(Closed) does anyone else feel like this about their single friends?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 122
Member
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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@WillowTreeWade:  I’m just curious, then…  What’s the difference between “girl time” spendingg time with friends?

Post # 124
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

If anything Ithink you’re in the wrong here. You need a life outside of your Fiance…

Post # 125
Member
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s your life,  you should spend it however makes you happy.

I can sort of relate in that I don’t like meeting new people.  But my best friends in the whole world were around wayyyy before my husband was in the picture, and I value my time with them.  I wish my one bestie lived closer so we could do girl stuff 🙁

Post # 126
Member
865 posts
Busy bee

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@Junip3r:  In my mind, the only difference is that you only have female friends present

Post # 127
Member
865 posts
Busy bee

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@distracts:  no kidding! Once I think about it, it actually made me feel bad for her. The relationships she is clearly missing out on. The woman in my life have amazing bonds, no need for small talk or drama. I am wondering if the one who made the comment isn’t quite young, I may have felt more that way in my early teens

Post # 128
Member
85 posts
Worker bee

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@WillowTreeWade:  I agree. Not all women are into drama and I find it a little sexist honestly to make claims that all women are into that. Y’know what, there are also some guys who are dramatic too. I feel bad for the friends here who are being treated like annoyances when they’re just trying to reach out to their friend.

Post # 129
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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@FisherQueen:  +1000000

I have also found that it’s beneficial for my emotional/mental health to have a variety of friends (single, in a relationship, married, etc.). You are going to go through phases in life where one phase your single friends will get, another phase your in a relationship friends with get and so on. Unfortunately, OP, you seem dead set against having any type of friends outside the Fiance. Please just do everyone a favor and tell the “pests” how you really feel. Don’t worry – they will just reach out to someone else who doesn’t have this kind of attitude about girls’ nights. In the meantime, please pray that nothing ever happens between you and the Fiance. It’s going to be a very lonely road for you if something should happen. 

Post # 130
Member
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@rawrrrrr:  If you ever break up, the couple friends may very well drop you. I have never experienced this but I am told it happens frequently. My ex described himself as an introvert and really did not want to socialize with his friends, whether or not he was with me or not. He had no social circle. We broke up around 6 years ago and I don’t believe he has had a single date in 6 years.

Post # 131
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Is the OP even going to come back?

Post # 132
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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@distracts:  @WillowTreeWade: I found that post extremely offensive as well. Internalized misogyny is something I have zero patience for and something I call out whenever I see it.

In my life, I’ve actually found women that say what the PP did to actually be the problem themselves not their friends. That’s all I will say on the topic. I just hope that this mentality changes for the posters’ sake down the road. 

Post # 133
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Is it that you don’t want to hangout with the girls or is it that you don’t want to do what they are doing?  I think you’re lucky to have friends who keep inviting you even though you turn them down.  We moved for FI’s new job about a year ago.  He makes friends easily and works with people his age.  They are a nice group and always friendly to me, but I haven’t made any of my own friends (even within the group, we don’t do a “girls only” night or event).  I work with people older than me and making friends for me has always been a long, difficult process.  I’ve always been envious of those who make friends easily.

Maybe instead of doing a “girls night” you should do other things with your friends.  You could do lunch or go shopping.  I know girls who don’t like to go out to bars or be out a long time without their SO, but they still do other “girls only” things and maintain their friendships with other girls, whether they are single or not.

Post # 134
Member
296 posts
Helper bee

I am newly single (boo), and this is not what I expected when I opened the post. LOL

When I was in a relationship, I couldn’t stand the single friends that would invite you out for “girl’s night”, and a massive group of dudes would tag along without another woman in sight! That, to me, was very disrespectful. Or the single friends who just didn’t understand you not cancelling your plans with your SO/FI on your date night (we were both soldiers with CRAZY schedules…so Friday was our only time to look each other in the face.) every.single.weekend.

However, when it was a “real” girl’s night, I had SO. MUCH. FUN. We did girl stuff: pedicures, lunch, dumb chick flicks that I can’t even stand, and would just do a bunch of harmless gossip. And let me tell you, when my friends got stationed other places, or got out of the military and went home, I was very lonely and devastated.

I think you should spend SOME time with your friends. Not every weekend because that’s (potentially) disrespectful to your Fiance, but your friends wanting to be around you isn’t annoying and I don’t see what is so wrong with you hanging with them and enjoy getting mud masks with your girls.

Post # 135
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee

i can relate to a certain degree. i am an introvert and often do best with one-on-one time. coffee or a meal with a girlfriend is often very healing and empowering. however, when there are multiple people where it is more of a party atmosphere, it makes me so anxious i’d like to crawl in a hole and hide – furthermore the peer pressure that comes along with it just makes me feel bad about myself.  i recognize and appreciate feeling wanted but i also feel trapped/uncomfortable when people put pressure on me when i am not feeling up to it.

yesterday, i was having lunch with a few girlfriends and they all said, when they are feeling sad it makes them feel better to be out dancing and drinking – that really hit home for me that people can be very different. those types of activities would be my worst nightmare when i am upset – i have to feel really strong and happy to go and be “out there” like that.

in a relationship, i also tend to just fall in a hole but i do recognize this isn’t really healthy. i think it has to do with feeling anxious and wanting to be in a familiar, safe situation which can often require a certain level of intimacy that most friendships do not offer. that said, i do agree that no one person can ever meet all of person’s needs and this usually leads to the risk of exhausting the partner.

i agree with a PP who suggested doing smaller things like lunch/coffee/shopping with your gfs – that way you can still keep in touch but have time for both your bf and your friends.

i think that this is a good example that different people have very different needs and i think it is best to try not to judge people because inherently everyone has their own experience/needs/fears.

 

Post # 136
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee

It stinks that you are frustrated, but it might be good for you to consider trying to fit in both girl time and couple time.  No, you should not accept every invitation they offer, but you probably don’t want to reject them all.  It can actually be bad for your personal mental health and your relationship if you DON”T remember that you are NOT a unit.  You are an individual.  You may be part of a team, but you are a team member, not two people rolled into one.   It’s healthy to spend time on your own.  Co-dependency can cause serious problems later down the road, so you might want to avoid that. 

The topic ‘does anyone else feel like this about their single friends?’ is closed to new replies.

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