this all sounds childish and petty
Yes, it does. You should have a social life outside your guy. You never know what will happen. If you end up single you will be making plans with them all the time. I think it’s totally normal to want to hang sans men, especially if I am single. I’m friends with you not him & it gets annoying to always have the husband dragged out. You should be able to handle a few hours a month away from him.
Why don’t you just tell them ‘please only invite me to things where I can bring my guy.’ Just be direct. Don’t expect many invites tho.
Post # 15
I think it’s sweet that they keep inviting you even though you keep dodging them.
Post # 16
Man, I WISH I had this problem! All of my close friends have moved away, and I almost never get to see/spend time with them. I keep in touch via Facebook, but I would kill for a girl’s night. The one kind-of girlfriend I had was a male friend’s girlfriend, and when they broke up, she stopped returning phone calls/e-mails. Guess he got DH and I in the “divorce” (so to speak).