Post # 1
First time poster, but I have been reading your wonderful posts here for a while now! While reading through the boards, I noticed that a lot of you picked out your own ring, or had a lot of input. I was just curious to see how many of you out there had little to no input in the ring and engagement as a whole?
My SO is very traditional and believes he should pick out the ring on his own and plan the proposal so everything is a surprise for me. He doesn’t even like talking about getting engaged because he wants it to be a surprise. He does know what I like because he’s found sneaky ways to ask. And last month he said I could show him a picture. Prior to that, we could talk about being married and having kids but not getting engaged ( I know weird). Now he has opened up a little bit about it (but not nearly enough!) and said “he’s going to do it soon” whatever that may mean.
Anyways, I’m just curious to see if any other Bees have gone/are going through the same thing. I have read a lot about how many were included in every detail and knew when it would come. So ladies, have any of you had a traditional SO? Who wanted to completely surprise you of everything?! I know it’s tough to have no control of a situation and I’m not really sure what to do anymore. Just looking for some advice for a patiently waiting Bee… who’s going a little crazy over here!
Post # 3
SO wants to surprise me with a proposal, but asked for my opinion on a ring. I knew he wouldn’t be able to just walk into a store and pick something out so I told him what cut of diamond I like, how much I HATE yellow gold (no offense if you like it), etc. I’m letting him pick out the rest. Now, if only he would hurry up!
Post # 4
@EmilyJoy: Hang in there!! My SO is pretty traditional, and was originally determined to pick out the ring and do everything on his own. When he went to the jewelry store, he was a bit overwhelmed. I also never EVER wear rings, so he didn’t have much to go off of. When we talked about ring styles, he mentioned that he thought solitaires were classy. I said I wasn’t a fan and I wanted a ring that had more details that fit my personality and I was pretty persistent that I really should love the ring I will be wearing every day and suggested we look at styles together. SO decided he wanted me to be happy with the ring and I would have input in picking out the style of ring that I want. But SO will pick the exact ring and do a surprise proposal. It was a compromise for both of us. If your SO really wants it to be a complete surprise, make sure he knows the exchange policy so that you can switch out the setting if necessary.
Feeling a lack of control is hard, at least it is for me. Try to remember that you still have control of almost every aspect of your life still, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Have you heard of Mr. Bee’s plan? I have found it helpful. Good luck!
Post # 5
@arsing89: That is funny b/c that sounds just like me! I made sure to let him know absolutely no yellow gold. It just doesn’t look pretty on me. He knows the cut I want, so I figure between the two he should be okay hopefully. His mom knows exactly what I want so she’s told him too. I hope you get your surprise proposal soon!!!
@HeartsandSparkles: See now that is exactly what I would like. Just to look at some things together. It sounds like you two really came up with a good compromise to make you both happy! I showed him a style of ring I like and I know he has checked out some rings I bookmarked. I don’t wear a ton of jewelry, just a few pieces that I wear every day. I was feeling a bit nervous because he got me earrings for my birthday but couldn’t even pick those out on his own!
I am with you, this lack of control is difficult for me. I used to have a little inside information, until his mom screwed up and is no longer involved in any aspect of the proposal. I do know that there is only one store he will go to and he knows I want him to make the ring custom (i.e. pick out setting and diamond himself at least). He also told me in December, (when I said I felt like it was never coming) “I can tell you it’s not coming in December, but it’s coming soon” So whatever that means. He wants to be excited and plan everything I think that is cute… But maybe a timeframe would be helpful… haha. Thank you for the wonderful words of wisdom!
Post # 6
SO definitely thought the whole proposal thing was supposed to be completely a surprise and that he’d completely pick out a ring on his own, no help. And that’s kind of how it’s going, so I guess I’m in a close situation to you.
He tried fishing for my ring size a few times. I told him I’d go get sized. He said “good, give me your size now so you can forget about it and it’ll be a surprise.” Which I was fine with. That was back in September. As if I’d forget we had the conversation.
One night not long after I showed him a page of rings and said there is one on here that I like the style of. He showed me which one he thought it was. It was the same one I would have picked.
That’s all I have. No major information. No idea if he has the ring, has talked to the folks. Just a nervous/excited energy as I hope it comes in the next 4-6 months I can get a year to plan, as we’ve already narrowed down an idea of when we’d want to get married and I told him I’d like the summer with him to get some big details out of the way.
Best of luck!
Post # 7
I had essentially NO input into my ring or my proposal and both are amazing.
Last december, SO (at the time) and I were looking at watches – I wanted one for Christmas. He took me to various jewelry stores and started pointing at rings as well as watches. I kind of ignored him because we hadn’t really talked about engagement per se. He kept pointing at solitaires; I siad I didn’t really like them as that is what my BFF has and they just aren’t really my thing. He took me specifically to a store that specializes in antique/estate jewelry and said he thought I would want something like that. I confirmed that I would love an antique/vinatage ring. That was the only conversation we ever had about the ring.
I knew a proposal was coming – he’d told me to start researching venues (we’re having a Destination Wedding because his family lives in Scotand). I had no idea WHEN it would happen though or where or how. much earlier, I think during a movie or something I may have expressed my hatred of a public proposal (restaurant, sporting event, etc). But that’s it. No talk of timing. No talk of where. No talk of how.
