(Closed) Does anyone else want to keep their last name?

posted 11 years ago in Names
Post # 17
Member
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I love my FI’s last name, and think it sounds better with my first name than mine even does, but I’m still extraordinarily sad. For the amount of times I would doodle my name with boys last names growing up, I had no idea it would be such a sad thing to actually do! I’m doing First Maiden Last and giving Middle the boot, which I’m a little sad about even though I don’t like it. I’m going to try try try to remain First Maiden professionally. In my profession, I want some privacy from my potentially-psychotic clients (therapist now, psychologist in a few years) and I don’t want them to know my husband and children’s last names. 

Post # 18
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

I kept mine.  Didn’t even think about it.  It’s so important to me, both personally and professionally.

I share a situation with another poster– my mother kept her name, all of my siblings and I have my dad’s last name.  It was never weird, or like we were any less of a family.

Post # 19
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I struggled with this a lot. I ended up keeping mine (not married yet but we filed our marriage license already). I’m also from a different ethnic background as my fiance and if I take his name, then I lose that marker from my name.

Also, my fiance saw how much I struggled with this and offered (sincerely) to change his name to mine instead. But I didn’t want that either.

I might hyphenate if/when we have kids because I do want to have the same name (or part of it) as my children. The hyphenated name would be crazy long though. Well, we’ll cross that bridge once we get there.

Post # 20
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m so glad someone posted about this! I am having a hard time with this! I’m the last of 3 girls to get married in my family, & I feel kind of like the name will die, if I change mine… fi is not happy about me not being super thrilled to change my name to his… But I told him that’s not exactly fair since I have been me for 25 years & don’t exactly want to change my whole identity! Especially when his last has the definition of "death" seriously!! Depressing! I’m so hyphenating all the way! I have a friend that did that & it’s super cute & kind of her little thing. I’m doing the same.

Post # 21
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I was totally charged to change my name.  I guess I like being traditional.  But I just felt more family like, and easier with the whole kid thing.  But I don’t think it’s wrong if you don’t.  I guess it’s just geting that all figured out with the Fiance.

Post # 22
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I have always wanted to keep my last name.  I was the only grandchild for the first ten years of my life, so my dad’s family always drilled in the idea of keeping the name alive.  The funny thing is, my dad was adopted, so the name isn’t even biologically tied to us.

Nonetheless, I cannot imagine giving up my name.  I have such a strong identity with my name that I would never want to change it.  My finance has brought up the name change idea and I offerred, tongue in cheek, to change mine when he changes his.  At this point, I am perfectly fine with us having two different last names and having the kids keep his.

Post # 23
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I plan to keep my maiden name for my professional life, but my married name for my personal life.  I am probably going to end up dropping my middle name, even though my first thought was to hyphenate it…but my Fiancée is insulted that I would do that and not take his name “fully”….like many have stated above…he thinks it a man thing that I take his name.  I am sad though because my last name is VERY unique and his is “run of the mill.”  

Post # 24
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I personally don’t think I want to change my last name. Like so many of you I like it!Its been mine for all these years it just….works!

However I dont think the fiance, or his DAD would approve of me either keeping my name, or even trying to hyphenate it. You see my fiance only has one other brother, and that brother when he got married decided to take his wifes last name (long whinded explination, but we’ll leave it at that) so there only leaves my fiance as the very last male in his entire family to carry on his last name (I have already been told my his grandmother that I better have a son…he he) family is very big to his dad as he is Scottish and with no one else other than my finace carrying his name he wants to it to still be…’alive’ if you will.

I just dont think I could change it now….sigh! oh well

Post # 25
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I think women decide to keep their maiden names for a variety of different reasons. If you really want to keep your maiden name than you should. Think of it this way, to change your last name you must fill out paperwork with the government, if you don’t than it stays the same. Give yourself a grace period after the wedding to make-your decision. It’s much easier to keep the name you have rather than changing it and regretting your decison.

You might compromise and agree to give your children your husbands surname if you keep your maiden name.

My mother changed her last name but kept her maiden name as a middle name. 

Post # 26
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m keeping mine. I don’t even particularly like my last name, but it’s MY name. It’s making ceremony wording sort of difficult, though!Maybe when we decide to breed, I will consider a hyphen etc. Maybe.

Besides, what if I get divorced? Not that I expect to, but I’m not blinding myself to reality that in 20 years things can change, and so can people. Nothing like making a divorce even worse than having your ex husband’s name tied to you until you can get it legally changed back.

Post # 27
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’ll change mine if and when he changes his.  I am very attached to my last name but would be willing to add his to it — but not unless he’s willing to take on a part of ME as well.  I won’t give up my last name as A last name (i.e. moving it to middle) under any circumstances, so it would either be hyphenation, having two last names, or taking his name as a second middle.  He wants me to change in the "traditional" way, but I’ve already made it clear that what’s good for the goose is good for the gander…so he’s contemplating.  We’ll see how it turns out.

As far as it being a "man thing," I think men just need to get over it.  Woman’s name, woman’s choice.  I have nothing against women changing their names if they really want to do it, but I am wholly and adamantly against women being guilted into doing something they don’t want to do just because a man’s ego is at stake.  Women should value ourselves and our needs/wants at least equally to our partners’ needs/wants, and men ought to respect that.

Regardless of what Fiance and I eventually choose to do with our names, our children will have both — mine as a middle and his as a last.  That way, they can feel "connected" to both of us even if we don’t share a last name, and it will be on their passports, which will make international travel somewhat easier. 

Post # 28
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I kept mine- We’re in the military so it’s been a real pain, too. I get asked all the time if we’re married, and coordinating things with different last names is nearly impossible. My reasoning was I’m not done with school yet, and I wanted my degrees to have my last name- not to mention he has a very common last name and mine is a little mroe unique.  When we have kids I may consider changing it, but am unsure.

 I like the idea of one poster to keep her last name and give it to her children as middle names.  I may steal that one 🙂

Post # 29
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I want to keep mine! However I want to share his so that we are looked at as a family. His last name is short and Lebanese to boot, which doesn’t make Lisa seem like anything special. I like my last name. So, I think I am going to hyphenate for work, or at least keep it as a middle name and just tack his on the end. Otherwise I told him I was changing my whole name becaue his just sounds too great with the last name and it’s boring with mine.

Post # 30
Bee
11811 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

I’m not changing mine.  I think it’s a very personal decision.  You should go with your gut!

Post # 31
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011 - Trinity Lutheran Church & Idlewild Country Club

I’m connected to my name :), and the thought of loosing it breaks my heart.

Fiance and I talked about it, and he is 100% okay with me changing or keeping the name I have. He does, however, have very strong feelings about our future children having his name.

So what am I going to do? Just add his name onto the end! Haha so I’ll be MyFirst MyMiddle Maiden HisList. It’ll be like a second middle name and then our children will have his last name. I’d be comfortable going by my maiden or new last name – just as long as I still have mine :).

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