(Closed) Does anyone else just want the wedding planning to be over?

posted 4 years ago in Logistics
Post # 2
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Ugh, yes! I am a planner. I love planning things. However, I hate planning this wedding. I haven’t had the family drama you’ve suffered through, but I feel like every single damn decision I’ve made is the wrong one. I feel like I’ve done everything wrong and it’s all my fault since I’m the one planning this. I hate this responsibility hanging over my head.

Who picked a venue that doesn’t have room for a dance floor, which I just found out about a few weeks ago? Me! Who picked an officiant who may not meet the legal requirements to officiate a wedding in Pennsylvania, which apparently has some weird ass law that could be interpretated by some counties as meaning that an online ordained officiant might not count and our marriage could be called into question five or 50 years down the line? Me! (This is extremely unlikely, but the fact that a judge declared one couple’s marriage invalid in 2007 because they used an online ordained officiant makes me nervous.) Who mentioned this to the officiant in what she thought was a polite, not-freaking-out way and hasn’t heard back from her, so is now worried that she won’t bother to show up on the day of the wedding? Me! Who picked a venue where guests will have to find parking in a crowded area of Philadelphia on a Saturday night, with minimal available spaces in nearby parking lots and garages? Me! Who didn’t realize she had to book alterations several months before she was ready for alterations to start, so had to scramble to find someone who wasn’t already booked for prom and wedding season at the end of February? Me! Who found out when trying to book a hotel block that there are multiple college graduations happening around our wedding so most of the hotels were already booked five months in advance? Me! Seriously, is there anything I didn’t screw when planning this wedding?

I spent so many hours researching, reading about etiquette, and pouring over wedding message boards and I still f***ed everything up. I want this wedding to be over so badly. Stupid money suck that I’m 100% convinced will go badly. My Fiance and I had a stupid fight about it last weekend (and we so rarely fight about anything) that was clearly just a wedding stress-related thing, but it made me feel awful about how much I’ve hated this wedding planning process because now he’s dreading the wedding too. Sorry I can’t cheer you up but I can vent along with you about how this supposedly fun-filled time isn’t necessarily fun for all of us. Bring on the honeymoon!

Post # 3
Member
422 posts
Helper bee

No major horror stories, but I can’t wait to be done. I feel like all of the planning for the stuff gets in the way of the actual meaning of the event… I know what I’m doing for my dress, reception, all that jazz, but I haven’t even thought of what the ceremony– the actually “getting married” part– is going to look like. It’s stressful, but you’ll survive! Remember what’s important, and try to let the rest go. Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Totally with you on this one and I applaud you for hanging on in there! Only 7 weeks to go!

We have 15 months to go and have already had:

  • arguments with both sides of the family because our wedding isn’t what they want
  • the cats bum/sucking a lemon face when they finally realise that we’re really not budging on things
  • been told our wedding is an embarrassment by Future Father-In-Law because we want to do things differently from how FIs family wants them done (you can imagine just how well that one went down) because apparently the only reason we want to do things differently is because we’re poor. This was in response to us saying we were paying for everything ourselves. I mean not that it’s any of his business but we wouldn’t be getting married if we couldn’t afford it and…OUR FINANCES ARE NONE OF YOU F***ING BUSINESS YOU NOSY OLD BUGGER!
  • every unsolicited opinion you can possibly think of.

My back teeth are practically ground to powder. My advice is wine and take up a kick boxing class – I found it very good for releasing the tension.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  rwilkinson. Reason: spelling
  • This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  rwilkinson.
Post # 5
Member
634 posts
Busy bee

No family issues but I’m glad my planning is over, don’t worry 7 weeks will fly. I absolutely loved the actual day, but I wouldn’t want to start again. In hindsight, I have no idea why we had a 14 month engagement. We didn’t need to save for it, and we could have planned it in 3 months.  Then maybe I wouldn’t have spent over a year with it always in the background. But hey ho. 

Post # 6
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

ughh my goodness, bee! Why are you even having a wedding then? I would have eloped by now, that’s all too much!!!