The proposal was wonderful and fantastic. The ring is amazing (i’ve posted it all over WB). I trusted him and he did an amazing job 🙂
Post # 8
@EmilyJoy: My Darling Husband did that…he totally surprised me, from the proposal to the right, i had no idea at all that engagement was even in his mind, i know we always we wanted to get married, but i thought we would just go to the Court house and get it over with lol….one night after i came from work, dinner was ready (which it wasn’t a surprise to me b/c he does this) and then next thing i know he is down on one knee and asking me to marry him….i loved it all, including the ring. Its soooo me. Its a princes cut 1.5ct….and again i love it, i didn’t even know he knew my taste in jewelry. You can through hints thou so he knows what yours style is, but dont be to direct, so he can still surprise you
Post # 9
SO knows what kind of ring I want, that’s it. He wants to surprise me. It’s not going to be on a holiday, he’s against that because he said “it’s expected by a woman to get engaged on a holiday”. He wants it to be a surprise. He’s good with surprises, so I’m sure he’ll do good.
Post # 10
My husband picked out my ring and did everything on his own and its beautiful and perfect!! He mentioned marriage once about 4 months before he asked me to marry him. I had nothing to do with any of it and it turns out he asked my parents before he talked to me about marriage i wouldnt have wanted it any other way!
Post # 11
Oh my word YES. He is a very traditional guy. We were even talking about this last night. He said he doesn’t understand why couples pick rings out together or buys it together (coming from a comercial he saw way back) he said how much he wants it to be a surprise, because its special, and it would be no fun if the woman is already expecting it/know the guy has a ring.
So yes, he is traditional, and very much wants it to be a surprise. And he really wants me to stop talking about it cause he feels it ruins the surprise too. (We have important dates coming up in febuary, march, and in may) So maybe he is planning something then. I dont know 🙂
Post # 12
@jmaze: Mine says the exact same thing! He says holidays proposals are too expected and way over done.
Post # 13
My SO is super traditional, and while we’ve talked extensively about getting married (and even when we want to do it) he seems to want to pick out the ring himself. I’m happy to let him do it.
He’s found lots of sneaky ways of figuring out what I want though, or at least he thinks he is sneaky. He points out rings on other girls all the time on the subway or in commercials and goes “what do you think about that” or whatever.
I just want a plain traditional solitaire so I don’t think he can really go wrong, and that’s what he likes too. If he finds something he likes better, I’m also on board with that. We have similar classic taste so whatever he picks out, I’ll like.
A friend recently proposed with a bezel set and he was horrified by it (though I think bezels can be cool) because in his words “the diamond should STICK UP!”
He brought up diamond size and quality by talking about my right hand ring – which is actually my grandmother’s engagement ring that I had reset. That’s also how he found out my ring size.
Ok so he isn’t being sneaky AT ALL but this is something he really wants to do himself.
I don’t want to know when he gets the ring. I’ll go nuts. We’re looking to get engaged this coming year and I would just rather be in the dark at this point.
Post # 14
I’ve been surprised by the number of people who had ring input as well! As far as keeping it a secret, I wouldn’t even call it traditional, just the norm.
My FH has a decent sense of jewelry and my style though, so I can picture I had somebody who didn’t that he might have asked me for some input, but I would have been kind of disappointed. He kept a very very good secret of this – for like five months he was working on ordering the ring from a jeweler overseas, and I only heard one peep when he had been drinking a little and we were getting really emotional talking about our future. 🙂
The anticipation was really fun! But we were also very clearly going to get married, we both knew it and talked about it. Since it was just a matter of time, I could just trust him and enjoy the ride. I can see if there was uncertainty, or if he was taking years upon years, how it could be harder to wait.
Post # 15
Darling Husband surprised me with a ring and a proposal. Darling Husband remembered my ring size when I went to try on some costume rings at Nordstrom. And, he had asked my little sister for ring shopping suggestions/ideas. When he proposed, I actually said, “You can’t do this.” because I was caught off guard. lol
Post # 16
My boyfriend can be a bit more traditional at times. He wants the actual proposal to be a surprise for me and I’m ok with that. I’m also ok with him choosing the actual ring without me (he’s said he may get help from his mom and dad), though I made sure to let him know that I would be willing to go to the store with him so they can figure out my ring size. I really never wear rings at all and he doesn’t want to have to get it resized immediately, so it seems like our best option (I wouldn’t need to try on the actual ring though, so that could stay a secret).
We’ve also talked a lot about the type of ring. I want it to be something we both love and, thankfully, we both like emeralds so he may wind up going with that as the main stone or side stones. We both also perfer white gold to yellow.
Other than that I have no clue what’s happening. He had said back around Thanksgiving that he wanted to propose in January (after all the holidays), but when I asked him on the 31st he said that he had forgotten he had said that (I wrote a long post about that one). We agreed to extend that timeline to when we move in together (to give him extra time to figure out how to buy a ring and propose; he admitted that he was really nervous and anxious because he’s never done it before), which should hopefully be this summer.