Post # 1
About two days ago, my boyfriend and I received an invitation to a wedding of one of his high school classmates.
It was addressed to Hisfirstname Hislastname & Guest.
A little backstory:
-We have been dating for 3 years (we’ve been together longer than the couple getting married!)
-The bride has known me since before me and SO started officially dating.
-SO and I have lived together for 2 years, and the bride is well aware of this.
-Me and the bride have many mutual girl friends in common and have actually hung out 10+ times when my SO wasn’t even there.. and probably more than 50 times when he was there.
I find it rude. For one, we’ve been living together (and thus an established couple) longer than they’ve even known each other. I just find it such a double standard that because we aren’t officially engaged or married we are treated as “less” of a couple. Also, it’s not like she would have had to look up my name since our names are about 2 letters apart. Even if she did, we are friends on Facebook and I’m listed on SO’s facebook so it would have taken approximately two seconds! I was planning on taking a day off from a fairly new job to go to her wedding, but I’m seriously reconsidering if it’s worth it.
ETA: It was suggested I add this from one of my updates to the original post: I think the only thing that upset me was that two of the other girls I’m friends with got invitations addressed to both them and their SO, so it kind of feels personal? One of the girls has been with her SO for about 2 years, but he lives in London and has never met the bride and the other girl has been dating her BF for about 4 months.
Post # 3
@RockyTop15: Its rude. When I sent my invitations out to a couple that was not married but I knew they were dating for a long period of time I addressed it to the following
Ms. Jane Smith & Mr. John Brown (Not acutal names just an example of what i did)
ANd the fact that you knew her before your SO, eekk, I would be upset too!
Post # 4
@Daizy914: I didn’t know her before I knew SO, but me and SO were just friends for a little over a year before we started dating and I knew her in that time frame.. So, yeah.. I’ve known her for 4 years and not just in the context of mine and SO’s relationship.
Post # 5
@RockyTop15: It’s rude. The only time I put “guest” on my invites is if we truly did not know who the person would bring. If they know your name they should have used it.
Post # 6
@RockyTop15: It’s “rude” but they could just a) be ignorant to wedding ettiquette or b) they could have been too lazy to look up everybody’s SO’s so they just put “& Guest”
Post # 7
Yeah I’d be a little annoyed by this. I only put “& guest” on people’s invitations that were single (everyone got a +1) or who I knew were in a relationship but it hadn’t been very long. Ex: one of my friends just started dating a guy a couple months ago, well she’s not known for staying in relationships very long so I put “& guest”. Serious relationships (engaged and not engaged) were addressed to both parties.
Post # 8
@RockyTop15: oh ok, sorry my mistake, I misunderstood—but still the point is SHE KNOWS YOU! She knows your name and its not like you have been dating for a month or two. You live together! and have been together for 3 years. SHe should have acknowledged you on the invitation!
Post # 9
I have to go against the majority here.
- It’s just a piece of paper, I will never understand why people get so bent out of shape over it
- Sorry, but people break up/separate all the friggin time. While I was in the planning phase, several of our groomsmen had serious gf’s that they ended things with. I addressed everything moving forward with “& guest” because there’s no way I could have guessed their next flavor of the week.
Post # 10
Im thinking she just wanted to treat unmarried couples the same and put & guest for that purpose. I don’t know if I would take a day off from a new job for this wedding despite what the invite says, anyway.
Post # 11
@RockyTop15: While I understand that you are upset by this, I voted that it wasn’t rude for a particular reason. Unless you know for sure, you can’t assume that they were the ones that put the invitations together/addressed them.
I’m engaged, and I got an invitation from a girl that I work with that was addressed to me and guest. I’ve been engaged longer than her, and she obviously could have easily have gotten his name from me at work. However, when I got the invite, the RSVP was addressed to be returned to her parents in a different state which told me that she probably didn’t have much to do with actually putting them together.
Now obviously everything I said is null if you know that they personally sent out the invites. I still don’t think though that anyone meant to slight you. They might have just put and guest on everybody’s to make it easier for whatever reason. Or what if they thought you might not be able to come and wanted him to feel like he could bring a friend so that he wouldn’t have to go alone so they made it more general as ‘guest’? In the end I don’t think anyone intentially meant to slight you by doing it, so I wouldn’t spend too much energy getting upset at them over it.
Post # 12
@Mrs_Amanda: You said it better than I could.
This is one of those things that one shouldn’t spend their time worrying about.
Post # 13
It’s rude but she was probably just being lazy. She may have not even been the person who addressed the invitations.. Yeah it’d irk me too but it’s something to let go.
Post # 14
I wasn’t particularly upset by it, I just don’t really feeling like making the effort of taking a day off from work and traveling to another state if she can’t bother to look up my name haha.. I think the only thing that upset me was that two of the other girls I’m friends with got invitations addressed to both them and their SO, so it kind of feels personal? One of the girls has been with her SO for about 2 years, but he lives in London and has never met the bride and the other girl has been dating her Boyfriend or Best Friend for about 4 months.
ETA: I’m not like crying myself to sleep at night or anything.. and I’m pretty much over it. I just wanted to know if my initial gut reaction of being offended was too much? I think SO was more offended by it than I was.
Post # 16
No, man, thats rude. I would only put and guest if I didn’t care who the other person brought. Like i would feel that she would want your bf to bring anyone BUT you. Thats how it seems to me