(Closed) does anyone else feel like this about their single friends?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 167
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

While many have said you weren’t being nice, I’ll help you out. Laughing  I do understand why some people may say that you were being petty, because it IS important to spend time with your girl friends.

 

I do, however, understand your side too. Most of my close friends are single. And I feel like they want to hang out with me all the time. As a full time education student as well as working 20-25 hours a week, tutoring once a week, and substitute teaching once or twice a week, I am busy. I do enjoy spending my free time relaxing with the Fiance. And sometimes I DREAD hanging out with the girls, simply because it usually entails getting dressed up and going somewhere. And more importantly, listening to the single stories of this boy and that boy. I mean no disrespect to that, but I’ve always been a serious relationship type of gal. And I’m just past that stage of my life. So I don’t really care to hear about the three different guys you’re texting. It’s just stupid and very teenager-ish to me.

 

With that being said, I always just smile and try to listen and be a good friend. I just figure that they listen to my wedding junk and they can’t relate to that either.

Post # 168
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Women should not completely lose their individual identities once they marry. Part of being individuals is nurturing the emotional connections made before marriage.

Your friends care about you and want to see you. That is a part of friendship.

If you keep dodging invitations and making your whole life only about your husband, you will not have friends. What will you do if there is a divorce or when your husband dies?

Post # 169
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

While I see a lot of what the PPs are saying as reasonable, as a person who had, knows and works with people who have social anxiety disorders, I know this can be really draining. As someone who has struggled with social anxiety in the past, let me tell you I understand where you are coming from.

I get being introverted. I especially need alone time to myself, and thankfully my Fi is very understanding of that. We were independent people when we met, and we will be independent people when we marry. Most people dont know this, but I literally have to push myself to be social, in order to experience life, the world, even be outside on a sunny day. I just rather stay at home and paint and be able to have a glass of wine. My career is constantly opening myself up to tons of different people. Sometimes its nice to shut the world out. 

People are precious. Balance in life is really important. Your Fiance cant be your everything. At the same time though, if you cant push your boundaries to put yourself in mutliple social settings in a month, I understand. Have you thought about just meeting with friends one on one? I found when I was breaking out of my shell in college this helped me a lot. It also made me appreciate and cherish my friendships more because it usually meant I got to know my friends alot better and got closer to them.

 

Post # 170
Member
7813 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@rawrrrrr:  I don’t have single friends anymore. I am over the stuff they like to do (clubs, parties, bars, etc.) and I prefer to spend my time with my Fiance and my family (though we do have couple friends that we socialize with). I don’t fault folks for it or think they are pests, but I am in a different stage of life and as such have moved on from friendships like these.

Post # 171
Member
1263 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@rawrrrrr:  I 100% feel the same way you do. I am also an introvert and would rather be alone or with my guy than with my friends. My best friend and I have been besties since we were literally 2 years old, and the other best friend since Kindergarten, and I STILL don’t feel as comfortable with them as I do with my Fiance. When I am out with my friends I still feel awkward even though its been 20 years.

I just prefer being alone, and have ALWAYS been that way. Don’t let people on here get you down…  you are totally allowed to be an introvert!  There is nothing wrong with wanting to be alone or with your guy. 

I feel bad that I always turn my friends down, and am afraid that they will stop asking eventually… but I just really am too tired lots of the time or just don’t feel like it. I feel like its SO much work being out with friends, since I have to try hard not to feel awkward.

Post # 172
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I have female friends who are not single, and we don’t always hang out with our men together. I try to make time for my friends. I think I need to talk to other females. I am also a bit of an introvert, but that is not true around people that I know. It is a bit unhealthy to get too wrapped up in a relationship with a man. Many females lose themselves in their relationships, and they end up looking and sounding crazy because of it. There is nothing wrong with spending time with your man, but your friends need you, too. You may turn around and see that you have lost some really great people in your life if you don’t. Plus, a little absence can make the heart grow fonder!

Post # 173
Member
1034 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Gosh, I wish I had female friends who would invite me out for girls nights! All my friends are coupled up, for the most part.

Post # 174
Member
547 posts
Busy bee

I’m an introvert too, and I’m not big on “girls night” stuff either. It’s waaaaay too much. I’d rather hang out and get drinks with 1 or 2 of my friends, not all of them at once. 

If you want to preserve your relationships with your friends, invite them out 1-on-1 and let them know that group things stress you out so they know you’re not purposely choosing your SO over them.

Post # 175
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@rawrrrrr:  Honestly, I think you’re doing a disservice to yourself. Don’t get so wrapped up in your Fiance that you abondon your friends. The people I see the most unhappy are the middle aged couples who don’t have any friends. At the rate you’re running, that’s where you’re headed. I can understand not wanting to participate in clubbing or “single life behavior” but making time for yourself and your gf’s is very healthy for your relationship.

Post # 176
Member
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MrsJX3:  agree !00%

And even if something never happens – what about those nights you just need some girl time? If you keep dodging them, they’re going to give up on you too, and when you want to be with them, they’ll dodge you too.

Post # 177
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@rawrrrrr:  I understand where you’re coming from as I’m an introvert myself, but it is good to still keep in touch and see your friends. I think the only implication of “girls night” that would make me upset is if they were trying to gossip about my relationship and what we do (i.e too personal). As mentioned before, your good friends are going to be the ones there for you when either your other half can’t or if something went wrong in your relationship (of course I would hope not, but hypothetically). 😀

Post # 178
Member
1301 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

God. I would HATE if I invited a friend to do something and she always wanted to bring her Fiance to everything. You’re lucky you still have friends who invite you places. 

Post # 179
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I love my husband, and I love spending time with him… but it’s nice to have girl’s night and I would never want DH to be invited to that when my friends are single. That would be awkward.

Post # 181
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I feel JUST like you

I don’t have any thing in common with my wild child friends any more…they are single, acting like they are still 18, and our lives don’t align at all. I think it’s natural to be more introverted as you get more settled down, I mean, honestly, I get when people say not to be a shut in and all, but I work over 50+ hours a week and I don’t usually care who’s seeing who and what bar they are hitting. My weekends are special times for my husband and I to spend together and relax. Not to mention that we own a house too, which the single friends have NO idea how to relate to. 

I think it’s safe to say that us married young girls need to focus on finding friends who are married too. Because our wild child single friends are troublesome.

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