Post # 1
I’m just wondering if anyone else has gotten to the point that I feel that I have in life. I have great groups of long-time friends plus DH’s friends. We love hanging out with them, we’re all pretty much on the same page in life, and it’s always comfortable and relaxing and to be with them. Darling Husband and I usually go out one weekend night and stay in/have date night the other, and it’s the perfect mix of relaxing and social. Our friends are zero-maintenance and zero drama, so everything is just great.
Here’s my problem… recently a girl entered our lives through DH’s friends who is our age but has recently gotten out of a long term relationship and seems to be actively hunting for new friends. She’s decided that she wants me to be her new best girlfriend and she has started planning all of these crazy nights out that she keeps inviting us to.
Darling Husband feels bad for her and keeps accepting plans and suggesting that her and I hang out alone and become friends. She’s perfectly nice, and I feel bad for her position, but I can’t get over the feeling that I don’t want a new best friend, and I don’t want to go out partying with her. I want to sit at home with Darling Husband and rent a movie. I want to go out to a nice dinner with our long-time couples friends. Is this normal or am I being a stick in the mud?
Post # 3
@CanAmBride: I think you’re totally normal to feel that way. My Fiance and I feel much more comfortable hanging out, socializing, partying, etc., with our couple friends than our single friends now. Maybe it’s just that being in a couple you tend to have more things in common than with single friends.
I still care about my single friends but I do notice some drifting apart. Sometimes my single friends want to party more (possibly because they have more free time or maybe get lonely for company); but we’re like you and your Darling Husband, we’d much rather have a quiet evening at home alone together watching movies than almost anything else.
I look at it this way – you only have so much time in life to spend with loved ones and friends. So it’s not wise to spend time on anything or anyone you don’t enjoy. Just because she wants/needs new friends doesn’t mean you are in any way obligated to her.
Post # 4
I have many acquaintances, but relatively few friends. I am sure some of my acquaintances consider me a friend and that’s fine. But I can truly count on my friends through thick and thin and they can expect the same from me. I am long past the point of wanting to be popular.
Post # 5
I completely agree with you. DH and I LOVE spending time together…there have been few instances where we’ve gone out w/o each other. We know another couple who doesn’t go anywhere w/o the other. Which sucks b/c she’s great, we get along, and the husbands get along…I’d even push the guys to go camping together but she’d want to go to.
Don’t feel like you should have to hang out with her just because she “needs” you. I’d stick to casual meet-ups…coffee, lunch, etc. but I’d save dinner dates for your hubs.
Darling Husband asks me all the time what’s wrong with the guys he works with who purposely avoid going home to their wives when he can’t wait to come home, make dinner with me, and hold me on the couch. I guess I’m just lucky…sounds like you are too!
Post # 6
Take it as a compliment that she really enjoys being around you. =)
Post # 7
I don’t actively search out new friendships because I LOVE the group of friends Darling Husband and I already have and don’t feel as if I need anything more.
But if someone new came into our lives that we enjoyed spending time with, I wouldn’t be resistant to having a “new friend”.