(Closed) Does anyone else get irritated that your fiance isn’t very involved?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Hell I get happy!! M drives me crazy because he has an opinion about everything.  I get sooo excited when he doesn’t have an opinion it means it’s my thing.  For instance my venue search has been dragged out because my wonderful fiance doesn’t like any of the 10+ venues we’ve seen, but we have narrowed it down to one favorite and hopefully will be booking them next week after viewing them.

Post # 5
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

My Fiance actually has been great about helping me plan! We have a short engagement (5 mo) and part of the agreement was that he would help. This, however, is not as great as it seems. While I love getting help (and, initally we cut the work 50/50) its taken a lot of time to explain why I want to have a guest book and why I want a decent photographer and why I want centerpieces and things like that. Most of the time he just decided that its important because its important to me and leaves it at that.

He actually was the one to go out and find our photographer! He understands why we want a photographer… But I’ve had to explain why we need a photographer for more than an hour or two many times… we’ve compromised and are having one for 4 or 5 hours (which is fine since we’re doing a short ceremony at the reception location) but its been difficult.

Theres also been us just having completely different time lines. We did sit down and make a timeline and have, for the most part, stuck to it. However, I want to work ahead in the timeline (since we’re also in our final semester of college- our wedding is two days before graduation) and want to get things done while I don’t have papers to write… But he gets things done later than that. And if I ask about it, he gets stressed. I can’t even bring up the topic of groom/groomsmen apperel… and I can’t pick that.

Anyway, all of that was to say that while doing it all yourself has some downsides- the other side has its battles too. For the most part, we’ve been fine and we’re happy with our decision, but I just wanted to share how both sides have their difficulties.

Post # 6
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am kind of in the same situation–my FI’s response is usually a shrug or “whatever you like” unless I bug him enough that he gives me an actual opinion. We talked about it, and we just have different ways of approaching planning something. I like to spend a lot of time researching all my options and then making a final decision. He likes to look at two or three options and then make a decision right away. So we decided I would do most of the legwork in researching stuff, I narrow it down to two or three things that I like, and then bring him in to ask his opinion. So far it’s worked okay, but it’s a struggle not to getting annoyed that he’s not as organized (or anal/obsessive, whichever word you prefer, lol!) as me ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

The lack of involvement didn’t bother me too much (I liked knowing I could make most decisions without his input) but his lack of enthusiasm did get to me a few times. I had the distinct impression that if I said “forget the wedding, let’s just live in sin forever” he would have been happy. But on the day he loved the wedding, as I hoped he would! The way I dealt with him was to book a monthly (in the beginning) then weekly (closer to the date) meeting and run through things, presenting 2 or 3 options for him to decide from. He was never going to want to do actual research but was more than happy to choose from a picture, to taste the cake, etc ๐Ÿ™‚ Places like weddingbee and talking to my planning committee (aka my girlfriends) really helped keep my spirits up too!

Post # 9
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I do get frustrated when Fiance isn’t as involved, but then again, I’m kind of obsessive, so I have to understand that he isn’t as into this as I am. When I ask his opinion, he does let me know exactly what he thinks and sometimes he has a suggestion or two. He was good enough to come to a bridal show with me (where he was one of about 5 grooms and almost every vendor had a comment). And he is going with just his brother weekend after next to get his tux! But really, it’s like I do the research and then he either agrees or disagrees with my ideas. I explained to him that I wasn’t going to have an “insert groom” wedding and he has more of a job than to just show up.

I think it was on Martha Stewart that a bride asked what she could do to get her groom more involved in the planning, and MS just said “You should be excited, because now you get to do whatever you want!” WTF? This is supposed to be day for BOTH the bride AND the groom. If I wanted to have a day just to myself, I would be using all of this money to plan a kick-ass birthday party!

Post # 10
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Mine is too consumed with Call of Duty: Modern Warfare to pay any attention to wedding planning or anything to do with it and then if I do get his attention all I get is “I dont know ask my mom”

Post # 11
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@SaraRocks: yeah that MS quotation is kind of ridiculous. Way to perpetuate the idea that the bride does everything to plan the wedding and the groom just shows up.

Post # 12
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

When FI’s best friends got married he made it clear that when we get married he will have just as much say in the wedding planning as I do. His one friend complained about not having much say in the wedding and Fiance saw his other friend literally get his say taken from him (the bride went through and changed the colors and what not for the suits). So ever since then he has gone on about how there is no wedding without the groom and how they should have just as much say. Well now that we are engaged and planning a wedding he only wants to have a say in the fun stuff like favors, colors, ribbon wands, and little extra do dads. While I do all the grunt work with pricing and searching for our venues. We have gotten into….well not arguments but discussions about how frustrating it can be when I ask him to call a place or something simple like that and he’ll put it off for so long that I have to do it myself. Yet he wants to have say over all the little details before we are there.

I want to have him involved because it is his wedding too. And I don’t mind making decisions myself but i do find it a little frustrating when he doesn’t have any input or puts forth effort. He has made effort to help a little.

Post # 13
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Shannon – My Fiance is obsessed with Call of Duty! Because of that game, I know the words spawn camper, sniper, and newb tube (I don’t know what this last one means and would like to keep it that way!).

Post # 15
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Sara hahaha I know exactly what you mean!!! I get woke up in the middle of the night because I can hear him yelling to his friends “Camper Camper”, “Reload Reload” or some various of that

Post # 16
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Its very common for a man not to get all happy and excited about ‘planning’ anything nevernind wedding.  We have been dreaming of this our whole lives so we are more involved and want everything perfect.  He did register with you though which is good, some people I know registered themselves.  Im grateful that my Fiance has been alot of help and its nice when they disagree with us that way they feel good about having a say in it too

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