Post # 17
I am currently struggling with this. I suspected there was a surprise shower in the works even though I didn’t want one. I was so horrified at the thought of facing a big “surprise!” moment over something I adamantly didn’t want that I forced the issue with my bridal party and busted the surprise. No one has discussed it with me since — other than my fiance — except that my Maid/Matron of Honor has shared the details and offered to cancel. (People have already been invited.)
I am very upset about this. I never enjoy pre-wedding events as a guest. I have exactly the same issues that people listed above. But I also feel like I’m being a horrible person for yelling at people for trying to do something ostensibly nice for me. If I tell her not to cancel then she will do all this work for a party I don’t really want. If I tell her to cancel then we have to un-invite everyone. @#$)(*!)@!!!
I don’t know what to do. I feel like all this bridal nonsense is being shoved down my throat and most of the time I wish we had just eloped and saved gobs of money and stress from event planning. Originally I wanted a smaller wedding but my fiance wanted a bigger guest list so it turned into an extravaganza. I am ok with this because it is basically a compromise that I made for him, but why must it spill over to a shower too??
Advice is welcome. Normally I would talk to my Maid/Matron of Honor about this sort of thing! Aggh!
Post # 18
Eh… I didn’t want one at first, but when I found out that my girls were planning one, I got kind of excited about it. It’s going to be jack & jill – so it’s really just a laidback cookout that happens to involve gifts.
Post # 19
I don’t want one and I will politely and firmly decline if anyone wants to throw me one. This is my second marriage, and we literally have all we ever wanted already. The idea of a shower is the perfect one for a new bride furnishing a home, or upgrading things from her university apartment, but for a 41 year old, it’s completely unneccessary. Nor will there be a jack and jill. I will go out with my girlfriends to celebrate before the wedding but I won’t be having a ‘bachellorette’.
It’s his first wedding though, so he can have all of the bachelor parties he wants, lol. 🙂
Post # 20
I’m glad there are other people out there who don’t want a bridal shower! I also don’t want a shower. I figure, my Fiance and I have lived together for almost 8 years (the whole time we’ve been together), plus my FI’s mother works for a home decor/kitchen appliance company. We have more “stuff” than we know what to do with. We don’t need another kitchen gadget or vase or appliance or anything. The only thing we could possibly need is money for our wedding. My mother suggested throwing a “green back” shower however I just don’t feel comfortable with that. I think it’s kind of tacky to invite people and then tell them they have to give money as a gift.
There are a lot of other reasons why I don’t want a shower. I really don’t think my bridesmaids can afford to throw one. My mother really wants to throw one but then I have the issue described above. I’m not having a huge wedding (100 people), of those, half are femaie (50) and I probably won’t even invite half of them to a bridal shower. So really, there’s no point in it. I do feel a little bad because I know my mother was really looking forward to it but I plan to include her and make her feel needed in other ways.
Post # 21
A rite of passage as a bride?! The tradition of having a bridal shower was to help the bride and grom along as they begin their lives together. Since my fiance and I have already made a life decision together to buy a house and have a Destination Wedding, I think tradition has gone out the window.
I do not want a bridal shower and hope my family respects my wishes. I do not feel it is my obligation to have one.. That’s just dumb!
Post # 22
I don’t want a shower either. I am already living with my fiance and we have everything we need. Also, I feel guilty receiving gifts from our friends and family since we are more well off then most of them. Some of our family members have had a hard time since recession hit. My mom and sister still insist on it as its a family tradition. We will see what happens.
Post # 23
Im on the fence. Im not having one unless my girls plan one and I have no idea if they are. So either way, no matter what I will like whatever happens.