Post # 7
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2016

No big family issue for me either, except for the need to organize FI’s family trip from the US to Italy, where we’re getting married and live right now. But I hear you! I’m so done and I feel the pressure of all the choices, from the venue (which I love, but…shouldn’t we have kept looking longer?), to the music (live band? rock? swing? DJ? iPod shuffle?), to the dress (I adore it! …but is it too simple? too white? too… whatever?) 

I can’t wait to be in June and be done with everything, and be able to stop talking about wedding preparations!

Post # 8
Member
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

CakeSniffer:  get a Quaker wedding license!! You do not have to be Quaker and you do not need an officiant – you can “marry yourselves “. So you can use whatever officiant you want. I’ve had two friends in PA do it. It’s available only in that state but it’s a great option if you don’t want an officiant or dont have a legal one. 

As for wanting wedding planning to be over – yup. I enjoy a lot of it. But my Fiance and I are slow decision makers and it’s making it all so laborious, and he’s so stressed out about how much work it is and my Future Mother-In-Law is being a pill and several of my family members are threatening not to come over my no children policy and it’s driving us nuts! So yeah. Over it. And I’m not even close to the end yet!

Post # 9
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

tessadub:  I know for me, I reached what I thought of as the point of no return in the wedding planning process. Deposits were made, save the dates sent out, relatives had started to make travel plans, etc. That was all done before the process got grueling and miserable, so I felt like it was too late to change the plans and kept plowing ahead with the current ones. Since one of my biggest stressors has been the money we’re blowing, losing deposits would have killed me.

Post # 10
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

samira86:  It’s too late, alas! On Monday I took the last day off of work I can take between now and the wedding, we took a little road trip to PA, and got our license (the regular kind, not the Quaker one). It was there that they freaked me out by giving us a handout with big bold letters saying it’s our responsibility to determine that our officiant is legally qualified, along with a print out of the law. Which, as we all know when it comes to law, is down to individual interpretation. So I feel stuck since we have no other time to go and get a different marriage license, plus I’d hate to spend even more money because I screwed something else up in this process. 

Believe me; I spent all of Tuesday in a panic about this but now I’m back to “I Don’t Give a F***” Land. The only other alternative I can think of is to get our marriage license here in NJ, find a cheap-ish officiant to marry us here, so our wedding day won’t be our legal wedding date. That makes me sad, especially because we’d have to wait until after our honeymoon to make it legal since FI’s school schedule leaves no time for a fake/legal wedding before our wedding date. Grrr.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  CakeSniffer.
Post # 11
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

wecanalwaysdream:  We’ve had minimal family drama (outside the guest list, with both of my divorced parents telling me to drop members of the other’s family). A lot of my stress has come from my Future Mother-In-Law having expensive taste and being audibly disappointed with a lot of our decisions (FI and I are paying for the wedding ourselves).

But I straight up did not want a wedding and mostly conceded because Fiance does (and to his credit, he’s assumed responsibility for a lot of the planning because of this) and because I’m the first in my family to get married.

I don’t mind doing the ceremony/legal parts, but the big party afterwards? I’m over it.

So come the morning after my wedding I am hopping on a plane and thanking my lucky stars it’s all over and I will NEVER have to do this again.

Post # 12
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

YES! I really want to win a multi-million dollar lottery jackpot and hire someone to take care of everything while I go hide. Will also use that money to buy all the things I’m DIY-ing. LOL

Post # 14
Member
453 posts
Helper bee

Oh man, I’m ready for it to be done.  For the most part, planning has been drama-free… but it just so happens that I’m in the middle of the busiest semester in my program.  I’m swamped and come home exhuasted and just don’t have the drive to do anything else productive for the rest of the day.  I’m kind of sad that this semester is taking away my chance to revel in the glow of getting married in just a few months.

Post # 15
Member
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

CakeSniffer:  aw, too bad. Well if you’re really worried about your officiant and it’s too late to get a new one, I think a city hall wedding after (or even before) may be your best bet. I know it’s not what you want but I’ve had a lot of friends do it. I’ve even known people without any legal questions who just get married in secret beforehand to take the pressure off. So I don’t think it’s a huge deal even though I understand it’s not what you want. Good luck whatever you decide!

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